Living WELL with Fibromyalgia

Let's look at some Data

2011-11-23T13:51:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to share with you my running progress so far - as you can see, I started on 9/20, and it's been going on semi-regularly (I've had a few weeks when I couldn't run, either because I was focusing on strength and recovery work or because I had too much work)... but as you can see, I'm adding minutes to my run and my speed is steadily improving. There are ups and downs within weeks, but if you look at the overall average minute/mile, I'm moving in the right direction. Also, as my run intervals got longer, I had to slow down on the run, but the fastest run intervals have been finding its steady pace. I'm very happy with this!

Also to note, my distances are still at sub-3 mile levels. With my ankles and feet still feeling challenged from time to time, I know that it is not time for me yet to add mileage. I'm being faithful to the little I can do now, and will add gradually as my running intervals and interval frequencies get higher. If I can get my running pace at 10:30-11:00 min/mile without huge effort, I'd be stoked. I can feel the improvements, though, because today, for instance, although the fastest run interval was at 11:16 min/mile (slower than previous weeks), I felt like I was going super easy, especially coming back from a near 2 week break. I was surprised to see that it was sub 12 min/mile, to be honest. I'm curious to see where my pace would end up in the next couple of weeks, provided that I do not skip any of my runs.

Slow and steady is the name of the game. I'm not flinching even a bit to rush into something - if I take a week or two break, I don't jump ahead or rush to get caught up, I just keep continuing from where I left off. When I can't run, I do strength exercises and I make sure I stretch my ankles and feet. I have a long-term view on this, so it just doesn't make sense to rush to really go nowhere. But as I look at this simple table, it shows that I made progress and I'm healing! Very very happy and grateful.

I started from 1 minute run, and now I can run 7 minutes non-stop at a time! Hurray!

My run, my program, my pace. I hope you build your own too and be faithful to the daily progress you can make for yourselves, no matter how big or small. And smile :)

Lots have Happened over the past 4 months!

2011-11-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

It has been a very long time since my last entry - over past 4 months, my life drastically changed, and of course, for the BETTER. I'm so grateful and excited to have completed my move to San Francisco in August, after living in Los Angeles for over 10 years.

Life was insane July and August, as I was moving out of my place in LA and moving into a new place in SF, while starting a new job. As exciting as it all was, as you can all imagine, moving was seriously physically and mentally challenging - which is something I completely underestimated, having moved very often across continents (no joke!) when I was in my 20's. I didn't think it was a big deal, but I suppose after having accumulated a lot more things over the years, moving definitely became a bigger deal, quite literally.

Looking back, all went well. Without establishing a healthy base I wouldn't have been able to do it all alone. I'm so grateful that I was able to move everything, including myself, in one piece. :)

On the other hand, training had to be temporarily put on the sidelines. I lost about 8 pounds just from moving - which was not the favorable way to lose weight (poor eating, not sleeping, running around non-stop). It was good, however, because I forced myself to take a break from running and cycling, from which I've suffered more than enough foot and ankle injuries during the Spring and Summer seasons.

Starting in September, I started back from ground zero. Literally, from the absolute basics.

I read the book "Run Your Butt Off," which is actually a step by step running guide for beginner runners. I wouldn't call myself a beginner runner, but because of my recurring injuries I felt compelled to act like one and use the methodology the book was suggesting.

Basically, it starts with 4 min walk/1 min run intervals of 5 times. Actually, the very start is to do 30 min walks for a week, but I skipped that step, thanks to my daily walks between work and home (1.5 mile one way - it's a nice little walk, which I LOVE). I think the daily walks actually made my ankles and feet stronger and help me establish a stronger base for my running program. Anyway, after my first week of the rather boring 4/1 walk/run intervals, every week or two I progressed onto longer runs...for example, 4 walk/2 run x 4-5 times, then 3 walk/3 run x 4-5 times..and now I'm at 2.5 walk/5 run x 4 times~!

Believe it or not, the 3 walk/3 run week was tough on my ankles - i had to take a week break because my feet and ankles were killing me again. I did ankle strengthening exercises and got on the foam roller instead. I continued my walks to and from work, though, and they definitely kept my lower body movements consistent. I so love walking to work now, something I was not able to do at all living in LA.

Anyway, I have another week of the 2.5 walk/5 run x 4, then moving on to 2 walk/7 run x 3 after that! I'm excited - because although i had to start from scratch, I'm very happy with the progress - I am actually becoming a more efficient runner, as my time has improved over the weeks as well. I think this was the way I should have always started, really gradually, step by step, day by day, minute by minute. I'm going to keep going at this rate, and by mid-January, I will be able to do my first 30-minute full-on run. Sounds like a long time til then, but really, by then I would have really built up my fundamentals so the run-only session will seem like just a natural progression, not a burdensome challenge. My body will appreciate the super-slow gradual buildup.

My first 5k since the new training regime is set for 12/2, which I will just run as if I'm training, with a few walks mixed in. I think in mid-February, I will do a full-run 5k, with some speed added to it. That i'm really excited about.

I haven't let go of my goal to do a marathon...it will just be in 2012. I deferred my NYC Marathon entry to 2012, so I have that to work towards. Effectively, I'm training for over a year for my marathon - this may be the wisest decision I've ever made to date.

As you can see, I have lots of starting over's.... some attempts of mine did not work, some did. Those that didn't, I learn my lesson from them and just start again. I know I have these desires to do long distance races for a reason, but they are not going to come easily. I'm learning to be patient, to be persistent and to NEVER GIVE UP! This time it will work, I'm really taking my time, advancing little by little. Hey, a small advance is still an advance! :)

However, I still have to wonder, what is up with this ankle pain? In my earlier days, ankle and feet were the last things I needed to worry about during my training... oh well, it is what it is, and I'm learning to deal... I'm just praying it's just a part of getting old ;)

I'm Not Like Them...and That is the Point

2011-07-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

No wonder my heart has been so burdened. No wonder I've been fatigued, dreaded and heavy in my spirit. I wasn't being myself, but I have been relentlessly trying to be like others.

Around me, there are some seriously strong riders. They can do super hilly and long distance rides whenever they decide to, and even do so two days in a row, and suffer no consequences other than the expected soreness. I, know from experience, that I have to go by the gradual progression of adding mileage and hills in order to get to a certain point. If not, the consequences would be (and have been) dire.

When I was training for the Gran Fondo LA (6/26), I had that sudden right foot injury after my first 65 mile/hilly ride. Since then my foot (actually both feet at this point) have never been the same. Some of my friends were able to go on another long and even hillier ride the next day. And they boasted that the post-ride soreness was actually minimal. Wow - envy.

Last weekend while I was still trying to ramp back up from the injury, another friend of mine did 80 miles and thought even that wasn't enough for the Vineman Aquabike race (Swim 2.4 miles, Bike 112 miles) coming up, so wanted to 90 miles this morning. I couldn't even do 40 miles last week because of my foot. I knew I had no choice and I was ok with it, until I compared myself to my friends. Discouragement. Feeling kinda like a loser.

So, with my ego bruised, I told my friend that I'd do the 90 mile ride with her, as a pathetic attempt to redeem myself. And the ride is today. I have been up since 445am, getting geared up and ready. It's 607am right now. What am I doing writing this?

I crumbled. I had to admit, after all the pondering, wondering and getting frustrated - that my heart is not in the right place. That is the reason for all the internal fighting. Usually, rides like this excite me, and I'm all pumped up for it. Today, my heart is just NOT in it - not because I don't like riding anymore, not because I want to quit, but because for a while now I have been driven by my ego and envy, but not my heart. Where is my hope? Why am I doing this? Didn't I say I'd do 90 miles because I wanted to feel better about myself? Because I wanted to feel less like a loser compared to my friends who have been ramping up faster than I have?

Comparing myself to others... is a dangerous motivator. In fact, it is not a motivator - it is a source of discouragement and self degradation, ending up in both mental and physical fatigue. I'm not rationally thinking about my physical status and what I can do given the reality, which actually results in going beyond my perceived limits. Instead, I'm looking at others, wanting to be like others, then discovering how I am NOT like others, then just shutting myself away from achieving any untapped potential whatsoever - because then I am no longer driven by my heart, but my ego. Such a tremendous attempt at one's best can never come from ego or envy. It really is the heart that comes from the bigger purpose of the action itself, which, to me, is to share with YOU that we can do things, and that we are not victims. I didn't think of YOU, but I thought of ME, comparing myself with people who are not me, and definitely not like you and me.

As a result, I have fallen victim to my own ego that just kept feeling bad for not being like others. Is there a worse kind of failure than this?

Such is the fight against our pain. This fight, has to be a positive, heart-driven fight. In every step we make, we must rather feel the JOY of improvement and excitement for new experiences, not the feeling of not being good enough because some are doing better than others. I hope that I did not discourage some of you via my recent efforts. I only say this because I have been so focusing on my achievements, not the process. So if you're walking around the block and you read about me bragging about my 65 miles ride without the context behind it, then how would that make you feel? I apologize for that!

It's 630am. I am going to go on my own ride, at the pace I want and to the length of time I feel comfortable with. Then maybe I will go for a run - at my pace, up to my desired distance. And be grateful for what I can do, and who I am. By comparing myself to others over the past couple of months, I have rejected myself. No wonder I wasn't enjoying this process - I wasn't even enjoying my own body!

Let's just accept myself, and remember that only I can be me, and that I am unique, and I have everything I need to be who I am...and just keep improving from where I am. That is gratitude, and when you are at peace with that, God pours us with more blessings to our open and available hearts going forward.

Definitely Not the Ideal...but Doing What I Can

2011-07-04T16:19:00.000-07:00

I'm seriously thinking about the recent ramp-up on my training and its effect on my body.

I have been experiencing pretty strong flare-ups and stiffness every day after a workout, even when it is not a long/hard workout day. On top of that, my ankles and calves have gotten extremely tight, despite my continuous bodywork and strengthening moves.

Since the right foot freak injury I'm slowly catching back up to longer rides...but will not get there until the end of this week, if all goes as planned. So far, nothing has really gone as planned.

Don't get me wrong - I've reached a few milestones. My first 65 mile ride, my first 4,000 meter swim...they are all great. I slowly started to get back into running as well. On the flip side, my body's responses to them have been so severe that I feel like every week I'm starting over again.

While I will continue to go by my training plans (albeit modified several times already), I will also be very cautious about my body's reactions. Perhaps there is some kind of distance and intensity threshold that I need to learn of. Perhaps not. I'm in guinea pig mode.

I'm trying not to get greedy - if I am doing all this for my health, I cannot take this to a point where my health is actually deteriorating. However, I don't want to give up prematurely either. So I'm closely monitoring my body. It's been a challenge, and it's frustrating and stressful, but I still enjoy the moments of reaching my milestones, and for that I am grateful.

The future is unknown, so I focus on the present.

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Unexpected!

2011-06-20T08:40:00.001-07:00

Ouch! Woke up at 2am with excruciating pain in my right foot, around the arch and top. The pain was sharp to the touch (literally tears welled up) and could not land on it without screaming. Took advil and iced it for a while, which helped it down to dull pain.

Have no idea how this happened, but I guess my 1st day of NYC Marathon training will have to wait!

I won't let delays cause frustration..wait patiently with anticipation while taking care of my immediate needs...

Kinda humorous actually.

Sent from my iPhone

Quick Nutrition Stuff during Training Ramp-up Periods

2011-06-19T18:31:00.000-07:00

Lately my training has been ramping up as I get closer to my Vineman Aquabike race... Just wanted to note some of the nutritional supplements I have been taking more regularly recently:

Vitamin C - heavy loads of working out can weaken our immune system as our vitamins and minerals get depleted. Don't want to get sick, and also V-C is known to strengthen your capillaries so I take them to not only keep my immune system strong but also to prevent frequent bruising
Calcium - learned a good lesson from my fractured shin bone that I need to take calcium supplements, especially as I am getting older (egh)
Iron - fatigue from long workouts are largely due to iron deficiency, and my anemia already has me at low iron levels. Gotta replenish frequently

Additionally, my diet has been even more strict, loading up on fresh vegetables and fruits and eating lean protein. I have not had even a glass of wine in about 2 months and I feel great. Sweets are limited to dark chocolate once in a while so that I don't deprive myself of anything, which causes me to binge at times.

Yesterday I managed to complete a hilly 65-mile bike ride (after last weekend's flat 60 miler), and tomorrow I am swimming 4000 meters...this is going to ramp up to 6 hours of bike riding (around 80-90 miles) and over 5000 meters of swimming over the next two weeks. Kinda scary, but I am taking cautious measures to make this work, including having rest or yoga days every other day, allowing myself enough time to recover and rest between workouts, and keeping a very regular sleep schedule.

Tomorrow I begin training for the NYC marathon (11/6) in parallel with the continued Aquabike (7/30) training. Should be interesting to see how it all plays out together. Because, I am my own guinea pig. Happily so.

Team Luna Chix has Graciously Offered me a Guest Blogging Opportunity...

2011-06-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'm excited to share with you that Team Luna Chix, sponsored by Clif Bar, has asked me to be a guest blogger for this month. I joined Team Luna Chix this year as part of the LA Cycling team to encourage woman to participate in the sport and also to fundraise for the Breast Cancer Fund (http://www.breastcancerfund.org/)!

My team holds two beginner-friendly rides every month and occasionally holds bike clinics to help women become experienced and knowledgeable cyclists. If you are interesting in riding with us, go to http://teamlunachix.com/los_angeles_cycling and check us out - you will find ride schedules and intro to our team mates, and several blog updates about our rides.

Anyway, here is the location of my blog entry:
http://teamlunachix.com/chixlife/chix_journal_entry/why_i_swim_bike_run/

Also, if you are interested in donating to the breast cancer fund through my team, please go to:
http://prevention.breastcancerfund.org/site/TR?pxfid=2290&fr_id=1151&pg=fund&et=KByeXBE9mHVknCn6-nRojg..&s_tafId=2345

Today's all about links.

Raining Hard

2011-06-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

It rained all night and it is raining now. For safety reasons everyone is reconsidering. I guess the report that today's weather would be better was totally wrong. I'm so upset. I thought it would drizzle in the worst situation, which would still be dangerous but at least endurable.

Watching the weather closely. Looking out and just hoping it would get better.

Sent from my iPhone

Lake Tahoe America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride - 72 miles tomorrow

2011-06-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm in beautiful Lake Tahoe. It is rainy and cold (in the 40's). It is said that this weather will continue tomorrow, combined with thunderstorms.

Drove from LA, which meant driving 6.5 hrs to San Francisco, stayed over night with friends (and slept very poorly) and then drove another 4 hours in the pouring rain and traffic (stressful!) to Lake Tahoe, as fatigue and my pre-existing cold system only got worse along the way. So easy to just set myself up for discouragement.

Cold and rainy means stiff muscles and dangerous road conditions. I am quite fearful of the worst things that could happen, as this course includes quite steep up and downhills. On a wet, slippery road, one must caution BIG TIME especially on downhill turns.

As i am about to go to sleep, I try to calm my mind not to worry, put my faith forward and just do my best to be safe out there and not get arrogant. I do the best i can, I stay thankful that I have made it here safely and I get to ride along one of the most beautiful lakes in America. I am tempted to back out without even trying. So tempted. But I will not.

I will start. I will put on my cycling gear, rain gear, put together my nutrition and hydration package (it's a production!) and just start. And then deal as difficulties come - and enjoy as I ride with friends and appreciate the scenery. I will not let fear of the unknown, or the illusion of what could go wrong, stop me. I will remember that I am not just doing this for myself, but to those who have not yet started their adventure into healing...and I pray that my attempt tomorrow will encourage you a little more to start your path to less pain...and ultimately an awesome life that we are all supposed to live.

It's June and there is snow all around me! Unbelievable!

Unless is torrential downpour, I'm going to start this! Let's go (..to bed, for now)!

Catching up

2011-06-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

I’ve been off the radar for a while. Training has been pretty consistent, I don’t think I have much to report on that right now, just working towards the Vineman Aquabike race in July (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike).

I started writing today because I have been feeling very humbled lately. It started with a wonderful note from one of the readers, who left me a comment saying that he completed his first triathlon recently, and that reading my blog helped. Wow – how can I take credit for someone’s amazing accomplishment! I’m so happy for that person, and I am just floored by his endeavor and congratulate him on starting a new chapter of his life.

I’ve been thinking – victories are great. Recognitions like this are great, and I feel pretty proud of myself sometimes. But, what about some of the not-so-victorious days? What if I never got any recognition for what I did? What is my true motivation for blogging about my battle with my condition? Am I truly helping those who feel hopeless when it comes to getting out of the vicious cycle?

Lately I have been focusing so much on my victories, what I did well, and what I did right, etc… but I ignored my struggles of not doing well, feeling defeated, facing confusion and pain… I don’t think I was identifying with myself anymore in this blog!

Maybe I got arrogant – as if I’m this can-do-it-all-by-myself endurance athlete, only going for the wins but not counting the losses, not appreciating how I got here, but only remembering that I am here right now… I know I don’t dwell on weaknesses and negativity, but perhaps I’ve become insensitive to what others are going through, or even sometimes very insensitive to what I’m going through when things are rough! I feel like I haven’t even been allowing myself to be weak, in the pursuit of perfection (my biggest personality flaw).

I’m wondering if my recent entries have become almost too distant for other fibromyalgia patients to identify with – I discuss of no struggles and no questions, I just always seem to be doing the right thing and I’m feeling great and I’m doing great and I’m doing these crazy workouts… kinda lame.

Arrogance and complacency is what eventually catches us by surprise, I think – just when I think I am doing great and my health is at its peak, if I don’t stay humble and cautious, I could just go back to where I started. I still need to eat right, exercise regularly, keep a healthy sleep schedule, and not overextend myself. Once the cycle is broken, then things start going off track… I don’t want to go there. And thankfully, I have such wonderful people doing amazing things that leave me very encouraging messages to make sure I don’t go there. Because they remind me of how it all got started. How hard it was the first time. But what it means to have gotten there.

At this stage in my experience with training and racing in endurance races, it is so easy to get wrapped up in meeting the training goals, performing well, staying strong, etc… but today I’m remembering why I’m doing this in the first place. It’s not about the race, or kicking butt, or boasting about my personal victories…it’s about sharing my experience with the pain, and how I lessen the pain…and how we can all do so by making small changes. I’m just a guiney pig to prove that even the hard-core exercising is not harmful for my condition, so that some of you can start enjoying a nice walk, a nice stretch and a better life.

I didn’t do this all by myself – my life as a triathlete started only because I was in so much pain and misery for so long, that I had no choice but to desperately pray and ask what I was supposed to do to turn my life around…and I was gifted with a vision of crossing that finish line once again. I cannot possibly take credit for all this… it was a gift. And I promise to keep sharing this gift with you, so that it helps YOU, not fulfill my own ego.

Ok, with that said – 72 mile bike ride coming ahead this weekend in Lake Tahoe … it’s going to take me a long time to finish this as I’m only trained so far for maybe 55 miles, and that is a stretch. But I will do it with joy and gratitude!

A Renewed Heart and Mind – With a Little Help from My Friends

2011-04-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

A lot of new beginnings lately, and I’m excited. These beginnings all have their respective goals, and I’m dashing towards them. Whether I will get there or not, I will never know until I try, but with a little help from my friends and a little extra help from above (or around, from the universe, whichever you believe) I know somehow someway I will get there. Actually, with more friends, the easier it gets.

A new career: as previously mentioned in my earlier posts, I left my last job mid-March, seeking for an opportunity that I know both my passion and skillset will flourish in (think smaller, more hands-on, working to build, not just working to process). I have been meeting tons of people, from recruiters to entrepreneurs, getting their insight, pitching the vision for my new career, sharing my excitement and learning more and more what my future could be. There is definitely a lot of self-driven research going on, but my friends have been amazingly supportive and helpful in this process – not only with daily encouragements and genuine well wishes, but with connecting me with people they know and educating me about everything I don’t know. I know I still have ways ahead and what I’m looking for is going to take a little longer than just finding the next *job*, but I know that I will find that extra special something in due time. The challenge is to stick to my belief and not cave to lower hanging fruits when things feel desperate.

A new race: One of the races I aim to complete this year is the Vineman Aquabike, which is a 2.4 mile swim and 112 mile bike race in Sonoma, CA. It will take place on July 30. This is a whole new training and racing paradigm for me. Training can be daunting, especially on the long bike rides, but thanks to my friends who love to ride I know I will never be alone on the road. Furthermore, I know at those moments when I feel like I can’t go on anymore, I know it will be my friends that will help me get through it and accomplish my training goals…and eventually my race goals.

A new team, new initiative: This year, I had the honor of being invited by a friend and fellow cyclist to join the local Team Luna Chix cycling group. Basically, Team Luna Chix (www.teamlunachix.com/teams) aims to “brings together women interested in learning new sports, staying active and inspiring others to do the same. Teams train together and support each other, while also fundraising for LUNA’s non-profit partner, the Breast Cancer Fund.” You gotta check it out! It didn’t take that much time for me to join the team, and a couple of weeks ago, I had the amazing opportunity to go to the National Summit Weekend of Team Luna Chix, where women from all over the country who have joined the team gathered to learn more about the cause and our responsibilities as ambassadors for the sports we each represent (Mountain biking, cycling, running, triathlons). Being a part of this group took my involvement in the sport to another level (e.g. impacting the community, getting involved on a national level, etc), I think – I will have a team that I will ride with and participate in races with, while fundraising for a great charitable organization (The Breast Cancer Fund) together and recruiting more people out there to join the healthy and active lifestyle I so cherish. A band of friends that make a difference! Now that is an exciting initiative!!!

Am I bragging about how many great friends I have? No (I mean, yes I have some AMAZING friends, but I can brag about them perhaps another time) – my point here is that whatever I’m doing, I am not doing it alone. I’m not alone in this. I can achieve the things I never thought were possible, I can get through moments that feel daunting and scary, and I can just keep trying doing whatever I aim to accomplish – thanks to my friends that are there with me every step of the way! Just look around and reach out – your real friends will reach right back out to you.

Your battle with fibromyalgia – although at times you may feel that you’re on your own on this, but the truth is, you’re not alone. Look around you – they may not ever fully understand what you’re going through (but do you really want them to?), but you have your family, your friends, and even… strangers that you may have just met, that might just want to be there and give you a smile (that makes a HUGE difference). And when you feel that there is no one around you, instead of feeling shut out, just reach out – you will be surprised by the outcome of it. I have learned that I end up alone or feeling alone because it is me that shuts others out – not because people just straight out avoid me for no particular reason. When I started seeing the magic unfold when I reach out instead of waiting for someone to find me, it encouraged me more to extend my arms and heart and meet more people that ended up becoming important parts of my life of healing…. We are not alone. You are not alone. With a little help of our friends, you, me – we, can tackle this thing together.

Taking control of my time

2011-04-08T16:05:00.001-07:00

Ok real quick lesson learned today... never ever will I ever take calls when I know I have a whole set of prep and training to do. Never. I must take control of my time, not postpone training times without discretion.

I can always call people back, but when the pool closes or you forget something crucial (e.g. A swimsuit!) from packing while on the phone (distraction!) and you dont have time to go back and return, it really isn't anybody's fault but my own.

I pay the price by having to get up super early tomorrow to finish today's training before my ride, at which I will end up inconveniencing my teammates by being 15 minutes late.

Never again. I need to stop trying to be everything for everybody. If I am not well I cannot do anything for anybody.

Minnie

Sent from my iPhone

Minimizing the Conflicts in My Life Minimizes My Pain

2011-04-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

Physically staying active is important. Eating right is important. Sleeping well is super important. Speaking of sleeping well, when there is a lot on our minds, we all know sleep is not easily achievable. Constant stress from underlying concerns, issues, inner-conflicts, external conflicts, etc… also contribute to pain, as stress lowers our serotonin levels, exposing us to higher levels of pain perception (as substance-P takes over weakened serotonin levels in our brains).

Why am I talking about this? Well, I want to focus on a different aspect of well-being in this post, a small diversion from my usual focus of the physical, only because I do believe our sub consciousness plays a huge role in our physical conditions. When things aren’t right, there is always an explanation beyond “oh it’s because I have fibro,” which I think is lame, not because I think fibro is lame, but because I believe that every flare-up has a logical explanation. And that logical explanation leads to prevention or elimination of pain when it re-occurs.

My health has generally been amazing since I started exercising years ago, as I have been saying all along. However, I have noticed that I have been feeling "less better" quite often starting…hmm, let’s say almost 9 months ago? I was definitely waking up feeling more tired, less rested, and with more pain in my neck and shoulders than usual. While it took me a while to identify where it was really coming from, in hindsight it definitely became as clear as day.

Let’s start backwards. March 10 was my last day at my last job. Let’s just say that I defined that as my last day at any kind of a large, structured corporation, where politics rule over productivity and professional growth. To date, I have spent my career working at very reputable Fortune 100 companies – I am fortunate to have had the experience, but now I am ready for a change. See, I think that mindset has been brewing inside me for a while, but it took some terrible and very unfair experiences at the workplace for me to finally see that I was no longer to stay there. Long story short, starting September/October of last year, things got pretty bad at work and although I worked hard, ate fairly healthy and exercised hard as usual, I was just feeling worn down, felt more pain than usual on a daily basis...also my immune system weakened drastically, suffering from a bad flu and several cold symptoms repeatedly, which was something I didn’t have to deal with for years. My last two months at work were really tough, just feeling like I was being dragged into the office mindlessly, as I was so conflicted within about who I believed I was versus who I was living as. I knew I no longer belonged, but I kept going because I gave them a commitment – but my heart and mind were already moving on to the vision and hope for the next move, my next career… man, every day was just a challenge.

I have to say, the first week after March 10 was one of my best-feeling weeks in recent months. Then and only then did I realize, oh wow, not having that gut wrenching feeling anymore, not feeling conflicted anymore, despite the risk of just resigning without my next career position lined up, freed me from a lot of the pain I was feeling. I woke up and I didn’t feel like I was run over by a truck. I woke up and I could immediately get up. I woke up ready to start the day. I was happy. That weight in my mind, heart and soul were gone – and physically I was better.

Being true to myself and taking the risk was the best decision I have made in a while. It really helped me realize how important it is for me to let go of any complications in life that are possible for me to get rid of. Let go and set myself free – that was what I needed to do. I am focused on building my future now, not focused on getting through the day at a place where I felt completely minimized and overused. I am looking forward to the future that I am working towards, and that gives me hope, and that hope gives me energy, turning on those serotonins in my brain and charging up my spirit. I am devoting myself to the future, and not the past. I am finally one with myself – then my body got better.

Is there anything that you are holding on to, afraid of letting go because of the risks involved, or just making small decisions that you don’t feel comfortable with but making them anyway because of external pressure? Do your concerns keep you up at night, make you frown, and weigh you down, both mentally and physically? Do you feel conflicted between what you want and what you think others want? Let it all go – do what you feel is right in your heart, and even if there are risks involved, just go with it with hope. If you are aware of the risks, all you have to do is just be prepared for it and face them as you go. At least that is what I’m telling myself. I’m feeling better and just more hopeful. I am charged, and I am able to renew my determination every day. And that makes me healthier – which gives me more energy to keep pushing along, to find my next awesome adventure in my career, train for my races and prep for my future with joy.

There are a lot of external sources of stress. We can’t control what happens around us, but we can control whatever stress and conflicts that reside within – let’s start from there and eliminate or minimize yet another factor that could cause some of the flare-ups that we hate so much!

Bad Sleep Night

2011-03-23T11:16:00.001-07:00

Had a pretty long swim session yesterday (2200 meters). Yet had very poor sleep last nite, chances of proper recovery is shot, and my muscles are feeling it.

Managed to take a quick nap and I do feel slightly better.

Drinking lots of water and stretching out my body thruout the day. Will attempt a 60 min bike session on the trainer as well.

We all know, some days are good, some days are a little harder.

Sent from my iPhone

Eat Your Colors!

2011-03-21T14:43:00.001-07:00

Today's lunch - are you eating your colors peeps? Keep it fresh and colorful! I am adding a little hummus on the side for some healthy fats (olive oil + chick peas).

Cheering on the LA Marathoners...

2011-03-20T12:10:00.001-07:00

It is torrential downpour n wind in LA today... Cheering on the runners, soaking wet, freezing... But so proud of them, my dear friends that r on the course. I wish I was on the course with them... Next time I am sure I will be.

Just thinking about the amazing tenacity of my friends that are pushing thru the rain, the cold, n the fatigue that is starting to really set in..at this point it is all a mental fight.

May God be there to strengthen u when u r weak. Then make it all yours to push thru the finish line!!

Sent from my iPhone

When one dream dies, Dream your next Dream

2011-03-19T14:15:00.000-07:00

Post my first 16 mile run, I suffered injuries from a bruised left shin bone. It turns out that it was a result of a misalignment of my left side that primarily came from my weak left glutes (think butt cheek!). I was fascinated by how the connections from my hip all the way down to my foot could basically cause such a collapse as one part started weakening. I have tried many times to run again, only to result in massive pain in my ankle and foot. After assessing the bruise and how weak my left glute has become, I had to give up on my dream to finish the LA Marathon – my FIRST marathon. WAH!~ I was very discouraged, I felt like a failure, my ego was bruised… I was upset to say the least. Luckily, I had a two week vacation in Argentina to help me overcome the disappointment faster, but limping on hikes and sometimes on just random walks and short runs were hurtful reminders that I was not going to be able to do the marathon.

I kept telling people, “yeah, I’m not doing the marathon…I’m injured...i tried my best, but 16 miles was the max my body could handle.” Then I just got sick of hearing myself say words of defeat over and over. I had to ask myself, ok, what’s next??

Two objectives:

Strengthen weak parts of my body, re-establish structural integrity of my body
7/30 Vineman Aquabike – 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike. NO RUN (hooray!)

Which means, I get to still train with a goal while working on my weaknesses. I’m already sick of talking about my injury and WHY I’m not doing the LA marathon – so I need to move on and talk about what I will be doing instead!

When one dream dies, dream your next dream… don’t dwell on old disappointments, don’t fold your enthusiasm because of a road block…even road blocks are a platform to grow and improve, depending on what you do with it. Does this mean that I will not run again? No – I will work on strengthening my hips and legs (and I’ve been saying this for years, but obviously I need to do it BETTER), while still expanding my swimming and biking capabilities. When I know I can try again for a marathon, I will go for it. I have not dropped my BIG dream, which is to one day complete an Ironman distance triathlon. I’m just working towards it…whatever path is presented before me (obviously that path is way longer than I thought!), I must follow and keep striving.

Big dreams, then smaller dreams that make us get us there…we must DO to achieve them..and DOING includes trying, failing, and yes of course, succeeding, which is the most exhilarating part of it all. I crave that moment, and it is my hunger for that sense of accomplishment that I’m willing to weather a few failures too on the way…

This week’s small successes:

Got back on the bike – for the first time since May last year. I know, pathetic! But guess what, I got back, and I’m starting from scratch and building up…
Got back on the swim – for the first time since September last year. I have gained about 15 seconds to my 100m. So I obviously have another swim goal for the next month or so :)
Identified key problem areas that contributed to my injury and developed exercise program that would help eliminate those problems (and already did a couple of sessions…whoa, serious soreness, but already feel the difference!)

My mind is focused, my body is already waking up from the various ailments as I removed one significant conflicting element in my life (will have another blog entry on this), and I am just amazingly ready for what’s next. I feel that I’m finally back to where I was, mind and body, when I was prepping for my half ironman race in 2009. Clean body, clean mind, just a very very clear focus and amazing level of positive energy… man, it took a while to get back to that state.

So, what is your next dream? And what are you going to do today to get closer?

My first 16 Mile Run - I Surprised Myself!

2011-01-30T23:19:00.000-08:00

I had one of those amazing run days. Not just because I ran my longest distance to date, but all the more because it was one of those days where I felt like I could run forever (except for a few sharp pain in the hip here and there).

Yesterday, I did a 5 mile trail run with a friend - I was pretty sore from it this morning. I slept in, took my time to loosen up, waited until I felt a bit more recovered. I had debated postponing the 16 miler to tomorrow, but I knew there was no way I had 4 extra hours to dedicate to my already full day (all day work, evening networking event). I had to just try it out and hope for the best.

Here's a quick summary of my run, from pre-run prep to post-run care.

Pre-run Prep

Power breakfast: steel-cut oatmeal + 10g protein powder (whey) + 1 tablespoon of Almond butter + fresh blackberries = nutrition and yummy taste!
Coffee
Hydration and fuel prep: Water, Heed mix, and pasty mix of Perpetuem in a flask (and on to my fuel belt)
Dynamic stretching and warmup
Mental prep

Run

Miles 1-4: from home to the Marina. cloudy but no rain. a bit of a wind. easy strides, not even thinking how many more miles to go, as it would only discourage me
5-8: back towards home. started drizzling around mile 6. left glute slightly starting to hurt. took forever to find the right fit with the left shoe - adjusted shoe laces at least 6 times
Stop at home, refill water and change into something warmer, as I was freezing for some reason
8-12: rain starts POURING down as I run back out. however, only lasts about 10 minutes, then drizzle, then...at mile 9, sunshine. still windy. around mile 10, a bit of dizziness started bugging me, feeling a little nauseous... went away in about 15 minutes. left glute really starting to hurt.
12-16: kinda in disbelief that i'm still able to run, while appreciating the 1 minute walk breaks every so often to stretch out my hips. at mile 13.3ish, my left hip (in the back) snapped and almost felt like the joint repositioned itself or something. It was painful, but it was quick. calves were really burning, piriformis (both butt cheeks) were HURTING. However, amazingly, I was able to pick up speed in the last mile, up to my first 4 mile speed! I didn't understand where I was getting all this energy. I could have gone 2 more miles if I were forced to. Unbelievable feeling of joy and surprise as I finished.

Post-run Stuff

Recoverite: has protein and glutamine, helps muscle recovery. the chocolate taste doesn't hurt! Hammer Nutrition products have been so amazing for me - love their quality products (Heed and Perpetuem are also Hammer products)
Rewarding myself with my favorite Triple Berry Cake from Sweet Lady Jane! Our bodies can absorb and burn off pretty much whatever we eat within its first 20 minute window after an intense workout. I took advantage of that window :)
Coffee - caffeine eases the pain
Stretch - hamstrings, calves, hip flexors, quads...
Ice - on those hips!
Hot shower

I couldn't contain the surprise and joy I was feeling from today's run. Another milestone, but this time achieved under superb conditions. I hydrated regularly, I refueled every 30-45 minutes, I started slow and maintained consistency, I just thought about the finish...not when I would finish, but that I will finish, I will not give up, and that I'll be so happy when i'm done. And so it happened.

My muscles are definitely more sore than my usual runs - I ran harder, and I ran the longest. It reminds me of how sore I was after my first half marathon nearly 4 years ago. I've come a long way.

Had fresh veggies and lean chicken and beef for dinner - and drank a lot of water throughout the evening.

Next weekend is 18 miles. I can definitely do it!!!

Usually fatigue reaches its max 2 days after a big event - at least for me. Tomorrow I'll be ok, but Tuesday could get a bit challenging. If there are any random changes, I will update...until then, I will just enjoy the awesome memories from today's unexpected triumph.

Good night

16 miles Tomorrow....my longest run EVER

2011-01-29T19:51:00.000-08:00

i'm mentally getting ready for my first 16-mile run ever.

it's going to be very very tough, especially after 10 miles...but I will finish it, even if it requires me to walk some of it...it's about getting the mileage in order to prepare for the 26.2 miles.

it's amazing how i'm so nervous about 16 miles, but on race day i'm still going to have to run another 10 miles after that! it's definitely hitting me more and more how tough this marathon is going to be. therefore, I should prepare accordingly.

can't wait to update my blog tomorrow after the run is done! what will i end up saying????

12 miles done!

2011-01-23T23:38:00.001-08:00

A quick word before I go to bed.

I wasn't feeling all that great so I didn't know I could do it.

Even in moments I thought my legs were too tired, I was able to accelerate!

The first 3 miles are always the most challenging, as the body struggles to find its pace. Miles 3-7 feel nicer, your body gets into a rhythm, with proper hydration and nutrition (Hammer Perpetuem Solids!). Miles 8-10, pain starts kicking in so does doubt. Once you get thru the period of self doubt and beat the constant temptation to quit, the last two miles become actually sorta fun because despite the pain u can taste the finish.

Came home and stretched, iced those crazy inflamed hips while drinking Hammer's Recoverite. It's got protein and glutamine that help muscle recovery - it has done wonders for me! Ate Indian food (a great treat!) for dinner. And drank lots of water.

I will be proud of being sore tomorrow.

Good night!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

We are what we See, We are what we Think

2011-01-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

Reviewing the past three weeks…

Massive jetlag upon my return from Korea,

Sleepless nights finishing up a project the week following,

Announced to my current employer that I will be leaving (without my next job in place) and started a massive search,

A nasty sinus infection this week…

…all leading up to one thing: CRAPPY TRAINING.

Leading a life with a full time (more like over-time) career, training for a marathon, trying to look for the next move in my career, trying to eat healthy and regularly while traveling more than usual, with a chronic pain condition…requires serious planning and maintenance. While I hate to blame my condition for having to set limits to my activities, when it comes to the activities I commit to, I make sure I place high discretion in what I choose to do (or not do, e.g. not getting enough sleep) and when. Especially in a professional setting, I make sure my responsibilities are met and I allow no excuses for any delays or underperformance. This means, when the work needs to get done, I get it done no matter what, and I worry about getting enough rest later when no one is looking. That is why exercise and eating well are hugely important me, because they help me keep the energy flowing and relieve stress. If I sat around worrying about a possible flare-up because of working too hard and not getting enough sleep, really that wouldn’t do me any good – it would not only make me unprofessional, but it would also be something like anticipating something bad to happen (and trust me, if you anticipate it, it happens!).

Sometimes, chaos happens. It feels uncontrollable, but only I can bring back order – not by throwing in the towel and making everything stop, but by planning when to rest and when to work, when to eat and when to sleep, when to socialize and when to be alone. And also, the attitude of not fretting in “scary” moments (when you think something will be bad for your condition, or would cause a symptom, etc.) and the flexibility to revise and re-plan preexisting schedules are absolutely necessary.

Training for the last 3 weeks were very wishy washy. But I did maintain a semi-regular schedule of moderate-paced shorter runs (4-5 miles), and finished, in snail’s pace, a 15 miler just last weekend. Whatever I could do, I did. And instead of beating myself up for what I couldn’t accomplish, I felt good about what I was able to accomplish.

Well that is about to change for the next 3-4 weeks, until I leave for Argentina. As my sinus infection is clearing out, I’m pumped about my 12 mile run tomorrow. Yesterday’s quick 4-miler felt pretty good. Today, I took it easy with a yoga session and a somewhat strenuous upper body/core strength exercise, in light of tomorrow’s long run.

What’s amazing is that by the time I leave for Argentina, I will have done my first 20-mile run – EVER! I wonder how I will feel during and after that run, but all I know is that if I somehow get thru it, no matter how slow, I can do the LA Marathon. One thing I do caution though, is how it is going to affect my body afterwards – how will my recovery be? Where will I hurt, if at all (besides the obvious legs and hips, of course)? But I won’t know until I try… until then I have to just keep building up my endurance level.

I was sort of in tears the other night, just randomly thinking about all the adventures to come, and realizing how far I’ve come to be able to enjoy them all. 4-5 years ago, I was bed-ridden like clockwork, every other week, felt like life meant nothing, felt like I meant nothing…with nowhere to go in my future. Here I am now, planning my first marathon, planning my adventure to Patagonia in Argentina, and gearing up for the next stage in my career with obscene excitement for something new! Had I not recalled the moment of my first triathlon when I was lying in bed sobbing, had I not taken that first step to walk 20 minutes around my neighborhood to start my training for my comeback triathlon, had I not used myself as my own guinea pig to try all sorts of different strategies and approaches to improve my health, where would I be right now? Could I have possibly fathomed this kind of amazing future when I was sulking in self-pity almost half a decade ago? No…but at some point I did know that life wasn’t supposed to feel that way, life wasn’t supposed to feel dreadful and sad and meaningless. So just kinda went forward to reverse it…little did I know I’d be here right now.

People ask, how did I do it? To be honest, I mean, it’s not like I had a master plan when I started this whole thing. It’s not like I knew what to do. I just knew what it was supposed to feel like. I went where my heart told me to go…when my heart was wrong, I stepped back and took a different route…which still came from my heart. When I failed, I put that aside and tried something else. When I succeeded, I repeated it. I think my past blog posts do contain some of the things I’ve tried that worked and some things I tried but didn’t work at all. All in all, I just tried whatever I read and heard of that I thought pertained to me. And then found what worked for me.

I wish I could help those who don’t know where to start. But before you even do anything, maybe we start at what we are thinking first? What are you thinking about your life? Where do you want to be in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? Are you seeing yourself happy, kicking butt, experiencing what the world has to offer? Or are you seeing yourself in bed, in pain, feeling sad, in a dark, dark room? I do think that the moment I started to change my life was when I started seeing myself differently. I saw myself crossing that finish line that once made me feel like a badass. I kept seeing it…so I had to make myself cross it again. 6 months later, I did. :)

What do you see in front of you? What do you see inside of you? Is there chaos, darkness, and confusion? What can you do to bring order, light and understanding? What are you thinking? Hopelessness, being the victim, and loneliness? Or are you thinking hope, victory and love? We are how we see ourselves, and we are what we think! We have the power to change what we are, where we are…and sometimes even who we are. Unfortunately yet very fortunately, no one else can do it for us.

I am not a victim of this painful condition. I may have it, I have to deal with it, but I will do more BECAUSE of it, not in spite of it. When it hurts, laugh it off, endure thru it, then get back up. Control and plan as much as you can, but what you can’t, just be open and flexible about the change in our lives… if we have the vision of success, hope, joy, health and happiness, the chaos that happens occasionally should not threaten us. The goal is the finish line of life – where we ought to raise are hands up in the air and make that big leap with a big, giant smile – whatever comes in between, we just gotta get through it with the knowing that the finish line is there. And that we’re going to smile then. Create your happy finish line moment. Keep that picture in your head. And let’s take steps, small, immediate steps, that we think will take us closer and closer…

This blog kinda sounds more like a speech…I got carried away. :)

Facing the Past and Forgiving it. For Good.

2010-12-29T14:03:00.000-08:00

I'm in Seoul, visiting my family. After some years in the US together, my family eventually moved back to Seoul when I was in college. I used to visit every year until about 3 years ago, which coincided with the timing of my so-called evolution into a happier, healthier person.

Without getting into much detail, and I write all this out of tremendous respect for my family, I don't meant to insult them in any way, but writing about this is important to me because I think I am here, after years of absence, because it is time for me to close the loop and move forward.

Old habits live at home. Bad eating habits, an environment discouraging towards exercise and active lifestyles, and excuses prevail on how to NOT improve what's not right. My family, in general, is comfortable with where they are. Their views are completely different than mine, which is why I had to keep my distance for years and years and years...

They are aware of my athletic pursuits. However, they are not fully aware of my fibromyalgia condition and how it relates to my athletic and lifestyle choices. I am usually made fun of and looked at with odd wonder as to why I am who I am. Even the kids in the family (my brothers' children) ask: "If it is so hard, why are you doing it all the time?" My compassionate suggestions as to how to manage back pain and leg pain via exercise (pretty much every adult in the family complains about some kind of pain all the time), how to eat right, why exercise is important, etc etc etc...usually get dismissed with every excuse and vehement denial in the book. The absence of individuality and enforcement of strong group mentality encourages "safe" decisions and actions, not necessarily the best for each individual, but usually the most mediocre for the group.

I see this, and I feel this - and it really leads me back to so many of the old habits I had and i lived with that unfortunately contributed somewhat to my current condition. It is almost hard to forgive myself for having accepted them in my life before, which resulted in some serious low times of my life. And that is probably why it has been so hard for me to come home for a few years. I was still trying to let go and forgive my past for the poor choices and decisions I made. I still wasn't sure what I was to expect during this trip.

This morning I woke up way early thanks to jet lag. The minute I opened my eyes, however, a thought hit me. "I am who I am, they are who they are." Suddenly, i realized that my life now and my life in the future, could never be threatened by my past just because my past happens to still be my family's present. And if they are "happy" with theirs, who am I to tell them they need to change, when they don't see the need? I don't agree with their beliefs and excuses, but the blessing in disguise is that somehow and in some way at certain points in my life I've made the choices to get out of the old and find whatever was new that could pull me out of my state of doubt and limitations.

I may never find that special connection with my family that I always believed existed and should exist in every family. However, I have ultra special connections in my life all over the world that I have never expected before. Seeing my past, until now, was seeing shame. However, now, seeing my past has become seeing the amazing present and exciting future I fought so hard to create with one blind vision of what it is supposed to be, for me. For that reason, I can now forgive my past a little more.

I am running on the treadmill in my parent's house (it is only used when i'm in town, which means for the past 3 years it was just sitting around collecting dust), and everyone looks at me funny. Well, keep looking at me funny, because I'm going to keep doing what I believe is right. I will do my first marathon in March that you think is so meaningless, I will keep finding changes and challenges in my life that you think are risky, and I will keep working on the awesome and beautifully amalgamated future of work/love/charity that you don't believe exists.

Who I am doesn't make me better than anyone else. I don't think at all my family is any less than me - they are different. We were the same before, but a split happened over time - as much as i had hoped that they would not judge me for who i have become, I have to do the same by not judging or criticizing them for what they are not doing. When I feel upset about it, it is only because I care about their health and their future and that I want so badly for them to see the changes in their lives that became apparent to me when I took my first steps. But I cannot control their choices, I can only control mine.

I have faced my past, and that is what it will be remain as for the rest of my life, The Past. As a financial professional, I know that a value of a company is the sum of its FUTURE cash flows. If i apply the same principle, really, the value of my life is the sum of my FUTURE decisions and choices... the past has NOTHING to do with it. So why not just look forward as I fully let go and forgive my past, and be ok with seeing some if it when I see my family very infrequently. If i am strong enough, I definitely should be able to. So I will, because I am now stronger than ever.

Five Simple Principles I Live By

2010-12-19T18:09:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, I enjoyed a 7 mile run with friends by doing a Christmas 10k run in Venice and then running an extra mile after completing the race. I felt good, not much soreness to complain about, which was great. I followed up with an easy 4-mile run on Tuesday, during which I felt my right leg was caving inwards a lot. I pushed through, felt ok, and 2 days later the right hip pain started seeping in... and had me limping for the rest of the week.

As some of you may have read before, my right hip has been such the culprit of my problems and now I have a sick sense of fear develop inside me whenever my right hip (front side, connecting to the upper quad area) starts stiffening up and I feel the pain radiate all the way down my leg. I spent the next three days stretching, massaging, doing Yoga, and giving my hips alternate ice-heat treatments. I was doing everything i can to prevent any further injuries, including re-alignment of the hip (my hip tends to rotate forward a lot, because of all the sitting at work, so i have to do adjustment work to tilt my hips back, i know, how weird).

Yesterday I was supposed to do an easy 4 mile run again but something told me that i just shouldn't do it. I was running errands all day practically limping everywhere i walked. Whenever I didn't move, the heating pad was on my right hip. Uggggghhhh the level of frustration and fear of my worst nightmare rearing its ugly head (12 months of physical therapy!) just sent my mind to a dark place. But I was focused on managing this pain and resting, and therefore had to perk myself up often. The rainy day of course didn't help the pain elsewhere, but I didn't want to dwell on it. I kept myself busy, and i kept myself filled with exciting thoughts of what's coming ahead (holidays, seeing family and friends, training, making career changes, etc...). Spending time with friends and keeping the laughter going also helped me - just had to stay positive.

This morning I woke up feeling pretty decent. My right hip wasn't as tight, there was still pain if I really dug deep...i learned that the pain was coming from my hip flexors, also leading to my right oblique muscle. I massaged them, stretched them out, and did some conditioning exercises to firm them up. Then I did my usual 15 minute dynamic stretch/warmup, got dressed for the wet weather and headed out. 9 miles was the goal.

It wasn't raining when I walked out the door, just quite windy and really really gloomy. A good enough reason to run outside...the first 2 miles were a bit of a warm up (always the hardest!), then I really got into a rhythm, feeling pretty awesome as I reached around 4 miles. Meanwhile, I was feeling really great - the run felt strong, yet effortless, well hydrated, etc... the only wrinkle was that it started to sprinkle a little... but that was fine, running in the rain felt quite good. The rain wasn't getting any lighter though...it developed into a full-on storm! I was laughing when the weather reports from the night before warned of it, because it always seems like people in LA make such a huge deal out of rain. But today was pretty intense! I was laughing as I was running by the beach, as I found no one but me on it, running through hard, thick rain against a massive headwind.

As I passed through mile 6, my running pants started dripping, my running shoes were squeezing out water every step i took. My hip definitely started feeling it, it got harder and harder to lift my right leg up, but I didn't stop...for some reason, running in this storm felt so exhilarating that I wanted to keep going. In order to prevent any serious injury, I started mixing in a minute of walking intervals between 5 minutes of running...the walking helped me stretch out my hip and recover the muscles, and it definitely helped me run longer too! I kept saying "a little more, a little more", and next thing you know it was 7.5 miles and my right hip was really hurting, and my body started shivering from being a little too cold. It was pouring rain and brutal wind...ha ha ha what am i still doing out here? I loved it though...until it got too painful to run anymore. 8 miles. I stopped. Immediate hot shower and icing my hip afterwards.

Spent rest of the afternoon seeing friends and running some more errands, my hip was feeling very tired, but I focused on stretching it out, keeping it moving. Now i'm writing this blog with my heating pad practically burning the area. I can't let the fear of being badly injured again keeping myself from achieving my goals of getting my miles in while getting enough rest. This weekend was a successful one in that regard - i rested yet I got my long run in. I ate well, i stayed hydrated, and i felt awesome for most of the run. I feel great!

Pain sucks. The mental stress coming from pain is even worse. With fibromyalgia, pain gets complicated, as it is not only a physical phenomenon but it also has a significant psychological angle to it. Pain is not something we can get rid of by taking an anti-inflammatory like normal people...pain is sometimes uncontrollable, and that inability to control it gets us discouraged, makes us feel the world isn't fair, and that we're victims...all that crap. That's when we have to stop ourselves from thinking too much and take action to stop the pain - by nursing it, managing it, waiting for it to end with a positive, "ive been there before, so this too shall pass" attitude.

If so much of it has to do with the balance of substance-P vs. serotonin, then we all know, we gotta get the serotonin levels up. Now, i don't run to the pharmacy or my medicine cabinet for it, but i eat right, I move my body, laugh a lot and get my head out of the unhappy trap. I've taken the medication route before but what happened was long-term weight gain, more stress on the joints from the extra weight, more stress on the psyche from feeling fat and therefore absolutely no healing. I've freed myself from the vicious cycle. There are *naturally* natural ways to feel less pain - so many natural ways. It hurts me every time I read about those who go from one prescription medication to another - and live in endless cycle of pain and suffering and self-victimization. Yes, it is an awful illness. It is a very real and very strong condition. BUT THERE IS A WAY TO MAKE IT BETTER. Instead of crying about getting acknowledgement for the validity of fibromyalgia, if it is so real, why not show that it can be improved??? Isn't it our constantly negative and helpless attitude about our illness that gives fibromyalgia such a bad name?

There is nothing I want more than for this pain i'm feeling to become unreal. Because, man, if that were the case, I can't imagine all the things I can do in addition to the things i'm already doing. I learned how to make my pain more manageable and how to do more with the limitations I have. In fact, they are no longer my limitations, they are my source of empowerment and newfound abilities. We can turn every negative situation into a positive one, if we so choose.

Eat well, sleep well, move well, laugh well, and love well - my simple five principles in life. These simple things have enabled me to do so much in my life and more.... i'm so grateful, and I wish to share my experience with anyone that needs that push to make their lives better. We are not placed in this planet to live a life dominated by pain. We ought to dominate our lives with joy. No physical pain can take away this joy. and it is our job, our individual responsibility, to make it happen.

Anyone Hit a Wall after a good First Week? I Did!

2010-12-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

This is week 2 of my LA Marathon training.

I only ran two 3 mile runs, one 4 mile run and then one 5 mile run last week.

This week so far, it has been even lighter - only two 3 mile runs. Last week, I felt so strong running the 3, 4-milers that I felt so hopeful about my first marathon. This week, i've been so tired - and my runs were stiff, heavy and just painfully slow.... WHAT IS GOING ON????

Fortunately, before I started beating myself up for feeling weak and slow, I read a brief article on Runners' World that it is common that Week 2 could feel like a challenge, because the body needs time to adapt to the physical stress of the initial training runs, no matter how short and easy they may be. Of course then I recalled that I suffered a 10-day flu leading up to the first week of training! The first week, tho, still having the accumulated strength in the legs from resting for a few weeks after the Big Sur Half Marathon, the run felt pretty good. I was excited about shedding the flu and just starting off my first attempt for a full 26.2 miler!

Every day this week has been bit of a challenge, which was a total 180 from last week - I felt like I could sleep forever every morning, I felt exhausted in the middle of the day during work, and completely depleted by the time I got home. I was eating well, taking my vitamins, etc..., but my body just got tired. I still ran my 3-milers, but those 3 miles felt like 13. I was tempted to get frustrated, but I had to tell myself that it was just part of the process, which will inevitably taking me to week 3. It would be really interesting to see how i feel next week!

I am sure I'm not the only one feeling like this sometimes - with not just training, but with a lot of other things - just starting a simple exercise regime, changing your diet, working, etc... the first week seem exciting, strong, smooth and successful, then the second week comes, you're doing the same thing, keeping the same excitement, but for some reason, things are not working out as well as it did last week...and then you go, "what am I doing wrong?" or "is this not meant for me?"

I don't think I'm doing anything wrong - if anything, this is a sign that i should stay more focused than last week, to keep my mind strong not to give up this week (and get enough rest and eat well) ! And yes, it did pass my mind that maybe this full marathon thing could put me at serious risk given the conditions I have, but there was no way i could choose the thought that this was not meant for me, especially without even trying running any longer than 13.1 miles (the longest distance i've ran in one setting so far). Usually, from the lessons I learned in life to date, it is always the challenging and doubtful times that we NEED to face and overcome that will lead us to achieving our goals. In fact, not that i'm promoting suffering (i'm not a masochist, altho some of you may disagree), but it is really those tough times that make our achievements so much sweeeeeeeeeter. :)

It is too early to tell. If you just started walking, exercising, eating right, etc. recently, and you feel like it's not changing things much, or in fact feeling worse than before, don't let that frustration throw you off. Just keep doing what you're doing, believe in the positive outcome you want...you can take a little break too (just don't let it last). The minute we start complaining and doubting and nagging about why it CAN'T be done, then we all know...then we go back to square one. Then we start dreaming about it again...from far away...just dreaming a distant dream....then feeling bad about ourselves for NOT doing anything about it! We don't want to feel like that, do we? Just look ahead, keep going... our body takes time adapting, but then when it gets to a certain level, we usually take leaps! Just wait for that moment, while keep working at it.... nothing feels better than feeling that moment... it will come.

Tonight I will rest my tired body, then get up early tomorrow for a quick 3 mile run. I will not be afraid of how tired I could feel again....i will just go.... then enjoy every quick or slow, fun or painful, smooth or tight moment... because i know that all this leads to...that one day I feel everything is running right, smoothly and....then I finally can start seeing the finish line of LA Marathon, and me crossing that thing.

week 2 has been a bitch, but I'm not going to turn into one.

11/14 Big Sur Half Marathon - Failure is a Platform for Future Success

2010-11-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, I ran one of the most beautiful half marathon courses in the country. The race started in downtown Monterey, and ran out and back alongside the ocean, ending at the Marina. For the sight itself, the race was worth the experience! Personally, this race was discouraging at best at first, for the very reason that I didn't meet my timing goal. My goal was to beat my last half marathon time by 7 minutes - the actual result was a mere 1 minute improvement. It was still my PR and I'm glad that i didn't get any slower, but I was very bummed that I didn't get a chance to show a notable improvement in my running. But here is the deal - we reap what we sow. I don't mean this in a negative way at all - the beautiful thing about our body is that it functions the way it is trained! Here's how I see this race and how I can improve going forward - I may have failed to meet my goals but I am taking this experience to prepare even better next time for the result I want.

The body can handle what it was trained for: the longest mile i ran in one day during training was 10 miles. I was supposed to run 13 miles one weekend, but I couldn't finish because it was a terribly rainy day and I almost froze to death trying to finish the distance. I ran 8 miles twice, and maybe 9 miles once as well. Amazingly, my piriformis muscles (the muscles that are under our butt cheeks that surround our hip joints, so to speak) broke down about half a mile after I passed the 10 mile mark. More amazingly, up to mile 8, my average running speed was the fastest i have ever ran in a race! How funny is that - my body handled the 8 miles very well because I trained for it multiple times. However, since I skimped on my longer runs towards the end of training (working 20/7 did not help but let me keep my excuses short), my body basically only handled what it was trained for. Cause and effect. That is the truth.
My hip flexors worked great! But my glutes/piriformis broke down: this is yet another amazing result of what I put in. As you may have read before, my hip flexors (these are the muscles that help us pull our legs up when we run or walk, on both sides of our lower abdomen) have always been a huge source of my pain. During training, on the days i wasn't running, I diligently worked on my hip flexors to strengthen them. My glutes bothered me from time to time, so I worked on them, but not as regularly as I did on my hip flexors. Especially during the last three weeks of my training when I was actually working too much and therefore sitting in still position most of the time, I knew I had to work on my glutes (back of my hips) as well as my hip flexors (front of my hips), but due to the limited amount of free time I had, I allocated whatever time i had to keeping my hip flexors from breaking down. During the race, I really did NOT have any problem with my hip flexors, but from the beginning of my race my left glutes were just bugging me, which made me overcompensate with my right legs, which basically later caused my right glutes to break down as well. I had to walk straight for 5 minutes around mile 11, and walking was still causing my eyes to tear up! (But I still finished, which I'm proud of)
If you don't train properly, you won't meet your goals: Up to the first five 6 weeks of my 10-week training program, which was programmed to specifically meet my timing goal, I was on track with my plan. It was going great. Starting week 7, things started falling apart (work, work, work), then in the last 3 weeks of my training, I was only able to do half of the frequency and distance of the suggested training, including missing a crucial peak week before I was to taper. As a result, I simply did not meet my timing goal at the race - I mean, amazing, isn't it??? Ok, I know i'm being sarcastic with the whole amazing thing, but really, as I was driving back from work tonight I was no longer bummed about the race. I basically reaped what I sowed.

So what's my next race? What are my plans?

3/20, I will be running my first full marathon in the city of Los Angeles. Towards the end of January, I will do a half marathon race to check the progress of my training. For those two races, I know EXACTLY what I need to do - GO BY THE TRAINING PROGRAM, DO ALL MY DISTANCES, and WORK ON THOSE GLUTES AS WELL AS THE HIP FLEXORS!!!!! There is no other simple formula. Do the training, and do the strength work that are crucial to sustaining my structural integrity.

I'm actually really excited that i don't even have to think hard to come up with a game plan, as my failure pretty much revealed to me what was supposed to be done to succeed!

It's never a mystery why things work or don't work - well, of course there are exceptions. But when it comes to the matter of our body, it really works in accordance with what we put in. So eat well, sleep well, think well and move well. And never wonder, "how did i get this better?"

Before I head out for a Run...

2010-10-31T16:55:00.001-07:00

It's Sunday, 5pm. I need to go for a run now. It is supposed to be 13 miles, but i'm not sure where i will end up because i haven't ran all week. Work was outrageously busy and I got sucked into the stress...

The key to today's run will be to start very slow - my right SI joint in the back is definitely rubbing (ouch!), my right hip flexor is tight and hurting. The only way to get these parts moving right is to warm up right. My body will be in for a shock today, after a full week of lots of sitting still in front of the computer. I have been doing conditioning work throughout the week instead (i only had 10-15 minutes / day to do anything, so i had to choose conditioning work), so hopefully that has counteracted the muscle fatigue from doing absolutely nothing.

Another key point to remember as i start is to get my mind going on the positive direction - a week of bad training is not the end, these things happen. I can't let my frustrations get in the way of my continued efforts to train. When the body is weak, the mind has to hold it up...if the mind break downs as well, it will be game over for me.

All i know is that when i'm done with the run, no matter how short or long, i will feel A LOT better than I have been all week! Every day has its challenges, every day has its startling line and finish line. Today I will finish nicely. Then I will start my week on a positive note.

It is so easy to let the bad things in life take over us... but every day we can choose to turn it around. Things hurt everywhere right now but I will not get down. I will move this body to loosen up the tight muscles, get the blood flowing, and get those serotonin levels up!! Sitting here and trying to get more work done will only harm me in the long run. I will go, even if it is for 45 minutes. I will keep going if i feel up for it. i will stop if i don't. but I will make sure i do my very best to do the most i can.

it has been tough week - my determinations and beliefs were challenged and I was challenged...I was tempted to break down and let go of my convictions. But i didn't. I didn't cave into the pressures of life. Because deep down inside, i know everything i have worked hard on paid off at the end. I have to keep going, go with the flow, and when the flow stops on me, I have to go and get some drano to get life flowing again... just like that, i will fight my fears of pain and doubts about running today and just get moving. Then who knows what can happen. I'm just not going to stop here. i'm just not going to not do this.

Even when it doesn't feel right, we have to keep doing the right thing.

Half Marathon Training - So Far, So Good!

2010-10-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Over the past 4 weeks, I’ve survived 3 long runs of 8-10 miles! I have been diligently doing conditioning work on rest days to strengthen my usual problem areas (hips, hip flexors, I’ve talked about them way too often). It’s not that I don’t have any pain anymore, but the conditioning work has enabled me to continue my runs without prolonged breaks forced from the pain! Now that is progress compared to even earlier this year.

The conditioning work is really nothing intense or particularly strenuous – since I sit a lot during the day without much movement at work, I make sure I move my legs in all four directions (front, back, side to side) and do exercises that strengthen my glutes. Occasionally I’d add upper body workouts as well to strengthen the core (helps posture when running). Very infrequently using weights, most of the times using resistance bands or sometimes none at all. It’s something most of the people (if not all!) can handle if you have a chronic pain issue.

Running a lot also has helped me manage my stress better and get my thoughts organized to make positive decisions in my life. Being back in training mode definitely suits my life better! It is also great to have something to look forward to tackling (e.g. break 2:40 time goal for the half marathon on 11/14), achieving, etc… what is your next achievement? It doesn’t have to be big, just something you have been wanting to do, make it a goal and just go for it! The feeling of accomplishing goals will charge you up for the next!!! Having something to look forward to…a great impetus to go to sleep to wake up the next day and get moving!!!

Here are my goals for this week:

Get all my deliverables done at work in a timely and accurate manner
Make sure I train at least 3 days of the week (out of the ideal 4)
Don’t eat heavily salty, spicy and soy-sauce marinated food (worst for my allergies)
Don’t get frustrated by others’ bad attitude – just stay happy and positive at all times

What are your goals for the week? No matter how big or small, let’s set them and experience the power of achieving them!

Getting back in Gear

2010-09-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a while.

I think I've let myself get lost a little bit. Maybe I got tired of all the discipline, the planning, the training, being strong, being diligent and working hard. I thought if i took a step back from all of this I would feel better. The work load didn't change. In fact, things got worse. Sleeping in most of the days and on the weekends instead of doing my training didn't make me better. Irregular exercise, irregular sleep patterns, work stress and personal pressure to be everything for everybody all made me very...mixed up.

Well, i'm here to say that those mixed up days are over. I'm back and i'm ready for the next step up.

First of all, I would like to thank many of you who have sent me encouraging messages about my blog - although i have been silent for a while you have continued to find me, which motivated me even more to return to where i belong. I realized I am happiest when i'm working hard towards a goal, a big goal i am scared of going for! On that note, I've signed up for my first full marathon ever - the LA Marathon. That will take place in March 2011. I believe it will be my first event into my path to completing a full ironman. It is what i'm meant to do.

I had a pretty nasty flu this past week. I kept questioning why i have been feeling so unlike myself for the past 6-8 months. All the answers came down to what i mentioned before - i realized that i'm best when i'm doing what i was doing up to about 6-8 months ago - training as diligently as i used to!!!

I have a lot to work on - as strong and determined as I seem to be on this blog, i have weaknesses that make me stumble, doubt and hide. I even at times doubt who I am and what I'm worth, and i have realized just now that all of those things are a thing of the past, or I should make sure they become things of the past. Only then will I be able to achieve the great desires of my heart in the future.

Whatever we have inside that is holding us back - we all have those - they deserve to be let go. Some of the past hurts we hold on to probably have contributed partially to the condition we live with. Some were out of our control when they happened. But what we decide to hold on to and let go of - aren't those in our control now? YES. Therefore I'm challenging myself and all of you who are reading this to let go of the things that have hurt us. It will not only make us better emotionally or mentally, but it will make us better physically, even if it is by a margin.

Here's to a new day. here's to stepping up. God has opened yet another opportunity for us to grow and prosper.

Changing things up - Let's keep it Interesting!

2010-07-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

I've been giving my hips a break. I've attempted to go back to cycling recently, only to end up with severe tightness in my hips, lower abdomen and hip flexors. The muscles are very weak, probably weakened from months of long hours at work. Sitting still in front of the computer for 10+ hours for two months is not good for anyone!

While focusing on conditioning and strengthening my hip area, I started changing things up a little bit. I picked up a new interest called surfing - i purchased my first longboard and have been splashing around in the ocean! I'm still struggling to catch a long ride, but i love being out in the water just having fun and getting a great work out paddling and carrying around a giant 9' board. Surfing is definitely more intense than slow and steady swimming, biking or running, but I think my health has improved to a point where i can handle some occasional intensity. That is an improvement i can be proud of! The consistent conditioning and strengthening work (none of them really involve much weight - most of it is all body weight and subtle movements, they have really strengthened my muscles and joints, unbelievable) has really helped me handle some of the ballistic and sudden movements without feeling intense pain later.

To be honest, i think the recent years of non-stop triathlon training has gotten me burned out a bit. My passion for tri's remain strong, but in order to continue my dream to finish an Ironman race one day, I feel like I needed a break from the routine training after completing the Escape from Alcatraz race. Instead, I'm really enjoying just being "active" and taking on some new challenges. A change in routine is always good - even in our diet, our workouts, pain management regimen, hobbies, etc. We can feel like we're stuck in a rut doing the same things over and over...so when dealing with pain and fatigue, maybe we need to change things up a little once in a while so that we don't get bored of our routine and lose sight of our health!

I have a half-marathon race coming up in November 14, at Big Sur. I have about a month to focus on strengthening my hips to be ready to train for the race. Until then, i will continue to focus on conditioning and strength training and also enjoying some activities outside of the usual swim, bike and run. By August, my mind and body will be ready for some new level of training after a break from the routine - as it won't be routine anymore!

I've also been thinking about the next 12-18 months - November half marathon, maybe February my first full marathon, and then a year after that may be my first full Ironman???? A dream has been planted, so i know I have to execute. I love thinking about these things and anticipating something new. With that goal in mind, recovery now becomes even a greater priority.

What dream have you planted recently? Are you excited about it? Are you ready to execute, no matter what it takes? Just think of the day you will accomplish it! You are already be on your way to the finish line.

Hope you all had a happy 4th - we are blessed to be able to enjoy a holiday like this.

What's Stress Got to Do With It?

2010-06-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

...EVERYTHING.

This past Friday, I experienced the strangest yet the strongest flare up - ever. As you know and I know, I have been blessed because my fibromyalgia has never been as strong as some people who suffer pain levels that make them hurt to the touch. I really could never comprehend what that would feel like, as it almost sounded like an exaggeration (i know it isn't!!!). Well, I was wrong and as if God wanted me to feel what hurting to the touch felt like, it struck me out one night after yet another late night at work.

Just to give you a quick background, work has not only been busy but also incrementally stressful because my new hire has not been working out well for our team. As a result, i have been staying extra long hours in order to review every single thing he does, correcting his errors and then use the late hours to get my job done. I have always been able to let go of work stress pretty well no matter how tough things got. However, people's ability is not something we can control, so I suppose I've been lost in trying to deal with this whole situation. I've been doing my best to teach him and motivate him to do better and communicate proactively with everyone to get things done on time and with reasonable level of accuracy. I have learned so far that it is very difficult to tolerate his mistakes and taking extra time to correct his mistakes while still trying to give him positive reinforcement!!

Anyway, after having a rather unsuccessful review meeting with my analyst at 9pm while all of us were trying to meet deadlines for three different projects, I think something happened that triggered my pain nerves. 30 minutes or so after, my ankles and calves started burning, my head started hurting, and i was just overwhelmed with fatigue. Although I still had a great deal of work to do, I knew i had to go home.

By the time i got home, my entire legs were sore and burning all over, my jaws hurt, and I felt like someone beat me hard on my back, I was not sure what was going on and the fear of the unknown scared me beyond belief. I was also really worried about making it to work the next day as there was still so much to do. The minute i got in, i dropped everything and took advil and two packs of Total Sleep, which is a natural serotonin booster (via tryptophan). I had to hope that it would help me relax and sleep better. As i started changing out of my work clothes, I realized that I was hurting so much from the clothes brushing down my legs! Literally, I was feeling sharp pain from what usually is a soft and pleasant feeling, a soft touch of soft fabric... I really did not know what to do, or how to react. I crawled in to bed, soon to realize that i couldn't lie down except on my back because I couldn't bear the pain from my body touching the bed! So I rolled my body like a ball so that the only part of my body touching the bed was my back. I stayed in that position for at least 30 minutes (not easy to do).

I don't know how long it was, but for as long as I could all I did was just pray that this sharp burning sensation would calm down a little. I was just stunned about it all, it was so different, it was so overwhelming, but i just focused on getting my nerves calm and shake off whatever stress i was feeling from work. I just never had to deal with a people problem like this before.

I think i fell asleep while praying...

The next morning when I woke up I definitely felt less of that burning sensation, but my ankles and calves and my teeth were still hurting (i know, teeth???).

I did make it to work, and I knew had to learn how to let people-related stress not get to me as it did the night before. I have a lot to think about.

I'm still in a lot of pain, my hips are definitely feeling it, i'm fatigued and i'm struggling to stay positive. But i know this is a challenge for me to overcome, that's the only way i can look at this. Maybe my analyst needs a manager that can develop his skills a little further. Maybe i can teach him to be more proactive, and show him new ways to approach problem solving, etc. I will try as much as I can until it is proven that i can't influence him any further.

Stress is a scary thing for all of us - and especially for us with fibromyalgia. Our already low serotonin levels will drop down, allowing our already high level of pain chemicals to shoot up and govern our brains! This flare up was really one of the scariest experiences i have ever had, and my heart goes out to those who suffer this kind of pain on a daily basis. But i know that even this can be overcome and I can get better. I have to keep trying. I hope we all keep trying. it's not easy, but we have to take the challenge.

God bless us all.

Escape from Alcatraz Race Report - The Training part

2010-05-16T21:42:00.000-07:00

From the day I got the email “Congratulations! You have been selected in the 2010 Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon Random Lottery!” to the moment I crossed the finish line, I have to start out by saying that I have never gone through a training – racing time period with more emotional turmoil than I did with this race. It has already been two weeks since I’ve finished and I haven’t even allowed myself to meditate on this experience until just now. You are all reading this because you have been a positive influence in my training, directly and indirectly, and it is my minimal duty to express proper gratitude and appreciation for being a part of my life and motivation that prevented me from completely bailing from the race (I had all the reasons!) and to ultimately finish the disastrous run course and into the finish line.

** Training, or no Training??**

Most of you have heard too much at this point about my chronic hip issue… After my half marathon in February, running opportunities were pretty much shot, starting from the time I was supposed to do the Great Race of Agoura Hills half marathon in March. I did the best I could to strengthen my weak spots and hoped for my hips to endure the two half marathons to prep me for this particular race, but no, things just didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped. But that always happens in training, things never go the way you planned, so it seems.

The alternative plan was to then focus on the swim – I mean, I need to get out of the water first to finish the race, right? I had heard so many tales of the cold and the strong current of the Alcatraz swim – and the 1.5 mile distance wasn’t the most comforting factor, either. I recalled the many times I used to hyperventilate and stiffen up in the cold waters of Malibu and Oxnard (Strawberry Fields Tri in July last year), which I was able to overcome only after warming up in the water for at least 10 minutes before the race start. Realizing that the Alcatraz race would offer me no time to warm up (you are required to jump off a boat straight into the water once the gun goes off), I knew I had to somehow overcome that cold water factor. Also, I had to just become comfortable in the ocean in all situations, period. So how would I achieve that in a mere two months’ time?

I thought of the people I knew who had no fear of the ocean whatsoever – who really think being in the ocean in all weather is the most fun thing to do (i won't name names, but there are three, and you know who you are if you're reading this). I wanted their spirit to rub off, so I asked them to take me out to the water. Thanks to them, I did end up picking up the most valuable reinforcement to my psyche – ocean swimming is so fun! I didn’t agree with them 100% and I am not sure if I ever will, but at least I forced myself to believe in it somehow by telling it myself over and over. Their comfort levels in the water, however, to witness in person, helped me feel relaxed too so that I could focus on swimming, not NOT freaking out. I also picked times when the water would be choppier than in the mornings so that I could get used to random splashes in my face and drinking salt water through my nose. Contrasting types of training methods were employed – from a very calming “let’s just tread water and feel comfortable in the ocean” approach to the Spartan-style “keep swimming, don’t stop, don’t be weak, Alcatraz is going to be a lot colder and choppier than this!” approach. In hindsight, they were both very effective training approaches.

Bike training – sooooooooooooooo, I only got on the road twice (maybe three times?) leading up to the race. I could only pray and hope that my grueling trekking experience in Peru’s high altitude would help me get through the hills. There were a few occasional hill interval training on the trainer, but overall bike training was non-existent if I compare this to the time and devotion I put in last year for my half ironman race.

Overall, my preparation for this race was challenged with terribly busy work days, big and rather untimely travel plans (what was I thinking??? But nonetheless I had the best trip ever to Peru) and quite a few changes in my personal life which required me to be more “flexible” with my training time.

But no matter what, I still had to do the race - and that is what i did! :)

Escape from Alcatraz Race Report

2010-05-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

The alarm went off at 4am. Shirley dropped me off at the race site around 530am, and she headed off to her volunteer site in the run course (I was really looking forward to getting to that point). I felt like a lamb heading to a butcher site, but Shirley, as usual, did an amazing job at calming my nerves and gave me the much needed pep talk.

I mindlessly went into the transition area and set up camp. Once I was done, I headed to the bus that was transporting everybody to the pier, where the San Francisco Belle was waiting for 2,000 athletes to board to head to Alcatraz. The San Francisco Belle was tourist cheesiness boat at its best!

SWIM – 1.5 miles

The boat left at 7a with all of us crammed in like a pack of sardines – I was in that boat for over an hour and a half, including waiting time leading up to the departure. In the beginning it was so nerve wracking cuz everybody was so quiet in the boat. However, as time went by we all started chatting to work our nerves off, and the boat became more like a party place without the alcohol. This actually really helped me because had I stayed quiet the entire time I was on the boat I would have passed out from the anxiety and the heat generated by crowd. I felt quite at home with 1,999 other fellow masochists who considered this an “exciting” experience.

There were three doors we could jump off from, so we all lined up and started walking towards the doors as the gun went off at 8am – the minute you were out the door you had to jump immediately off the boat, down about 5-7 feet into the water and just start swimming before someone else jumped on top of you. Thanks to Shirley’s advice from her race experience two years ago, I told myself not to wait to feel how cold the water was but to focus entirely on navigation. Crap, it was my turn to cross that door and that was it, I held my goggle down to my face and jumped in as if I was going scuba diving, and the minute I hit the water I just swam like I never swam before. I had the swim finish to my right (3 o’clock angle), but because of the current I was supposed to just sight in the 12 o’clock direction. It was counterintuitive at first, but I was also warned about the strong current that no one can swim against once you are off track, so I just did what I was told to do. About 15 minutes in, I felt my left arm numbing up from the cold, but I couldn’t even let that bother me, so I started swimming harder so that I’d warm up. When I felt nervous, I stopped and looked around me, and the sight of the Golden Gate bridge in the stunningly gorgeous weather made me smile and think “look at me, I’m swimming across the freaking bay!!!!!” and kept me going. I felt like a badass, I really did.

As I got closer to the finish, I saw more people in the water, which gave me a huge relief after being alone for most of the swim (everybody was swimming in all sorts of directions!) – and then finally I saw a big crowd at the swim finish gate, literally right in front of me, then finally was able to get up and start running out of the water – YEAH I did it!!!!! 42 minutes!

MINI-TRANSITION FROM SWIM FINISH TO BIKE

There is about a half-mile run out of the swim to the bike transition area – the race directors had us put our running shoes and whatever else we needed for this mini-transition in plastic bags with our bib numbers on them and drop them off before the race. They were swearing “oh don’t worry, we never lose your bags!” Ok, so I run over to find my transition bag, only to realize that I couldn’t find mine. I grabbed a volunteer and we both frantically started looking…after 5 minutes or so we both concluded that it wasn’t there. I almost burst out in tears “what about my run later?” to which the volunteer said “we will find your bag and leave it in your transition area before your run, we will find it.” I kinda didn’t believe in him but what the heck that was not my problem at that point, I just started running barefoot with water dripping all over me. The asphalt was pretty unfriendly on the feet, which was only amplified by the fact that my feet were ice-cold from the water…ouch ouch ouch ouch I kept saying as I was trying to run… it was a pathetic attempt nonetheless, as pretty much everybody passed me to the bike transition area. CRAP.

BIKE – 18 miles. Short and NOT SWEET – at all!

Finally, I arrive at the transition area, and I think I have holes under my feet. This woman about two bikes next to me saw me and all of a sudden offered up her running shoes and said “I saw that they lost your transition bag, I’m a size 9.5 and I have an extra pair of running shoes so if you need them later you’re more than welcome to it.” I’m like, huh? I’m a size 10.5 running shoes (my feet swell up a full size in longer runs, but regardless yes I have big feet) but I knew that could work somehow if things got desperate. She went off to ride and I thanked her as I started putting on my socks (as well as rocks and grass) while drying off as much as I could…I left the running shoes in my transition area and took off for the bike course, hoping that I wouldn’t have to wear them. They were Asics that I have tried before and suffered from serious pronation issues which sent me on a year-long physical therapy adventure… dang dang dang…hopefully they will find my bag….

Ok, so 18 miles, but quite hilly…lots of technical turns followed by ups and downs… it was an out-and-back course, so I knew there was nothing to laugh about going downhill one way as I knew I had to go up on the way back – however the scenery along the course was stunning – that was my only mental escape from the tough course. Once I entered the Golden Gate Park area after going down a long stretch of a fun downhill, the ups and downs finally settled down a bit into a flat path and I was able to enjoy a little break, which I took the opportunity to refuel with melting and sticky Hammer bars (but they really helped me through the ride!). Sooner than later, I got out of the park and I knew I had to go up that long stretch of a hill….ok I survived that ….then turn left….and then turn right…and then straight up hill for another….what, a quarter of a mile maybe? But damn I almost fell off the bike on the uphill after the turn as I pretty much lost all the speed that I didn’t have to begin with????? But I didn’t fall, I didn’t stop and walk myself up as some other racers did! It was so freaking steep I could feel my right hip flexor was about to snap and my right lower back just giving out any minute….ugggghhhhh just keep going Minnie, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop…. Finally after three of those nasty series of hills…I finally enjoyed some flats and mostly downhill on the way to the bike finish….that was a short ride but it was hard and agonizing!

RUN – 8 miles.

I get to my transition area – I put the bike down, taking my bike gear off…and looking for that bag they said they were going to bring…but the only thing I saw was the pair of Asics the lady left for me…. at that point my brain went “hey you know what, they lost my bag, I don’t have my running shoes! I can totally blame them and say I couldn’t finish because of them! They were the ones that screwed up, right?” then I looked at those Asics and thought “what are the chances that this woman next to me happened to be close to my big shoe size? These shoes might not have the right support for me, but this has to be a sign that I can’t ignore??? Oh, this blessing is also a curse, let’s just do it!” so I crammed my feet into those shoes and just went for it. and that was because I had NO IDEA what kind of run course I was getting myself into.

First 2 miles, easy flat peaceful route except that I was desperate for a porta-potty…ugh…running with a stomach full of water is no way to be running… ok finally I see a restroom, take care of business, back on the course feeling as light as a feather…then out of nowhere a flight of stairs! I’m thinking to myself, is this the infamous sand ladder? But there was no sand…ok, these are just more stairs that the race directors *forgot* to mention…then down the road into the beach area…and then when my eyes followed the orange cones I started cringing as they were basically asking us to run on the soft sand…for about half a mile. I dragged my already beat legs and back and tried to run on the soft sand, but let’s just say that I wasn’t making much progress. Finally, I hear someone screaming my name by the water stand…am I losing my mind? I’m hearing my name…am I hallucinating??? Of course then it hits me it’s no other than my hero Shirley who was volunteering to be my eyes on the course!!!! All the other people volunteering with her were screaming my name too, which was totally awesome…. Yeah!!! I ran straight to her and gave her a hug and yelled “the swimming was the easiest part!” at which she totally laughed because she had to deal with me freaking out about the swim for like the past 3 months. Shirley ran about a quarter mile with me to keep me company – running on hard sand closer to the water felt a lot better, and I wanted to kick myself for not running on this surface to begin with, I was just being the law-abiding racer by naively following the cones, thinking I would get disqualified if I didn’t.

As I finally get through the grueling running in the sand, I look up and see crazy Equinox flags flying along a very steep hilly area….OHHHHHHH so THAT’s the sand ladder! Yeah, THAT!!!! I not only had to hold on to the ropes on the railings to pull myself up most of the time (apparently even the pros held on to them at crucial times so I didn’t care if I looked like a wimp for using them to help me) but there were also moments my hip flexors just wouldn’t move in forward motion, I had to actually start going up the steps laterally. PATHETIC! This thing was 3 times the height of the Santa Monica stairs, with sand on every step so that it would suck all the energy out of my legs. I just kept on, I didn’t look up to see where the end was and just focused on one step after another. Finally, with the last push of my legs and pull of my arms (still holding on that rope), I was done with the torture device and moved on to the joy of running uphill (everything is relative). I think I finally hit Mile 5 at that point, can’t recall… but as my feet started swelling up the shoes were feeling jammed in the toes and my right hip was completely shot from all the pronation. I just started laughing. There is always so much irony in my races.

Over the last two miles, I ended up running with a fellow racer from Michigan – he and I were both hurting so much but running at the same pace so we decided to run together to keep each other motivated. However, my right hip just froze up in the last mile I had to walk for a bit. After saying “see you at the finish line” I walked for 3 minutes to stretch out my hip…then went for the home stretch, just bit my tongue and ran/skipped all the way.

Finally, I see the finish line area and the big crowd was still around to greet the late finishers…as I was only about 50-75 feet away from the finish line, the announcers mentioned my name “Minnie Lee, from Playa del Rey” and I started jumping and smiling out of excitement. The announcers continued on to say “who else can you expect all that energy from, other than someone named Minnie from Southern Cali!” oh only if they knew I worked at Disney… anyway, DUDE I crossed that finish line in a leap with my hands up in the air, and I’ve got the photos to prove it!

The other racer from Michigan was waiting for me at the end of the finish area – we hugged and congratulated each other for surviving our Escape from Alcatraz. The company of a total stranger can help us get through a tough and lonely time! This is one of the reasons why I love this race. Oh yeah and the finisher’s medal too. :)

IN CONCLUSION

This wasn’t just another race under my belt – this was kind of an adventure, an experience I will cherish for life. From training to the end of the race, lots of unexpected events happened which almost stopped me from finishing – however, after every bad surprise, there was always a good surprise that came from people’s kindness. I was a recipient of Shirley’s kind offer to be there with me before, during and after the race when I thought I was going to end up going through it alone, I benefited greatly from the random woman’s graceful offer to give me her pair of shoes to enable me to finish the race (I didn’t end up seeing her after the race, I think she got timed out on the bike course), and without the kindness of all of your motivating words, support and your time to help me out with my fear of the ocean (you know who you are), I wouldn’t have been able to finish this race, not even close. Because of all of you I was able to face one of my biggest fears and get through a race I couldn’t fathom finishing. Even during the race I couldn’t fathom getting through it all at certain times, but all it took was that one jump off the boat and into the water…the rest was just driven by…the pure need to finish.

A lot of the times we face similar situations in life – actually perhaps this is just like life, in a smaller scale. We are living our lives, we don’t know what the heck is supposed to happen with our lives, what we’re supposed to be when we grow up, how we’re supposed to finish off in style…but we took the plunge, and now we just have to keep going, because we just have to. In the course of all this, I hope to survive a few tough times, enjoy a few surprises, both good and bad, and do a few good things and help a few people along the way…and hopefully I will raise my hands up in the air and jump as I cross the finish line of life. It is so long yet so short, just like this crazy Escape from Alcatraz race. NEVER GIVE UP, and FINISH SMILING!

For race photos, go to: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=214810&id=678347111&l=6b4fd2e1a6

Like I Said....

2010-03-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

So what did I just say before???? WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS BEFORE MORE OFTEN?????

Swim felt GREAT! Duh.

JUST DID IT!

Training progress

2010-03-17T13:28:00.001-07:00

I'm still struggling to get my training back on track, but I am getting a hang of it slowly. I had a bit of a hiccup when I ended up with a severe cold that knocked me down for 4 days...when I was starting to feel better I sat down and went over my training plan for the 5/2 Escape from Alcatraz triathlon... Yikes, the only thing I've been doing diligently is running. With 2 half marathons under my belt leading up to the triathlon, I feel comfortable with the run.

On the other hand - for the 1.5 mile of swimming in the cold and choppy water...eh only 1 pool session to date, and for the 18 mile super hilly bike ride - one FLAT group ride to date (with some interval training, etc).... YIKES!!!!! I really have some work to do.

I did revise my training schedule, however. I think it will work out ok. I've even scheduled a practice swim in the San Francisco Bay 2 weeks before the race to at least familiarize myself with the blasting cold water!!! Need to work on getting rid of the fear of ocean swimming (will it ever go away?) and really getting some super hilly bike rides in. Thinking about it makes me stress. Just gotta do them.

Training after work has been tough, since it has been very hard to find the energy and mental motivation to go work out after a draining work day. But that again has to be tackled.

I feel like in general I've lost my rhythm quite a bit this year compared to last. A lot has changed and I let myself get impacted by those changes... At the end I do have to be a lot more flexible with my time, which I have to juggle between being well-planned and being spontaneous. Sounds easy, right?? But all these changes are demanding a new set of mindset and action plans from me - change is never easy!

Well, I keep pushing. I think, I rethink, then I try to execute. If I put off my swim training today one more time, I will just not be happy with myself. It's time to just implement. Just go do it. After I'm done with that swim I'm probably going to ask myself 'so why didn't I do that more often before????'. Sometimes thinking about the future can make things seem a lot harder than what actually could be...we will only know what it's going to be like when we're in it.

God bless!
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THANK YOU

2010-03-03T20:57:00.001-08:00

EVERYONE:

Thank you soooooo much for all your amazing comments. You all inspire me to keep going and stay strong in the toughest times! The fact that you take the time to read my silly writings and then go even further to write something so kind and encouraging...means so much to me. THANK YOU.

Keep Trying, keep trying....and wake up one day BETTER!

2010-03-03T20:12:00.000-08:00

I have to go to bed soon because i have to get up at 430am tomorrow to squeeze in a hill run and a swim before work, BUT i have to just give a quick update because I am totally having an epiphany.

The past couple of months, it's been a tug of war between good days and bad days. Back pain, hip pain, neck pain, fatigue, lack of sleep, inconsistent training days, etc... you name, it, you've read them and dang i remember every single day of them!

As I was planning my morning (the aforementioned crazy workout plan) just about an hour or so ago, I realized that despite the ups and downs and frustrating days of pain and fatigue in all sorts of rainbow variety to date, whatever small and seemingly pathetic moves I made actually accumulated into something better....like last Sunday I ran my FASTEST 5K race to date (it was uphill half of the time too!), then I even went for a mile swim the same day, then ran yesterday morning for 50 minutes no problem, and yes, still hip and back pain here and there but quite manageable! WHAT THE HECK somehow I got there! BACK ON TRACK! Ok I'm not excited right now, at all.....

So I guess the point i'm trying to make here is that...for those of you trying all sorts of things to make yourselves better, don't give up! Keep on doing what you're doing, make revisions if necessary, just keep trying...just keep on keeping on....keep trying...again and again...and you just NEVER know, you might, no no no, you WILL wake up on the other side! Don't let go of your hope and belief that what you put in will bear fruit! It just has to happen. It just has to.

OK must go to bed now! Good night and God bless!

Finally getting back on the Bike

2010-02-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

This week, I started 45-60 minute interval training on the bike, in order to get a start on my bike training for the season. My goal this year is to ride on the big chain most of the time, and really gain some speed, by 3-4 mph. I tried to maintain a 80+rpm on the big chain for 6 minutes during my high intensity interval, which was pretty tough, and i could feel my legs burning...wow! But I definitely feel right now that the interval training will help me be a better cyclist.

Today, however, I have to say my neck and shoulders are really feeling it (cycling can really stiffen the neck and shoulder area, as you can imagine), and the intensity of the workouts had me a bit knocked down today. it is bit frustrating, but i don't feel as bad for some reason. I do have a feeling that I will be able to get up early tomorrow for a 4-mile run and then 5 trips up the Santa Monica stairs (great glute and cardiovascular workout!). Let's just hope I can do it!

Just had a healthy pasta and salad dinner - with chicken, artichokes, olives, avocados, zucchini, fresh basil and baby spinach. It was delicious!

I'm struggling with trying to figure out why i'm having rather frequent flare-ups lately, but i also know that this happens in cycles...when i am having irregular sleep, get frequently stressed out and also after a prolonged period of intense workouts. So i have all the reasons to be feeling fatigued, but at the same time I know i have to do a better job sleeping more regularly. I kinda broke my steady cycle. I need to be more disciplined.

Today is one of those days I had to just accept that sometimes I have to just rest and do nothing no matter how frustrating it is, while still dreaming about training again very soon. There are so many things I want to do (and I NEED to do) in my mind, and i'm so eager...so when I'm physically limited to do them, I tend to get very angry and down on myself. I mean...why should i let it get to me, i have to react less strongly to my unfavorable symptoms, so that i can get out of it faster. This week was tough, after last weekend's strong flareups, because I really let myself fall into the trap of feeling awful for my condition. Sometimes I feel so small and useless, in the face of all the responsibilities I have and the duties I must complete every day. I feel the world closing in on me, and I want to shut down from everything and everyone....I become a totally different person. And i hate it. It takes a couple of days to snap out of that emotional trap, but I really need to work on not letting myself fall so hard like that to begin with! What an emotional turmoil, which totally is unimaginable when I'm not feeling that way! Fibromyalgia is so complex in that sense - there is the physical side, and then there is the mental and emotional side that can really overwhelm us and in effect worsen the pain we're feeling.

I know I am a healthy, happy and loving person. I also need to believe better that I am a good person, I work hard and that I deserve to be loved - healthy and weak. My self-imposed pressure to be perfect...can be my worst enemy. Accept myself. Accept EVERYTHING about myself...that might just be the most important thing for me to do in order to be strong against Fibromyalgia.

Life goes on, I have another half marathon 3/27, then have Escape to Alcatraz Triathlon on 5/2. I have to start swimming again soon! Lots to do, Lots to brave... please wish me luck! I need to stay focused and determined to keep training no matter what happens.

We get what we give away - Smile at all times!

2010-02-13T19:34:00.000-08:00

This morning, I was hurting quite a bit. I was aching from my fingers to my toes, with sharp pains in my shoulder blades. I felt like my joints were on fire.

Even a couple of years ago, in these kind of tough days, I used to shut down immediately and get all somber (sometimes we can't help it, but...), quietly hoping and expecting that my partner would give me pity and sympathy and be next to me. That, in turn made my partner shy away from my symptoms and keep his distance because it wasn't like he could do anything to make me feel better. My negative mood and attitude acted as a repellent, and nothing else. What i realized recently, as i looked back, was that my somber attitude and the passive/aggressive expectations for "support" was exactly what made my relationships not work at the end (among other things, of course).

The last couple of years of my life, as things turned for the positive and I have learned a thing or two about taking care of myself, I distinctly started to remember my childhood. My mother has had her battles with her health - she always used her lack of health to draw our attention and demanded so much care and sympathy, and later it got so bad to a point where we were always guilted into doing things for her as she pleaded with her health, even when she wasn't as sick. Eventually, I got tired of it all and i just shut down on her every time she started blaming me for being a bad daughter because i didn't meet her expectations. I was on my way to being that same person, and that was the last thing i wanted to be to anyone! NO WAY.

The fact is, flare ups are both physically, mentally and emotionally challenging. Naturally, we want someone to understand what we're going through and make us feel better. Another fact is, however, that after a flare-up there is always relief, and I've been through it many times. People in our lives, unless they have it themselves, have no idea what it feels like to have fibromyalgia-related pain symptoms. We can spend hours explaining it to make them understand, but at the end, they have no idea. And to be honest, i don't even want anyone to know what it's really like. it's painful as it is for me. So anyway, I really started thinking about these things as my relationship has started getting deeper and I have come to the conclusion that I truly care about the person I have been with for the past several months.

Going back to this morning, when i saw that my partner (let's call him J for now) was awake, I just quietly said to him that I was achy - him, being the genuine sweetheart that he is, asked me where, and i said "just all over." we managed to fall back asleep as he held me. That was so really nice. However, as the time came we had to get up and start the day, I was really struggling, but i didn't want to show it without adding a positive color to it. I just said that this too shall pass and that i'm just grateful that my flareups are only happening once every other month or so vs. every week when i was at my worst. I was going to go home, and just rest for the rest of the day, eating vegetables and fruit and waiting for the symptoms to dissipate. J asked a couple of times how things hurt and what i was going to do today (he was off to work also going to be out of town), I just kept smiling and said I was going to be fine. He asked "so is it fibromyalgia?" i just smiled and said "yes." Then finally he asked so innocently "can you die from it?" to which i replied "no, thank god, no...it's all fine." And i managed to give a cheerful good-bye as we were parting. I felt good. Of course, the drive home was painful, and this day in its entirety has been awful. But i was so happy that i was able to communicate my situation without shutting J down and creating tension that would ultimately do no benefit.

Just about an hour ago, I got a txt from J asking me how I was feeling. To me, that was more than enough care. I know he cares and he doesn't like me being in pain. and I can take care of myself, so i don't have to expect him or want him to take care of me when i'm suffering. So mutually, we're at a great balance of caring for each other and taking care of ourselves. it is a very important thing.

If the person in your life is genuinely not caring at all, then obviously we need to realize we deserve better. However, i believe that we have to be very careful not to burden others with our own and expect them to do something about it to make us feel better. We're not entitled to some kind of special sympathy or attention because of what we have - we should remember to appreciate the people in our lives and always remember to take ownership and responsibility of our health. With our positive attitudes, we will burden others less and they will be more genuinely caring and respectful of our situation.

I'm frustrated right now and my left side is just in so much pain, but i'm still smiling. I'm grateful I have a great life when i'm not in pain. I'm grateful for my relationship, for that special person that makes me laugh at all times. The last thing i want to do is burden him with something he cannot fix.

I'm looking forward to feeling better tomorrow. There's a lot to do, so hopefully I will be able to do most of them once my pain level subsides.

Oh btw, I did manage to cut 5.5 minutes off last year's half marathon time at the Surf City half marathon last weekend. It wasn't quite the 15 minutes i wanted to improve, but given the lack of training I was ok with the results. Now i have to work on meeting that goal at the Great Race of Agoura Hills Chesebro half marathon on 3/27!

God bless, and keep smiling at all times!

Surf City Half Marathon is Tomorrow

2010-02-06T17:24:00.001-08:00

I'm waiting to get my oil change and starting to gather my thoughts together to prepare for tomorrow's half marathon. The day before a race is always nerve-wracking, and what I think and how I spend my day determines how I am going to do tomorrow.

I am pretty concerned about my left glute and hip flexor, as they have been feeling very weak these past couple of weeks. I don't think this was one of my best-prepared races, and I missed one crucial week of training (when I was supposed to be at my last peak period), so needless to say I have no idea how I'm going to feel past mile 6. Or maybe 8.

I'm done with the worrying, so let's talk strategy now. I know my hips and glutes are going to take some time get some good blood flowing, so for the first 3-4 miles I'm going to just focus on doing 10 min Run/2 min walk intervals. When I feel more ready, I will try to alternate between 12:00min/mile and 13:00min/mile pace for the next 4 miles. Then for the rest hopefully I will be able to maintain a 13 min/mile pace to finish. Aggressive, but I will start there and see what my body can handle.

The key is to start slow and steady and not rush. It is my race, and I will not keep comparing myself with someone else. I'm slow, and with my inherent structural disadvantage (narrow hip socket, nearing displasia) I'm exposed to more pain. Well, I know that already and I want to overcome my weaknesses and do what I can. I will be proud of myself no matter what, and I will think of those who cannot run even if they want to. I will remember the encouragements from all different places and use them as my mental fuel source. I will not let fear limit me. I will only do my best.

I pray to God to keep me focused on the right things. I pray that I will be grateful no matter what. Besides, great Mexican food waiting for me at Las Barcas after the finish! And I will feel great, yet again after a grueling yet fun race!

Please keep me in your prayers...it is not in my hands to complete this race. I know it is all a blessing.

Go me, and go those with chornic pain - this race is for all of us.
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I am Ashamed of my Laziness! Getting back to Blog Posting...

2010-02-01T16:20:00.001-08:00

Life has been crazy, but i have NO EXCUSE for not having written anything in almost 3 months! doh! Well, in truth i have been writing a lot of things, but i haven't been posting them...because i felt like so much of it was me whining about my frequent pain and small injuries throughout the course of my half marathon training. I'm sure we are all over that stuff, myself included!

I am writing this to confess something.

Years of triathlon training and racing has made me greedy, and I have mentioned this before. I know that it is in my competitive nature to want to do better every year, and that is probably a good thing, but the bad thing is that I do believe that it has been keeping me from remembering why i really do the things I do.

I have been a bit, actually QUITE a bit stressed out lately about my upcoming Surf City Half Marathon (2/7, Super Bowl Sunday). My goal, when I signed up late last year, was to set a personal record time, as I vowed to heal my injuries and commit to a consistent conditioning and strengthening regimen. I was focused, I trained, I worked on my hip problems, lost some weight, etc... I was doing pretty well. Along the way, as things always do, life got busy and I wasn't able to maintain the training regimen I initially planned on. I also ended up traveling a bit more than i thought and missed out some crucial training weekends, including my last 10 mile training run 3 weeks before race day.

Today, I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes and stressed out about the fact that the easy 30 minute run was NOT too easy for me. I was thinking of not doing the race to save myself from the embrassment of not reaching my goals. I was thinking of still doing the race, but maybe not finishing it and use the race as one of the training runs for my next half marathon in March. i was thinking about a lot of stuff, obviously, but none of them was about actually committing to the race no matter what, and telling myself to just do it.

I came back from the run, and as I was having lunch, my other (probably the better) persona came out of nowhere and punched me in the head - this is not about me, it's about those who can't race! I'm running for those who can't run, i'm going to be in pain, ready or not, for those who are in far worse pain on a daily basis! My head dropped (but i didn't drop my sandwich), and I finally told myself, dang, I just have to do this. I have to finish the 13.1 miles, even it means i have to walk the last 3 miles, or limp the last 2 miles, or whatever. I am going to cross that finish line so that I can cross the finish line for many... Why do i keep forgetting this? I need to write something like this and stick it on my fridge so that I will be reminded every single day - "It's not about me, it's about those that suffer in pain even when they are not running."

Please keep me in your prayers! I will come back with finish line stories!

I have a few more updates and epiphanies - shall be updating about those pretty soon!

God bless you all - and thank you for your inspiration, all of you out there that somehow find my blog and reading about my humble existence! Your encouragement means so much to me!

Am I Ashamed of my Fibromyalgia Symptoms?

2009-11-16T20:20:00.000-08:00

This morning, I woke up with sharp pains in my lower back and glutes, and heavy feelings all around my body, especially my legs. I pushed myself to get up and moved around a bit, but it was impossible to loosen up my muscles. I went for a walk hoping to walk the tightness off, but instead I felt fatigued, which shortly after I fell hard into my bed and didn’t get up for the next five hours.

I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary this weekend when it comes to training. I ran 4 miles on Saturday followed by conditioning work, then on Sunday I was on the bike trainer for an hour at moderate intensity. I did yoga afterwards. I did have a few weeks of long work hours leading up to it, perhaps sitting for long hours for weeks did it for me at the end…but regardless of what the real reason was, I was frustrated.

I have been in a new relationship this past couple of months. I have to say, having fibromyalgia and managing a relationship is tougher than I thought. I have laid out my condition from the get go and I know he knows that I have it, but I know for sure he doesn’t have a clear idea as to what is entailed in it. I am so outgoing and energetic and active normally it is difficult for anyone to imagine me completely helpless in bed, completely shut down from my world. But that is the world that I have to face, and unfortunately the person in my life has to face it too...eventually. Now that, people, I have been having a really tough time with. I never want to expose myself to my significant other when I am weak, I only feel comfortable with my strong side. It is a silly kind of pride, I know. But to be blunt I have no idea how to deal with this kind of situation without making either myself or the other person potentially really uncomfortable.

So today, over the phone, I had to totally muster up all my energy to sound chirpy despite the pain and discomfort, as I was too worried about how he would feel about me being completely helpless and useless all day. He asked me if I needed anything – I said no, it’s just my every day thing, I’m used to it, bla bla bla… I could not get myself to say, yes, it would help me greatly if you could come by and help me have some water and eat some food, cuz I’ve been just starving all day long. But no, I had to sound in control and the last thing I wanted was for him to think that my condition could turn me into a weak person. Not that I think he would think that way, but it is my stupid ego to always wear the image of a strong person – because I am! Vulnerability is not my element…which ends up hurting me at the end.

But then I thought – why am I so cryptic and silent about the fact that I still have fibromyalgia symptoms, especially when I’m actually having them – am I ashamed? I am certainly proud of my accomplishments within the confines of my conditions – in fact I am grateful for being able to do more than I or anybody else had told me I could do. But what about my weaker side, am I proud of it? Perhaps I have been constantly touting my strong side and what I’ve accomplished, but been hiding my weak side, because, I was shameful of it? I am shameful of the weakness in me, when it was this very weakness that made me strong?

I know there is a balance in this life that I have to find – while pursuing my health by doing the things I do, I need to accept myself as someone that can be very weak and need others’ help from time to time. I only recently opened up to my closest friends to help me when I’m vulnerable, so I know it is going to take me some serious amount of time to let anyone new in my life to understand me and let that person see my vulnerable side. It is harder than I imagined. I really care about this person, so while I want to make sure I don’t overwhelm him with what I have, I would also be fooling him if I only showed my strong, energetic and strong side. But for now, I will admit I do still feel comfortable with my strong side…for now. In the mean time, I have to learn how to be vulnerable without feeling like I have to hide under my bed.

I shouldn’t have to feel shameful for my symptoms. It’s something I need to embrace, not merely cover up with my training and racing. I am not in denial of the fact that I have fibromyalgia, perhaps I never wanted it to rule my life anymore, but I do need to accept it a little more and embrace the fact that I have my condition…but be more proud of the fact that I’m working hard to overcome it.

Half Marathon Training begins TODAY

2009-11-02T14:37:00.000-08:00

Signed up for another half marathon in February. The Surf City Half Marathon on Super Bowl Sunday. This year's goal is to really finish it without any stopping or walking. Run the entire race, injury-free. THAT IS MY GOAL.

First day of training today - easy 30 minutes run. Warmed up for a good 10 minutes leading up to it. Kept it at 12 min/mile pace, slowing down a little towards the end at some inclines. It was pretty tiring!

Today, right hip flexor is struggling, so is my lower back. One of those days. but I still ran. Feels worse when i'm sitting. Once again, WE ARE NOT MADE TO BE SITTING ALL DAY IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER. We are supposed to be moving.

More specific training plans to come. I have some serious conditioning regimes to follow in addition to the running plans. This I know will keep me from being injured again and again and again...

Also contemplating on a Full Aquabike race in July 2010, basically it's a full Ironman triathlon race without the full Marathon - 2.4 mile swim and 112 mile bike. It should be a great prelude to a full ironman the following year. I know it's weird, but this stuff excites me, I have something to look forward to and work hard for!!!

God bless*

Bike Accident, and Malibu Triathlon – my attitude killed my joy, and I paid for it!

2009-09-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written in a while – not only have I been busy with work since the end of my first half ironman, but a lot has happened and I have been trying to make sense out of it. I think I can finally look back and make sense out of all that has been happening as I organize my head.
First, shortly after the exhilarating high of the half ironman race, I started feeling a little down and got extremely bored of the day to day life – it was as if I didn’t know what to do with myself now that everything I’ve worked for all year was over and done with. Still, I wanted to maintain my fitness level by continuing to do weekend rides and ocean swims, etc… then about month ago something happened that shattered what was left of my desire to keep up with my training.

I was riding north going to meet my friend on the Pacific Coast Highway, near Zuma beach. This was mid August. There was construction in that area, which I was not aware of – neither were there any signs up saying there was a re-pavement construction going on….all of a sudden I find myself riding on a seriously ripped up bike lane – bumps and cracks everywhere, and I can feel the bumps and gyration in my arms…there were several more people on the road, and especially this one woman ahead of me, maneuvered pretty well through the bumps that I just kept focusing on following the path she went on to avoid falling into the cracks. I was getting pretty scared and tired of all the shaking, and the moment I let go of my alert and wanted to just stop, that is when my wheel got caught between the cracks and then…from what I can remember, I felt myself float into the air, rotating, along with the bike (my feet attached to the clips, so my bike and I were one, good or bad), then falling straight on to the ground, with a big thump on my head. The minute I fell, I looked around to see where I was – I fell into the middle of the road (survival alert!). I looked around to see if there was a car coming my way, and yes, there was..(note, PCH speed limit: 50, which means people go at least 55 mph)…a big black Mercedes…I started dragging myself (still attached to the bike) back on the bike lane…on my butt (bike still attached to my feet), I almost remember literally bouncing off my butt into the bike lane…how did I do that? Anyway, I was watching that big black Mercedes slow down right in front of me as I was doing all this…thank God, really, the driver was able to slow down. He pulled over and came out of his car to check if I was ok. I thanked him profusely for being able to slow down. What you will read will surprise you – he said that he was able to stop only because he was already slowing down to watch another person fall on the other side of the road! There were at least 4 accidents that day that I witnessed, and there were about 20 in total as reported. Fortunately my friend found me and he drove me to the ER and I got a CT scan on my head and xray on my right shoulder – everything was fine. I was so thankful for being alive and not having any serious damage.

On the other hand, my emotional side was not doing so well. For weeks I couldn’t get rid of the visual of the black car coming towards me that could have killed me. I avoided getting on the bike for weeks, and my desire to train and continue on with my efforts pretty much went to zero, from what was already at low levels. My right shoulder was tight and my right hip was definitely not doing very well. Head and neck pain came and went for weeks. All these things gave me great excuses to build on my already withering eagerness and passion for the one thing that has been keeping me alive – my training.

It was the end of August soon and then came the first week of September, and I had the Malibu Sprint Triathlon just around the corner on 9/13. I’d maybe gone on two ocean swims and done a few short runs. Maybe I got on the bike trainer once. But most of the days I was either nursing my tight injured areas or just doing pilates or yoga to loosen up my joints. I didn’t want to train, and I definitely did not want to do this upcoming Sprint race. I just didn’t want to do it. But I also knew deep inside that I had to do it, especially because it was a fundraiser for the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles.

Race day morming comes around, I'm still bitter that I had to get up at 430am for a short race. I mean, I was setting myself up for a bad race. If it hadn't been for Detra who carpooled with me and my other friends that met me there, there was NO WAY i would have even gotten up on time. It didn't help that when we got there there was already massive traffic and it was nearly impossible to park to get to the transition site on time to set up for the race. We parked alongside the road and just biked to the race site.

Long story short, I had one of the most unhappy races in the 5 years of my triathlon experience. I was sluggish from beginning to end, and I really did not feel much joy except for when I got out of the ocean. I had all the reasons to be proud of the fact that I survived the swim in Zuma beach, since I had been putting off doing the Malibu Triathlon all these years for the exact reason that I was too scared to face the unpredictable waves there. I killed it and I did well! But no, i didn't even think about it, all i thought about was that I wasn't up for doing this race.

With that attitude, even recovery was bad. I was sore all over for days, after a sprint! I recovered nicely after a half ironman not too long ago, granted I was very well trained that time, but still I do think my whole bitter attitude delayed my recovery.

What have i become? I started wondering why I was not feeling the usual joy - I understand, the accident shook me up a little and I was coming down from an immense high of completing a half ironman, but mang, I was just the biggest sour patch!

Now as I look back, I am realizing that I got spoiled. I lost my gratitude. I forgot WHY I was racing. I forgot that even two years ago I was not able to race without training diligently for it no matter how short of a race it was - now i'm at a fitness level where I can still race (albeit poorly) without much training and recover decently without severe consequences. I have dozens of reasons to be grateful for and continue to race with a smile no matter what! I became arrogant and foolish, and I apologize to those who cannot race because of the pain, that i have momentarily forgotten you. I let this whole half ironman experience and the accident get to my head.

I vow never to have such a sour attitude when it comes to training and racing! I mean, I love this stuff!!!!!

I definitely learned my lesson. In triathlons and in life, we walk into situations where we just don't feel like doing things, no matter how important they are to us. We can easily find excuses that back up our negative feelings about them too. So we allow ourselves to forget what got us there, what made us who we are, and most importantly where we are going. I almost let myself let go of everything i've worked for just because I got into a bad accident. I took my time getting over it, and gave myself every excuse in the book to delay a rebound. Eventually I even didn't want to do the race that brought me the joy and recovery of my health for the past 5 years. Once we lose our gratitude, excitement and the vision to go forward, we lose sight of the big picture and then..we get lost. Being positive is most of the time a choice we have to make and renew every day. It just doesn't come naturally all the time. However, it is that positive attitude and fortitute to move forward is what drives us to be better, live better and laugh a little more, so we have to choose to be positive and happy. Happiness is a choice.

Let's keep our joy alive by renewing our positive attitude every day.

Recovering, Resting...and Working

2009-08-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

Not much to report since the race... I've recovered fairly well, actually let me not be ungrateful here, I've recovered miraculously well, been doing yoga, pilates, some mountain bike rides, some walks here and there, some ocean swims...and as it is the busy season at work, been working like crazy. The long hours of working have been bit of a burden on me, as sitting still for prolonged hours are stiffening up my hips beyond what my pain levels can tolerate. But work is work and I have to manage.

Seriously, on the recovery part...except for the day after the race, overall fatigue level was minimal. It was a shocking experience but of course an AWESOME feeling - hip pain was bearable the day or two after the race, but it actually got pretty bad for several days after that. I have no idea why that is, but I supposed it's a part of delayed muscle fatigue after an event like that. Just managed with a lot of self-massaging and conditioning exercises.

Here's what i think helped me recover pretty well after the race:
1. Nutrition/fueling DURING the race - my fueling during the race was like clock work, every hour for clif bars, trail mix bars, clif bloks, gels, etc..., and I drank Perpetuum as my drink supplement (Hammer Nutrition makes these - basically a meal supplement energy drink mix...amazing stuff). All this not only helped me get thru the race but I am sure it contributed a lot to faster muscle recovery

2. Recoverite right after the race - i packed double servings of Recoverite (also from Hammer, no i'm not sponsored by them) to drink after the race. I found this extremely effective over Endurox or Accelerate and other recovery drinks out there. Trust me, i've tried pretty much everything. It has Glutamine in it, which speeds up muscle recovery.

3. Eating a lot of protein and fats after the race. Protein for muscle recovery, and fats (good fats, like almonds, avocado, etc) for minimizing inflammation. And they also taste great after a race (well, anything does).

4. Icing/ cold water and hot tub: i went back and forth between the pool and the hot tub at the hotel when i got back from the race site. Reduce inflammation (cold) and increase blood flow (hot). I also iced my hips in the middle of the night (cuz it was hurting, but i didn't ignore it!)

5. Next day - continue to eat lean protein, fats and a good portion of carbohydrates. drink a ton of water to flush out the toxins.

6. Keep moving - while no specific exercise is necessary, i made sure i wasn't sitting or lying still - i kept moving around, walking, etc to keep my muscles moving. You can't stay still and stiffen up your muscles all of a sudden after an intense race like that, it would be too sudden of a halt for your muscles!

7. Enjoy the victory! Smile, be happy, really revisit the race and the amazing experience and live off that high! Share your story with others and multiply the joy!

after two weeks of mellowing out on the training, I think i'm sort of back to wanting to train again...nothing intense, just for a sprint race coming up in 3 weeks in Malibu. It's for a great cause, raising money for the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles.

Time to go back to work! Lots to do....

Photos from Half Ironman

2009-08-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

Pre-race events photos:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=132060&id=678347111&l=cd27050a07

Race Day photos:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=132592&id=678347111&l=75b0eed7a7

Enjoy!

I am officially a Half-Ironman finisher

2009-08-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

8/1/2009. Barb’s Race – 1.2 mile Swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile Run. My first attempt at becoming a Half Ironman. Sonoma, CA.

Alarm goes off at 505 am. Wondering if I slept or been up all night or if I have been dreaming. I feel ok. I feel rested. However, I do remember debating all night…can I do this? What if I panic in the water? What if I could say I’m not feeling up to it and just not do it? But all my friends are here for me, to cheer me on…I can’t betray them! How am I going to run a half marathon after riding 56 miles? Can I really swim 1.2 miles? What was I thinking when I signed up for this race? Was my training enough? Bla bla bla on and on and on… then at some point I told myself, I’m here for a reason. I’ve made it thus far. I can’t think of the entire race right now. I just need to swim when I’m swimming, then bike when I’m biking and run or walk when I’m running. I needed to stop driving myself crazy. The last I remember was telling myself I will do this, no matter what. Then I probably slept for real.

645am arrive at race site.

It is cold! Like 51 degrees cold, and a bit misty too. At least it’s not blazing hot first thing in the morning (trying to think positively). Detra and I finally see the rest of the gang – Shirley, Lilian and Jon – as we walk into the transition area, alongside the river where the swim part was to take place. We realized that the full ironman waves have already started (since 630am!), and basically us Barb’s race participants were the last two waves of the combined events. As I set up my transition area putting all my bike stuff together in order and put on my tight as heck wetsuit, Shirley, Detra and Lilian all showed up to cheer me up before the race. I have to say, all my nerves and excitement, as well as my gratitude for their support all welled up into a big ball of…tears and I hugged them as I thanked them for being there with me and getting on the course as a relay team to keep their caring eyes on me throughout. Let me tell you, I could not have gotten to the start line without these girls (and Jon, who was holding the “Club Minnie” sign and videotaping us the whole time)

815am – line up at the swim start, an in-water start

The gun goes off, my mind is empty. I just start. I have about an hour of swim ahead of me, so I really couldn’t afford to waste my energy worrying about stuff. Instead, I filled my head with random songs, the Lord’s Prayer (if you repeat that like a 100 times, you’re done), happy thoughts, pretending I was training, pretending the people grabbing my ankle and hitting on my face weren’t there, I wasn’t even thinking about where the turnaround point was, I was just going, stroke after stroke, completely mindless. No panic attacks (usually happens in the first 10 minutes of pretty much every swim, every race), no nothing…just swim. The only thing that kinda bugged me was that the goggles were fogging up a lot, but because there were so many buoys along the course to sight through the foggy goggles it didn’t bother me as much. Or I was forcing myself not to be disturbed by it.

After a while, finally I see two red gigantic triangular buoys where people were turning around. As I got closer, I could vividly see the bottom of the river, making it nearly impossible to keep swimming without scraping the ground and digging up rocks. I got up and started walking (water is only up to my knees), with a smirk on my face and also saw other swimmers doing the same thing. It was then I actually cleaned out my goggles and as the river started getting deep again I started swimming – woo hoo less than half to go!!!!!

At some point, I was swimming against stream, which made me a bit tired and stressed out. I didn’t feel like I was making any progress! Ugh, ok I can’t let this get to my head, I kept going….and next thing you know I saw the finish arch from not too far away, which got me excited as heck. I was wondering how long it has been taking me. I wanted to look at my watch but it was too murky in the water to read anything. I just kept swimming until I reached the bottom again and I was 5 feet away from the swim out area…I emerged out of the water the first thing I saw was Shirley, who was out of the water about 10 minutes ahead of me, and Jon and Lilian…friendly faces…and then heard their voices… looked at my watch, 52 minutes and change…STOKED!!!! A smile on my face, greeted by volunteers that were there to help me strip out of my sausage case, I mean, my wetsuit… free at last! I run to my bike and I’m ready for my next stage…

Bike – 56 miles

One thing I did differently this year was deciding not to track my mileage but only focus on my speed and cadence. I didn’t want to count every mile I was going because I didn’t want to drain my mind with the stress of how much longer I needed to go.

To make a long ride short (not literally although that would be nice), all I can say is lots of rolling hills, a couple of challenging climbs, and strong headwinds. I mean, what’s so interesting about this course was that it was magically set up so that every turn would pick up the wind right in front me, AGAINST me. This was a rare moment I was grateful for my weight that allowed me to keep riding against the wind without being blown around! At around mile 40, after a rather challenging climb, I started getting pretty bored of riding and dealing with the ups and downs of the hills and hence the frequent shifting. Several memorable moments, tho – around mile 8, I had two chain pops on an incline which may have slowed me down a little bit, but it was just annoying to deal with because…well because, it’s something that you don’t want to deal with during a race. I was chugging along a little disturbed and irritated after having to deal with that, until I saw something rather unusual about 20 feet in front of me. As I was approaching closer to that *something* I started realizing that it was another female cyclist struggling to go up the hill…as I got even closer my jaw dropped. This woman was pedaling with one leg, and as the hill got steeper, her body was shifting side to side and front to back more frequently to help her balance, as she was putting all her might to keep her cadence going before falling off the tip of the climb. My complaining mouth just had to be shut, and I went close to her to tell her how much I respected her endeavor – she smiled and said “have a great day!” I thanked her and I was able to get on the road with a renewed attitude. I felt like a selfish little kid for having been annoyed by a small chain problem. I was so over that at that point. God’s little reminder to focus on what’s important. I was out there in wine country, doing a half ironman, keep smiling!!!!!

The last 5 miles, as short as they were, felt a lot longer…most of it was flat and I really wanted to zoom through it all, but I wanted to conserve my energy and legs for the run. I thought it took me longer than 4 hours which kinda bummed me out, but I just saw in the official timing that it was 3 hours and 56 minutes. J a mere 4 minutes, but it makes me happy to have met my goal of 4 hours.

Run – 13.1 miles. It all started with a full-body spray of sunscreen.

The minute I entered the transition area, I heard familiar voices that brightened up my soul – Detra, Shirley and Jon were screaming my name and had a big sign with my name on it (and also a photo of me in an 80’s aerobics costume from last year’s Bay to Breakers). I had a big laugh while I moved on to my transition area…I saw Lilian, who guided me to where my run gear was as I felt completely lost in the middle of thousands of bikes. While I was putting on my running shoes and taking off all the bike gear, she sprayed sunscreen over me, from head to… I guess ankles since my toes were covered. Lilian had been waiting for me to get off my bike so that we could be on the course together, although Detra, who did the bike part of the relay, had come in over 30 minutes ahead of me. My friends, my angels…without them I wouldn’t have been able to get through this. I felt blessed throughout the race…and I needed to continue with the run, which I knew would be the most challenging part of it all.

Surprisingly when I started running I didn’t feel as bad as I used to during my brick training sessions – I could actually run for a change instead of limping right off the bike. I stuck with my original plan of 8 minute run / 2 minute walk intervals. The first 2- 3 miles were doable, and Lilian’s company made the run even somewhat enjoyable. As I was chatting and running with her, I caught something in the corner of my eye – a sign that says “Minnie You can do it”…and then I saw Shirley and Jon heading our way, apparently coming back from posting more signs. Gosh, seeing my friends over the course just made me so happy, made the long grueling race so much easier. Their smiling faces, their words of encouragement…sometimes all you need are those two things to get through a tough time. I was the happiest participant in the race.

Lilian and I kept going, she graciously slowed herself down to stay with my slow and sluggish pace. We were cracking jokes, encouraging other runners to keep going, enjoying the scenery and the occasional aroma of horse manure.

Starting around mile 5, what was very familiar but forgotten for a split second reared its ugly head – yes, my hip flexor pain! Took 3 advils out of my race belt and just kept going. Shortly thereafter, my already pretty slow run started getting slower, and some of the smiles were turning into cringes. I told Lilian that my pain was getting worse, and that we needed to slow down. She was very understanding, she still managed to slow down even more (if that was possible) for me. As we progressed regardless (slow and steady wins the race! Well in this case finishes the race), the pain got worse. As much as I asked Lilian to run at her speed ahead of me so that she could get a good run, I was so relieved that she was next to me at that moment. At the start of our second loop (around mile 9) a thought struck me, that I might not be able to get through this, as the left hip, both front and back, felt like they were being paralyzed. I could feel my arms and jaw shaking from the struggle, which caught me off guard. Suddenly I heard Lilian almost whispering at me, “Minnie you can do this, what can I get you” to which I answered, “I know…I don’t know, I’m just in a lot of pain.” Lilian then offered to run to the next aid station, about a quarter of a mile away, to find some advil – me, being someone never to accept people’s favor in situations like this caved in like a sick puppy and nodded “ok, ok” – I figured she could get her fast run in, at least.

As I was waiting for her return with all the goodies from the aid station, I kept going. Run, limp, skip, walk, whatever form it took me to move forward…I knew that in order to finish this race I had to slow down, despite my eagerness to go as fast as I could. I walked, stretching my hips as much as I could every stride. I also realized that there wasn’t too much left to finish, that I could do this. The 8 minute run/2 minute walk interval was already turning into like a 4 minute form of run but really walk speed/5 minute explicit walk. Egh. Lilian came back with cups filled with ice and 4 aspirins. I poured the ice into my tri shorts to numb the hip, and took 3 of the 4 aspirins. We kept going with the whatever intervals I could muster up, until we hit the last 2 mile mark, where we did our last turnaround. I almost kissed the dang sign.

I wanted to save my last running strength for the finish line (photo opp), I wasn’t sure at what point I could start running again, but I just kept going slow, walking more but as fast as I could. The downhills were excruciating, and the only humor left in the race was the slushy sound of ice in my shorts, of which some pieces ended up in some undesirable places which led me to occasional moments of shock, but definitely a welcome distraction from the hip pain. I realized, there was no way I could finish this race had Lilian not been on the course with me, the length of time to endure required for this race was way longer than what I had experienced before. And I knew that my friends were anxiously waiting for me at the finish line…I just wanted to get there as fast as I could, so that we could all stop waiting and start celebrating.

About 50 yards or so ahead of me, I saw the last curb that would eventually turn into the finish line area, I could hear the crowd more clearly, and I knew I had to just bite my tongue and dash towards the finish line – I think I whispered to Lilian that this is when we really run, and we both picked up speed, and I could hear her saying how great I was doing, and that we got this. My hands were shaking, my entire body was trembling, I was excited and relieved and shocked all at the same time that the moment was approaching. As I gathered my hands together before me and prayed for a final surge of strength, I started sprinting. Tears came out of nowhere, I felt the wind blowing in my face, which meant I was actually running – I heard the announcer mentioning my name, along with Lilian’s name…and we crossed the finish line side by side. We hugged, we were in awe, I was balling, Lilian was smiling, and we celebrated the moment with a joyful hug. I couldn’t believe myself. Despite the pain, I didn’t feel as tired as I did in other shorter races. I was elated. I was so amazed at how this day unfolded. Lilian and I both started looking for the rest of the gang – where are they? I couldn’t wait to see them and share the joy. It turned out that they thought we’d cross the finish later than we did… the run/walk lasted 3 hours and 15 minutes. Ah, that was a long time, but that was what was required to finish, whatever it took…

Finally, we saw our friends and we all celebrated the happy finish! I was officially on the course for 8 hours and 12 minutes. I had hoped that I’d be happy to be done in 8 hours and 30 minutes, assuming that I wouldn’t be able to run most of the time – so I was very grateful for my timing. Can I do better? Of course! Will that be next time? Heck yeah! I learned now that I could do this. I can do a half ironman – a distance I never thought I could attempt even two years ago. I would rather be the slowest person in a race than to quit out of fear or shame of being too slow.

Post-race recovery and thoughts

It’s been three days since the race. I’m still so grateful and thrilled I was able to cross that finish line…yet now my body has started feeling some of the inevitable pain as a result of such a physical exertion. However, I am feeling a massive amount of pride behind the pain, and I know that as long as I take care of it properly they will heal.

I have never prepared harder and more diligently for a race before, in my recollection. This was my first year of swimming more than 1500 meters (in fact, double that) and riding more than 50 miles during training. These were distances I used to think I could never break through without aggravating my pain threshold. This year, I knew I had to train these distances in order to do a half ironman race, and I slowly built up to it and I believed in my heart that it was doable as long as I managed it well. And guess what, it worked and I was able to survive the swim and bike portions of the race relatively pain-free – an unprecedented yet welcomed phenomenon. The mind is an interesting thing – when it tells us we can’t do something, we won’t be able to do them. But the minute the mind tells us even MAYBE we could, we get that much closer, and we can eventually do it as long as we keep pushing ourselves and reminding ourselves we can.

Training was one thing. But I am most grateful for my friends who took their time and resources to be on the course with me and cheer me on all the way through. Without them, I wouldn’t have gotten my foot out the hotel room race day morning, and I definitely wouldn’t have been able to go through the run without having some kind of mental breakdown. A smiling face, one word of encouragement, and knowing that I am so blessed with amazing people in my life, and that they were out there waiting for me no matter how long it takes… is what kept me going.

None of this was done on my own. I thank the numerous people I met through months of training, who taught me a thing or two on how to keep going and reminded me to never give up. Thanks for pushing me to get through the tough hill rides, thanks for being there in the ocean calming me down when I was in panic, thank you for reminding me how far I’ve come every time I felt overwhelmed with what was coming. I thank those who have been sending me words of support throughout, through my blog, through emails, through facebook, through twitter…help and support is all around. Sometimes we may be traveling on the road alone, but we should all remember that we are never really alone in the grand scheme of things. There is always someone wishing you the best, near or far.

And lastly, as corny as this may sound - Thank you God for adding purpose to my races.

Pre-race Prep

2009-07-31T17:19:00.000-07:00

Just had a pre-race prep session - practice swim (see photo), bike warm up, and then packet pickup and full registration (see other photo, I'm officially on the list).

There was a pre-race meeting to go over the key points of the race, I am not sure if that was a wise move or not because it made me extra nervous. But my friend Detra was with me and she encouraged me the entire time that I would have no problem finishing this race... Thank you Detra!

Rest of the day will be eat, relax and meditate...and give thanks for this amazing opportunity.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

All the hard work is done, Race Day is 5 days away

2009-07-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

As of yesterday, I closed the books on all the hard training required for the half ironman. One week left...and this Saturday I will be on the Barb's Race course in Sonoma, California.

Saturday I did a 3 hour ride along the Pacific Coast Highway, doing about 38 miles in total. There were several tough hills, but all in all it was pretty manageable. Then I met a colleague of mine, as she was starting out with her new pair of clip-ons (those pedals that you attach your bike shoes to in order to enhance speed and control, kind of tricky to get used to in the beginning) and rode with her for about 45 minutes to help her get used to stopping and starting on the road with those annoying clips. I remember how tough of a time I had when I was starting out on my new road bike and those trecherous clip-on pedals, I couldn't help but lend a hand to someone who was just starting out and feared going out on the streets because of them. It was fun and hopefully she feels better on the street now.

On Sunday I met up with the LA Tri Club members to do an ocean swim in the Marina. Detra and I had a great swim for 40 minutes in the ocean, getting ourselves more comfortable swimming in open water. The water was a bit choppier than last time, but it was nothing compared to Strawberry Fields. It was a pleasant challenge, a bit of a drag getting out of the water because of the opposite current, but I felt great.

Pretty much the Sunday swim was the last real training before the race. I had a good wrap-up weekend that made me feel quite ready for the race. I'm nervous as heck, have no idea how I'm going to run 13 miles after the 56 mile bike ride, but I guess I will have to manage when i get there! :) I have done as much as I could, I have really stretched my previous limits and done more than I could ever think of. There is of course so much more i could have done, but I can't think about that right now. I've made a lot of progress, and most importantly, I'm not injured and i am not too fatigued.

I also slept 9 hours Sunday night! Sleep is sooooooooo important especially when you're training a lot, i'm sure i've said this over 30 times by now. Did I also say that solving the sleep problem solves at least 50% of fibromyalgia pain issues? Sleep people, sleep! take some Total Sleep and sleep!

This week is going to be all very short sessions - tomorrow I will swim for 40 minutes and then run 30 minutes. Wednesday I will swim 30 minutes. Thursday is Rest, and Friday is going to be 10 minute run, 10 minute bike and 10 minute swim. SATURDAY - RACE DAY. As simple as that.

I am constantly meditating, praying and centering my thoughts to stay positive and optimistic. There is nothing to fear, really, I just have to pace myself and do what i can to finish, even if it takes me a long walk for hours to get through the run course. I know that my friends will be there with me to cheer me on, and I will pray the entire time I'm on the course. I know that this is not my doing, and at the end it is a higher power that will get me through the finish line. I have always felt it in every tough race, when I was about to give up, when I thought I had no more to push forth with, there was always that something extra that carried me through the final obstacles. I will think of all of the people in my life that have touched me and motivated me to take on this journey. I can do this, thanks to the great people i have had the honor to get to know, albeit just simple comments on my blog or emails back and forth.

Thank you everyone for giving me the energy and strength and the motivation to keep on. It is in my times of weakness that I have seen my strength come through, and that comes from a place outside of me. I know it, and I learn it over and over....

God bless!

Strawberry Fields Sprint Triathlon and the Ride back from Oxnard...on bike

2009-07-23T15:26:00.000-07:00

7/19 - Strawberry Fields Sprint Triathlon.

Up at 345am, get dressed, have breakfast (or something like that), make sure everything is packed (i packed up pretty much everything into the car the night before - u NEVER want to pack for a race on the morning of!), mentally prep for myself for the day and pray for a quick moment.

Pick up Detra at 435am, load up her bike and stuff.

Pick up Shirley and Jon at 5am.

Arrive at Oxnard Beach Park at 6am.

Race start - first wave at 700am. My wave starts at 730am, Shirley's wave started at 708am so we went out to the ocean early on to send her off.

I spent about 15 minutes in the water while waiting for my wave to start - the water was freezing cold, the water was pretty choppy. I was so glad that Shirley and I went for a practice swim the day before, when it was even choppier. Very nerve-wracking, but I knew I could do it as long as I kept my heart rate down and just went slowly at my pace.

Finally, time for my wave to start. I didn't even use my legs. I just pulled with my arms, which saved me a lot of energy and oxygen (hence keeping the heartrate down). I felt a lot of people passing me (kicking, punching, swimming over me, you name it), but I didn't get shaken up by that. I just kept going, pretending I was in the ocean by myself. I had moments of panic, but they were temporary. I knew I could do this, it was only 400 meters. The water was cold and the waves came and hit me several times, but i just kept going, not thinking too much about anything, just telling myself that this was totally doable. I swam really really slow, as I knew that was the only way I could get through this very cold water swim. I got out finally, i looked at my watch, it took me 18 minutes. I was ok with that, just happy to get out of the water without a panic attack. Yeah, i'm on land!!!!

Bike and Run - short 12 mile bike, mostly flat. Uneventful, except that my inner thighs and hip flexors felt so awfully tight. I did my best. Then the Run (3 miles) - forget it, my legs and hips were so tightened up that I could barely lift my legs. I felt quite scared when I saw this happening, because the first thing that went through my mind was "geez, how am I going to do a half ironman if i can't even do a sprint???" Oh well, what do you do, you just do what you can. I finish, 1 hour and 48 minutes total time. that was a sloooooooow race, but I was glad I got some practice racing in.

The race was not even the big event (except for surviving the ocean swim, yey, pat on my back) - Detra and I planned on riding back to Santa Monica from Oxnard on our bikes after the race. That is about a 58 mile ride. I figured, might as well try. By the time we left the race site, it was 1035 am. Already starting to get hot.

A couple of tricky turns on to the Pacific Coast Highway from Oxnard, but after that it was just a straight up ride for EVER... several rolling climbs that sucked the energy out of me, but the challenge was not even those hills, really. First, it started getting super hot around noon. Second, Detra got a flat tire that took forever to fix (45 minutes?)...so it got even hotter as our ride got delayed. I was hungry, we never stopped for real food (just kept eating trail mix bars and gels...don't want to see them for another year). I think there was sand left in my tri shorts so i was very VERY uncomfortable sitting for hours....ouchhhhh, and my legs and feet started swelling up (i think it was from the cold water (bad circulation) and then getting really hot???) and it was making my bike shoes feel like torture contraptions...totally feeling miserable. To top it off, because of the hot weather, the PCH was so crowded with cars (PCH goes along the beach) and there was also some accident at some point, where cars were mean and deadly to cyclists... then my front tire got gum on it which collected debris every 20 seconds which i had to scrap off... ha ha i usually don't get so dramatic but mang this ride was one thing after another. I was so tired both physically and mentally.

At mile 42 (Big Rock/PCH) I was done. Sooooooo done. At that point i had stopped like 5 times in 10 minutes to scrap off the debris that stupid gum kept collecting (it just wouldn't go away or dry up!) I called Shirley to come get me (they had my car, already back in Santa Monica all showered up and full from REAL food), which she so kindly did in the crazy traffic. I felt bad but I was also so tired. I also held Detra back a little bit but i think she was done riding too. so all in all I did a pretty brave and tiring ride attempting to ride back from Oxnard, partially failed. I was still happy with it though, because I did the ride after racing, which not many people think of doing. I guess i've become one of those crazy people that think racing is not enough activity for the day. Well, I needed a long and challenging ride, and I definitely got one. One thing to note though, was that I did finish all the main rollers along the PCH...the point i stopped was basically all flat afterwards.

This morning, I was on the bike at a higher (more difficult) gear but I was doing pretty well, and my run wasn't so bad! Maybe the struggles from that day made me stronger. :) At least it was a relief that I could run 2 hours decently well after a 30 minute spin on the bike. If it were like last Sunday, there was no way I could have done what i did this morning. I think the cold water really stiffened me up that day, i don't think I will have that problem on race day (8/1) in Sonoma, as it is over 90 degrees out there right now. I do have to worry about hydration, on the other hand.

Anyway, I had to document this very interesting experience of racing then having a miserable bike ride back - i have never done such a thing, I don't regret it, I just need to be better prepped next time (i.e., stop to eat real food, leave early from race site instead of hanging around afterwards).

But regardless of what happened - thanks Detra, Shirley and Jon for a great, memorable day of fun (yes, it was still fun I suppose)!

Up at 415am

2009-07-23T04:26:00.000-07:00

Up early to do a 2.5 hour brick (30 min bike + 2 hour run) before going into work.

If I were doing this for myself, I don't think I could get up this early! Thankful for a purpose greater than myself.

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Ocean Swimming Tips - things to remember when you're about to freak out

2009-07-16T13:16:00.001-07:00

Feel fast and efficient in the pool? Feel confident in your swimming, in the pool? Have limited open water swim experience? That's me. When I was about 9 years old, my oldest brother and I nearly drowned in the Hawaiian ocean to death. All I remember is the part where both struggled as we drowned...and then waking up to the sight of many heads looking at me asking "are you ok???" As odd as it sounds, I didn't even have that memory until I started practicing open water swim in the ocean about 4 years ago. Nowadays, i have to tell myself not to think about that day whenever I'm going ocean swimming. I want to overcome this fear so badly.

So, although I've done several ocean swim races, as you read from yesterday's blog I totally lost control and freaked out in the water, tempting me to quit the swim and get rescued out by someone. It was embarrassing. I recovered my dignity by swimming again and doing another loop out in the ocean, but I was shocked myself as to how I ended up getting so paranoid.

I've put together some key ocean swimming tips, not just for the readers but as a reminder to myself as well.

1. Warm up before you go in the water and spend as much time in the water before swim start - important for your body to be warmed up for the main swim. It usually takes longer for me to warm up and get acclimated to the water temperature. Start early.

2. One stroke at a time - the scope of the ocean can be overwhelming, causing the thought of finishing a full mile undoable, even if you've done 3 miles during training. Always remember - it is each stroke after stroke that will get you closer. don't look too far ahead. Just keep going, focus on your stroke.

3. Every 5-8 strokes, lift your head and to make sure you stay in line with where you're going. When I get nervous, I will swim while sticking my head out constantly to see where i'm going. That makes me super nervous because all I'm doing is reminding myself how far the swim is. Swim as usual, except periodically checking to see if you're still heading towards the mark. When you're not lifting your head to see, just swim as normal. Pretend you're in the pool with less visibility and no black line on the bottom.

4. Breathe deep, Exhale loooooong - especially in the beginning, even if it slows you down. It will stabilize your heart rate and prevent you from hyperventilating.

5. Think about happy/comforting things while swimming. Distract yourself from the constant push and pull from other swimmers and the daunting task of finishing the swim. Keep the rhythm of your strokes consistent, think about your friends, what you're going to do after the race, chant something, sing, pray, etc...do whatever you can to keep you distracted yet calm.

6. Minimize kicking. Until you're about to finish the swim (at which point you start kicking to get the blood flowing in your legs in prep for the run out of the swim and then bike), minimize kicking. This will save your legs and also help you exert less energy and help ease the heartrate as your body will need less oxygen the less kicking you do. It may slow you down just a tad bit, but if you're priority is to finish a race vs. winning and you will need a lot more energy for later, try to manage that during the swim by minimizing leg usage. This definitely helped me stay calmer in the water.

7. You can do this! You're not going to drown, nothing is wrong, you can totally do this!!! if you're too scared and you start overly hyperventilating, flip over and lie on your back...you will float as long as you're in your wetsuit. catch your breath, and then repeat 1-6. I can do this! You can do this - stop worrying, keep going.

and lastly - practice makes perfect. Keep doing these ocean swims, don't sporadically show up to ocean swim sessions right before a race. This is definitely one of the biggest mistakes I made. I am going to be a regular at the Wednesday Ocean Swim Speed Circuit with the LA Tri Club! Yeah!

Triathlon is a Team Sport!

2009-07-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

** I dedicate this blog post to my dear friend Shirley**

Today I benefited from amazing kindness and generosity from a dear friend of mine. She has been for many years my triathlon race mate and everything beyond.

I went to a LA Tri Club group ocean swim session this morning. My dear friend was there, when I least expected her! She said that she had to get a new wetsuit because of a tear so she wanted to test it out. We started together, and we swam through the first 50 yards or so...until I started hyperventilating. At some point I thought I was going to have a heart attack as my chest tightened up, and it completely discouraged me from going forward. She realized that I was falling behind, so she came back to check up on me. She helped me regain my breathing, relax and waited until I could continue swimming again. Thanks to her, I was able to stop myself from doubting. She stopped every time i stopped, she kept encouraging me and making me feel at ease. I realized that I may have started way too fast, gave myself too little time to get used to the cold water (which revvs up my heart rate). I wanted to get out of the water and quit altogether, but i knew that was not an option, because in order to get out of the water i would have to keep swimming anyway.

Finally, on the first loop back to the shore, I didn't have to stop as I was able to breathe long and steady, and I kept my strokes more under control (i.e., not flying arms). My friend never stopped checking up on me. I was so grateful. I got so psyched up that we managed to do another loop out and back!

I realized, triathlons, despite having its very individual nature, can be a team sport when it comes to training. So far I have had the help of so many people cycling with me and swimming with me, keeping me motivated and strong. Without my friend today who stood by me the entire time, I would have never finished my ocean swim. And because of today's successful swim I will be able to keep going forward. Had I quit today, I would have lost the courage to go back to the ocean because of this single incident.

Sometimes we panic. Sometimes we feel helpless. In those times, we have our loved ones around us - don't be afraid to reach out, as they are kind and loving enough to help you through when you are struggling. I am so grateful for what happened today - it really put in perspective how my efforts are really not just my own - i have become who i am because of the people in my life who have been there for me. Even some of the readers have given me amazing advice and encouragement to keep going when I thought I had to stop because of my prolonged injuries. Thank you all. I cannot boast about what i can do - because it does not just come from me. Without the people around me, I would be nowhere right now.

I am thankful for the team (friends, training buddies and my blog readers) in my triathlon life! You are all a part of Minnie's team! Thank you!!!!

Details of the Encinal Canyon Climb

2009-07-13T16:28:00.000-07:00

Just checked mapmyride.com -

9 miles of climing, gained 2000 ft of elevation. Mostly 4-6% inclines, while some reaching 8%!

Total ride that day was 22 miles. Definitely wayyyy short of the 60 I targeted, but my unplanned early climb up to the canyon sucked the wind out of me and I knew i had to cut back. Had i done a longer warm up/flat ride, I could have done 40-45 miles. With climbs like this, it's hard to sustain a long ride especially without a good warm up.

Doing a long flat ride this weekend, from Oxnard back to Playa, after doing a sprint triathlon to practice my ocean swim and transition.

Milestones

2009-07-13T15:29:00.000-07:00

I achieved two milestones this weekend -

1 - first long climb up Encinal Canyon. I have to check the actual mileage, but I managed to climb up a long incline up one of the canyon roads in Malibu. It was challenging to say the least and there were times I wanted to just call for a cab. But my riding buddies helped me through. Felt very fatigued for the rest of the day but I didn't experience any flareups. I just drank a lot of water and ate a lot of protein and healthy carbs to recovery better. It was hard, painful, grueling...but I think if I repeated the climb every other week I will be a stronger rider.

2 - first ocean swim of the year. Finally! I tackled my biggest fear yet again...managed to muster up the courage to jump into the ocean and spend some time there. Nothing strenuous, an easy 900 - 1000 meter in the ocean, going back and forth from shore to buoy. Having friends to accompany you helps! My friend Detra swam with me the entire time, we stopped in the middle if we had to, just hanging out and encouraging each other. Felt great.

This whole process of training for a big race is really overcoming my own doubts and obstacles. Nothing is ever easy, especially if it is something new and challenging. We tend to freak out and react strongly to the things we are not familiar with. And we easily give up as we hit a wall - but the true test comes when we hit that wall - are we going to go over it, or are we going to turn back and never look forward again? Who do we have around us that can support us? I am so grateful for the people I have come across in my life lately. They are all amazingly positive, kind and encouraging people. I wouldn't gotten through certain periods of my training without these people. Carol, Karen, Shirley, Detra, Jef, Susan, Lilian, Jon....thank you friends!!!!

Race is really coming up! 8/1!!!!!!!!!! 2 weeks of build and then peak, then complete taper as we go into race week.... shivers :)

As I prepare my body and my mind for tomorrow...

2009-07-10T21:20:00.001-07:00

I have a rather challenging 60 mile ride waiting for me tomorrow. A severe allergy attack today outdoors, tired now yet recovering tonight and thinking about the ride tomorrow. There will be some long climbs as well as rolling hills to keep me working hard. I'm a little nervous, but also excited about a new route. Pretty much tomorrow will be one of my last long rides before the race. I am not going to like the climbs but I will do it, slowly and steadily.

I'm mentally prepping myself as well - telling myself tomorrow will be fun, that I will do fine on the hills, that I will not give up. I will feel ready tomorrow when I get up.

I am so blessed to be able to do what I do. I am slow and I am weak at times but my strength shines thru in my weakest times. I know this. I need to keep going with a humble attitude, and let God carry me thru...wherever he will take me to, I will go.

3 weeks to race day. Blessings all around...I feel it.

I'm devoting my ride to all my fellow fibromyalgia fighters!!! Let's keep going, for a better tomorrow...
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Another decent week of training

2009-07-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

Thursday - 6 hour hike
Saturday - 3000 meter swim
Sunday - strength and conditioning.

Was supposed to have a long ride today but I had to delay to tomorrow due to the 4th holiday and a rather tired body after Thursday's long hike and Saturday's long swim. After tomorrow's ride, the rest of the week will be taper workouts.

4 weeks left. Nervous as heck. Just doing the best I can while preventing injuries and flareups.

A thank you to my dear friends who have offered their time to join me on the hike and the rides, which I couldn't have done alone. You know who you are.

Blessings*

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After a long brick session...

2009-06-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I did a 3-hour bike then a 90 minute run/walk. It was grueling. I did notice, however, improvements in my hill climbing which was a huge relief. I was still cautious about my hip so during the run i mixed in some walks between intervals, which helped me stretch out my hips before things got too unbearable. I figure, it is more important to prevent injuries at this point than to try to fill up my ego with the satisfaction that I did a full run for 90 minutes straight and then risk suffering the consequences....

I was pretty sore afterwards (or even way before it was over) so I drove straight to the supermarket and picked up bags of ice - dumped it into the tub and threw myself in there. yes, freezing but i think it paid off because today i am not as sore and uncomfortable as i should be.

I think, despite the ongoing pain and spurts of fatigue, I managed to get stronger somehow. My hip flexors were tight last night and this morning, but they are not as inflamed or stiff as they were last week after a short brick session. So that tells me, ice bath or not, things have improved.

Over the past week some of you have been sending me amazingly encouraging comments to help me overcome my distress. Thank you so much! When i'm weak, i definitely can use the help...i am only human, I know there are limits to my ability to self-generate motivation all the time. I am so honored that I could encourage some of you to stay positive and improve your daily lives... and so happy and grateful that you have done the same for me when I am struggling.

So i have about 4 weeks left until the race. Nervous, but i just have to do my best for the next several weeks and just leave everything else in God's hands - I know i will finish somehow, in whatever shape or form. :) i am so grateful and relieved that my friends will be there with me to share one of the most important days of my life to date. I will have all of you in my thoughts to help me push through and persevere when i feel like stopping or quitting. I cannot even describe the power of your encouragements and thoughts and prayers and what they do to me - it makes me realize that what i do is not just through my might, but so much more beyond the physical efforts - something magical happens on race day, when everything comes together.

What gets me through at the end is not the training, it is what I know fuels me in my heart and my mind... my purpose, my promise, the love of my friends and the people who have become a part of my life through this little blog of mine...

I am tired, but very happy.

Thoughts on death of Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T08:07:00.001-07:00

so, was just thinking - if you want to stage a comeback, or just improve your life for that matter, don't wait too long. just start now...u never know what's going to happen tomorrow

Patience is required!

2009-06-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting for this weight and pressure on my ankles and shoulders to dissipate... I was feeling a lot better yesterday, but not quite today. Frustrating. But I guess I have to be patient and hopeful. The fogginess is getting increasingly annoying but the more I think about it it's only going to make me feel worse - it's all stress inducing, isn't it???

The mantra is, stay patient, stay positive, just believe...I will be better at the right time. Kinda out of my control at this point.

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I got Greedy

2009-06-21T15:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I experienced the worst flare-up and all-over body pain I've had in...3-4 years, or as long as I can remember. I was so frustrated all morning. I felt like a loser laying in bed, missing my brick workout with the LA Tri Club... ugghhhhh I was feeling worse and worse about my race, was wondering how I got into such a bad situation with the level of pain I was feeling. I was shocked more than anything, because it was so unexpected that i would be in this much pain. a bit fatigued, a bit sore, i get it, but this time...I was devastated.

The most disturbing thing about it was that the pain levels took me all the way back to 3-4 years ago, when I was mostly in pain and was depressed frequently. Fear sunk in...am I going back to those days? What have I done wrong????? I was scared.

I could not get up all morning, pretty much until 1-2pm. I really wanted to have some fresh fruit but had to laugh at the fact that I couldn't get downstairs to the kitchen... :) Finally, I dragged myself out of bed and into the bath tub, where I had an epsom salt bath. I felt slightly better.

Then I got a phone call from my friend Shirley, and her words woke me up. She reminded me how far I've actually come, not how much of a loser I am for having been injured all season and am now laying flat on my bed incapable of functioning. My talk with her reminded me how I used to struggle trying to ride 3o miles, swim 1500 meters, and how i used to just train slowly and at my own pace...just to finish. I got competitive over the months, which I would say is natural, but i really forgot where I started. I used to just want to finish a race, and it didn't matter how little I was able to train or how unprepared I was. I still managed to find the joy in racing and finishing, no matter how long it took me. It turns out, I got greedy. and my body was paying for it.

I did a 60 mile bike ride 2 weeks ago. I consider 2000 meters of swimming "not enough" now - i mean, this is a huge leap compared to where I was last year. I forgot how to be grateful for the progress i've made. instead I kept pushing for more, never feeling like anything was enough, anxious to do everything and more... which not only pushed me physically but also mentally stressed me out on top of an already stressful work life. There was my answer to this explosive flareup - a bit too much, cuz Minnie got greedy.

Yesterday's incident humbled me. It started with making me angry and frustrated, but I realized that I was forgetting why I was doing this. This is not about me, my glory or my ego...i need to go back to where I started and go by this process with humility and gratitude.

I'm so grateful for this weekend - it woke me up. With 6 weeks to go, I can start again with a new attitude.

Blessings to you all - you are all my motivation for this. I promise not to forget.

Helplessness

2009-06-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

Laying flat on my bed, cannot move at all. I am shocked.

God, help me get through this.

Even my fingers hurt typing this...

Humbled but hopeful for recovery.

Blessings to you all.
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Staying Strong is easier said than done..

2009-06-18T11:35:00.001-07:00

Ah, patience is wearing thin. Pain in my hip flexors move from left to right, lower to upper..getting tired.

Last night during my 90 minute run I had a mild panic attack, or so it seems. My chest was tight and I felt pain on my right chest. At some point I could hear a wheezing sound out of my throat. It was all very strange. But I kept going, even if it meant stopping and stubling for a little bit.

Sitting is painful. I'm working in front of the computer standing on my knees at work...

Patience is wearing thin. But again I tell myself I need to keep going and not be afraid of what might go wrong in the future.

The past two months have been painful, somewhere in my body, every single day. Tiring. But life is still meant to be lived. I won't give up.

We all gotta do what we can. The rest, God will lead the way.
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Ups and Downs, and the joy of recovery week

2009-06-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

Since the milestone 60 mile ride there has been some interesting incidents... Sunday and Monday after the run I felt horrible, stomach was turning and I just didn't understand what was happening. I felt like i had done an ironman race or something. Work started getting busy, and as I got over my stomach problem my left hip flexor tightness started creeping up on me again. Had some long bike sessions during the week on the trainer, felt ok but very fatigued. Come Thursday/Friday, i declared a burn-out from a week of 12-16 hour work days and my unbelievably tight left side, from my hip flexor all the way up my left side and abs. I just didn't know what to do with myself, so I skipped the long ride on Saturday.

I spent the entire Saturday morning cleaning and doing normal human things, like having brunch with friends and cleaning out old mail, etc. It was really nice for a change. I went to my strength training session with my trainer, which helped me a lot with the tightness.

So speaking of strength training helping with the tightness - here's my point. we get tight and feel pain because we don't move enough and our muscles stay constricted. Muscles stay short - short muscles equal weak muscles. so if you try to move with those short muscles, everything is going to hurt. My trainer started me with stretches, and had me do lateral moves concentrating on my hips and upper body - because they never get to move laterally, only front and back. I sit all day at the office, I sit for hours in the car, then i bike/run/swim which are all front-back movements. our body, however, is built to move 360 degrees. My lateral movement muscles have fatigued so much, which caused weakness in my hips and core (more the obliques), which made sitting one of the most painful things to do. I reconfirmed my learning of late - move, move, move...sitting still, or lying down still is not something you do for a prolonged period of time. It will make you stiff, short and eventually fall into a state of pain. Move, stretch, dance, spin around, utilize those muscles that are meant to move and pump some oxygen in to those muscles. It works!

This week has definitely been awesome. It's called recovery week, where most of the workouts are 30-45 minutes long, after a series of rather grueling weeks preceding. I have been so enjoying this, this morning I swam 1200m and ran for 25 minutes. It was so fun and short and sweet. :) I know that this means next week I ramp it up a notch and things will be tough, but I'm sure enjoying the short and sweet workouts for now!

I feel like over the past 3 weeks my body has been going through some extreme ups and downs and they have been exhausting to the body and the mind, I admit. However, I also know that there is a solution to everything, and I'm still searching for the solution to my left side problem...they just hurt along the entire upper body. Strange. But i'll get there. We can grow so tired of dealing with pain it's so easy to give up and drop the ball. At this stage, I have no idea if i can actually train up to be ready for my half ironman, but what the heck i just have to keep training as much as I can given my situation. I will only know what i am capable of on...8/1 RACE DAY. until then, i have to face the cards that i'm dealt with and go through the rounds of ups and downs, hoping for some stability in the next couple of weeks. I believe in hard work. I believe in ....believing. Just gotta keep going.

We get stronger as we aim to find peace in the midst of chaos... that's my thought for the day.

Race simulation (well, sort of)

2009-05-31T17:02:00.000-07:00

First, the good news - I managed to get thru a 60 mile ride, including 2 big climbs!!

Now, the aftermath - today when I woke up I was pretty tired, and my stomach was extremely acidic. I recalled that I had a very high dose of caffeine yesterday (coffee bf ride, power gel with caffeine during ride, FRS 3 servings post-ride thruout the day and then another coffee to stay awake in the evening), not to mention tons of sports drink mix and energy bars. My stomach was hating me. Oh boy.

I was pretty sore, but for the sake of simulating a race situation (I figured I'd have a stomach ache, feel like passing out and have atrociously sore quads) I just said what the heck and went for a 50 minute run. It was HARD, but for some reason it felt good (I know, I sound like an adrenaline junkie right now).

After the run, my stomach made its final revolt....urgh. I feel like I just finished a half ironman. Well, might as well be prepared! I'm just soooooo grateful that I am not having muscle pain after everything I've done this weekend!!!!!
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Yet another newly approved drug.

2009-05-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

"Savella, the third medicationapproved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration for the treatment of fibromyalgia, is now available by prescription."

It says, "Savella was approved by the FDA on January 14, 2009 for the management of fibromyalgia, a chronic condition characterized by widespread pain and decreased physical function that afflicts as many as six million people in the United States. Savella is a dual-reuptake inhibitor that, in-vitro, preferentially blocks the reuptake of norepinephrine with higher potency than serotonin, two neurotransmitters thought to a play a central role in the symptoms of fibromyalgia"

and then of course it came with paragraphs and paragraphs of potential side effects, including suicidial thoughts and bla bla bla.....

To boost serotonin levels, exercise. if you exercise, you don't have side effects. you may be a bit sore but that actually strengthens your muscles in the long run. you will lose weight, you will feel better about yourself, which will boost your serotonin levels even further, and you will keep wanting to exercise to keep it up. THAT IS ALL I CAN SAY ABOUT SEROTONIN LEVELS.

I'm all about fibromyalgia gaining recognition in the medical community, and i know there are people who definitely need the help of prescription drugs to mitigate the pain. with or without prescription drugs, EXERCISE. if you take prescription drugs, exercise to counteract the potential side effects of these drugs. many of these drugs have weight gain as a side effect too, which totally defeats the purpose of taking these drugs because if you get heavier, your muscles and joints will be in more pain from lugging all that weight around. Move around, use your body, make it do what it was made to do - MOVE.

sorry if i sound pushy and frustrated. I am quite frustrated indeed. a day like today i wish there was a magic pill that would take my pain away. But i know, from my experience, is that the only thing that will take my pain away without further consequences is - well several things, are - time, eating clean, sleeping well, moving around/stretching and keeping my smile and positive attitude. It takes a bit more work than popping a pill. That is the bottom line. We have to WORK for our well-being. this one-pill/one-trick will solve all attitude has got to just go away in its entirety.

a few kinks, prevent further injury by stretching and strengthening

2009-05-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

I knew i would be quite sore today from the run yesterday so I decided to just stretch and do conditioning work this morning to nurse my hips. I definitely felt tension on my left hamstrings and inner thighs, which tightened up from the run - which to me still means that the hip flexors are not as strong so the other parts of my body are doing more work to carry me through. I started with some leg lifts, front/back (more like up/down since i'm laying on my back) and also lateral lifts (side ways). Lateral leg lifts are always tough because my body never uses the legs laterally - it's always front/back or up/down (walk, run, bike, sit, etc...). But doing those lateral lifts are helping me gain strength on my hips, so that has been a part of my daily, well almost daily, routine.

As i felt some serious tension on my left hamstrings I was relieved that i didn't jump on the bike or do another run this morning - a totally unexpectedly smart move on my part. :) I used a long strap to wrap my foot and pulled each leg towards me as i lay on my back (knees bent)...argh painful but it also felt pretty good as I released it.

Tonight I will go swimming for about an hour and a half. Hope i make it after a long day at work. Tomorrow is rest day (foam rolling day) and then I'll attempt my ~60 mile bike ride Saturday and see if i can hold up. Excited yet anxious.

The next several days are crucial - my full recovery is depending on them. I better be smart about it.

I think I can run again

2009-05-27T12:42:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 530am. I huddled up all my laundry, went downstairs and out the courtyard and into the laudry room and started the washing machines. Came back into the house and made some coffee. While coffee was brewing, I started stretching. I moved on to some strength exercises and worked up a sweat. Coffee was done and started to cool off. Had several sips of the coffee and went to move my laundry into the dryers. I came back in, put on my running cap and off i went on a 30 minute run.

Because all my muscles were already loosened up and in fact fired up to move, I started with a run straight out. 4 minutes. then 1.5 minute walk. I repeated this interval 3 times. Felt pretty good. Left hip flexor was feeling fine, no real kinks being felt anywhere, my upperbody was upright and stayed that way without much struggle, I was pretty happy. After the intervals, I just ran very easy for about 8 minutes...and the last 2 minutes I spent doing 30 second sprints 4 times, with a minute of rest in between. The sprints were challenging (as they are supposed to be...30 secs never felt so long) but they felt great. I came back in to my house and stretched my calves, hip flexors, hamstrings and inner thighs. Of course i didn't forget to take out my laundry out of the dryer and fold them (actually, only some of them due to time limitations). OMG did that whole process feel absolutely amazing. Well, except for the laundry.

The past 4-5 weeks have been frustrating but I think I made the right choice by not even going near running but focusing on conditioning and strengthening my pillars - hips and shoulders to be specific. Those have been chronically weak areas for me, with a long history of problems. I just focused on strengthening those areas while still biking (no hills) and swimming. I stretched religiously and diligently went through the strengthening exercises, and let's not forget the grueling foam rolling sessions. I'm so grateful and relieved that my run today felt pretty good.

I will probably give my leg a rest tomorrow and just swim. Friday I will do strength training and do regenerative exercises (meaning foam rolling) while giving myself a rest day before the Saturday ride. I'm going to see if I can do about a 60 mile ride on Saturday, but if i start hurting I will back off. If all goes well, i'm back to the regular training schedule of swim-bike-run all week starting Monday! I'll still mix in some strength work especially around running days.

Yesterday I called it - i called that the pain should end. I feel the power of my words making my weaknesses surrender.

I may even come out stronger thru this process. I'm very hopeful about the next couple of months.

Setbacks may not even be a bad thing - depending on what you do with it, it can actually provide you with the opporutnity to raise the bar for the next stage.

Need to start Running again...

2009-05-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

It has been a blessed couple of weeks, I have to say. Two weekends of 40-45 mile rides without further consequences and the hip flexors are healing up nicely.

My only concern right now is the running part. I haven't ran, like really ran in months and with the recent injury I was discouraged from running even further. I'm basically going to start from scratch. 20 minutes of easy run tomorrow, followed by an 1.5 hr swim.

I was just reminded also that I had signed up for an olympic distance tri at the end of June. I have to be able to run 6.2 miles in a month. Swim and bike i'm very comfortable with, but the run is going to be a challenging one. Oh well, i'll consider it practice for the half IM race in August and do my best. Time is just flying by.

I tried getting up early this morning - i went on a rafting/camping trip over the weekend and I must have been so tired, I slept right through the alarm. I'm seeing my trainer Nicole tonight so i'm sure she'll work me pretty hard and make me make up for the missed training session this morning. My body needed the sleep apparently and I am glad that I let it happen, although it was really not my intention to do so.

This week's goal is to squeeze in 20-30 minute runs before every non-run training session, just to get my muscles used to running again. they will be easy. on Run training days, they will be a little tougher, but hopefully not to a point where it will induce any further injuries.

Time to put injuries behind and get it kickin'. i'm sick of talking about it!

Thank you Thank you Thankyou

2009-05-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to say thank you to all the people have read my blog and left me amazingly encouraging and inspiring comments. I am sorry i haven't had the time to individually respond to them (work is non-stop and i've been out of commission for a couple of days thanks to my lactose intolerance ordeal), but I just wanted to say thank you for reading and thank you for caring to comment! I can do what i do only because I know that someone can be encouraged by my sometimes what seems to be a reckless effort. But it's so worthwhile when I read about you all and what you're doing to make your lives better! thank you for all your advice, all your thoughts, thank you thank you thank you. I'll try to post some stuff answering some of your questions, but that won't be until next week or so.

i'm finally gaining some strength since my stomach/discovering lactose intolerance incident (have i even talked about that?). still digestion has been rough but i'm getting there. i just did a quick 45 spin on the trainer this morning, feel o-k. will try to swim tomorrow after work, and then Friday probably yoga and then Saturday a long spin on the trainer before taking off to San Francisco for the weekend.

God bless you all and thank you again.

44 miles on the bike!

2009-05-11T12:55:00.001-07:00

Saturday I rode my longest distance on the bike ever - 44 miles. I started from my house, stopped at Venice to pick up a friend (turns out she couldn't ride so I had to continue alone), then headed on to Malibu to meet my group. Riding back was a challenge, as by mile 35 I was getting pretty tired, esp my hip flexors. But thankfully I returned safely and I felt pretty good. I took a 30 minute nap before going to my strength training session. A bit of boxing mixed in, it was fun!

Sunday and today, however, not so good. My body has become lactose intolerant, I discovered. For a few weeks my stomach was bloating up quite extremely. I thought I was getting fat but this was a balloon like swell. So strange. It got to a point where I just couldn't eat anymore and I have been in pain for two days. I am starting to eat again, now no milk in cereal, no yogurt in my shakes and no more of my favorite cottage cheese snacks. Sad. Time to find other alternatives.

Hope to muster up some strength to be able top swim tomorrow.

Blessings,
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An interesting discovery about Pain and Starchy Carbs

2009-05-06T12:19:00.001-07:00

As i have mentioned in my previous posts, I've been on a new nutrition plan that is based on a 40/30/30 percent carbs/protein/fat ratio. I've also alternated that with 30/40/30 carbs/protein/fat composition as well and actually sustained that mix for about a good month, to see if i can promote better fat burning. It definitely helped...until about a week or two ago, when I started feeling more pain in my shoulders and arms when i woke up in the mornings. I certainly had the hip flexor injury, but i'm talking about the tingling/lingering pain we feel in the mornings. I hadn't had that in a while so I was a bit curious as to why that was happening again, especially when I wasn't loading up on weights as intensly as I did previously.

In the past 3 days or so, i upped my starchy carb intake just because my body was craving it a lot. I was pretty much back to the 40% level. I was doing some stretching in the evenings to alleviate the tightness everywhere as well - however i have to say i stretch often in the evenings anyway and the only real variable here is the increased intake in starchy carbs that may have contributed to the less pain i have been feeling. here's why:

i read an article about chocolate (just because) and within it i read that high carb foods enhances the level of serotonin (that's why women crave sugar like crazy during PMS) - so my guess is that while i have been working out although i have increased my intake of Omega 3 and 6 fats and protein to prevent inflammation and help muscle recovery, my low intake of carbs (cereal, oatmeal, my usual breakfast stuff) caused to lower serotonin levels and probably contributed to the heightened perception for pain. I think this makes sense.

Of course this doesn't mean that I'm going to eat carbs like there's no tomorrow - i'm just going to make sure that i eat at least 35% of my daily food intake that is carb-based, instead of keeping it at 30% or below. There's a balance to everything - i was focusing too much on the weight loss that I forgot to consider other important things.

when I say starchy carbs, i mean complex carbs from grains, not sugar or refined grains. sugar promotes inflammation, so we have to watch sugar intake levels - if our brain craves sugar because of low serotonin levels, it doesn't mean we should respond to it with sugar, cuz that would lead to inflammation. What we can respond with is exercise (boosts serotonin), followed by proper recovery nutrition (starchy carbs or sports drink and some protein) - so we double up on the serotonin WITHOUT exposure to possibility of inflammation.

ok, this is all my theorization based on experience and putting together facts - i'm not a nutritionist, i'm not a doctor, not a credited expert on any of this stuff. I'm just an expert on my condition and how my body responds to things. i enjoy learning about these things and applying them to my life. it has made me better. so here they are to share with you.

God bless,

30 mile bike ride - success!

2009-05-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

Finally, after 3 weeks of no riding (except for a few short spins indoors), I was able to survive a flat 30 mile bike ride without any painful consequences. Woo hoo! My hip flexors were a bit challenged, but it held up and felt pretty good especially after the stretches.

No hills yet until I can feel strong on the flats, but I look forward to hitting the hills in the next couple of weeks! I hope. If it takes longer, it will take longer.

I will walk off some of the tightness today - what a beautiful day!

God bless all!
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Want a little inspiration? I got some!

2009-04-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

http://newworldgreetings.blogspot.com/

Read this story! This woman's journey to complete the Boston marathon is amazing - she overcame polio and crossed the finish line! I am so inspired by her.

God bless!!!!!

Hip Flexor injury continues

2009-04-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

Turns out that my injury is a lot worse than I thought. A little lost as to how i'm going to maintain some kind of decent training schedule, but basically i'm thinking over the next two weeks I'm going to have to just focus on my upper body (weights, swimming, etc).

I ordered a bunch of stuff to help with my ergonomics in the car - including a foot rest. Having never driven an SUV before I definitely feel some challenges in adjusting to the new setup.

I'm feeling a lot of pain not only in my injured area but my lower back as well at this point since my back is handling the load on my body what my left leg can't handle.

Having a desk job that runs 10+hours a day doesn't help, especially after doing the same for 10+ years. Sitting like this for hours and years weakened my hip/upper quad/hip flexor area wayyyyy too much. this is not right.

I sense that it is time to make some drastic changes in my life right now. I'm praying about it and thinking hard about it.

I am a bit frustrated but I will not let this deter me. Every problem has a solution. My task right now is to patiently and proactively heal and recover, and get back to training over the next week or two. I can do this. Athletes get injured all the time and they come back all the time. Unless it is a serious injury i have not seen a single athlete give up on a race even before starting. Half Ironman, I'm still coming to get you.

God bless everyone, please stay healthy and positive.

Sunday Summary

2009-04-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

60 minutes of boring as heck walking. there is nothing harder than having to walk for that long when my mind just wants to run. However, even that walk made my upper quads/hip flexors pretty tired, i stretched and iced when i came back.

Weights and conditioning for 40 minutes. Worked my shoulders and core, couldn't do the step-ups, but did a less intense step down exercise as suggested by Dianna (my amazing sports massage therapist and beyond) with 16 pounds of weight, which I still found pretty challenging! The squats were qute tough with the weights definitely demanding upper quad strength which has been subsided from the injury. I love how our muscles work, or don't work in this case - the intricacies of our muscles and how they interact are quite amazing to me. I really want to study it some times. More stretching and icing afterwards. Pushups are still so challenging. I always used to hate it when people grown while doing weights - well i was doing that myself on the pushups. The last two of the 12 reps (x2)...major groaning action. So unappealing.

I slept about 9 hours last night - and i slept pretty well. I so needed that sleep from a pretty challenging weekend. But all is well that ends well, and I'm looking forward to this week.

I signed up for the Marin County 10k run to support my friends who are doing the half marathon (it's this Sunday) - it looks like i might have to just walk it or just stand by and cheer them on. But who knows, I might just heal this week! :)

have a great week everyone - and may every day bring you a new challenge and learning experience. Put your heart into everything you do - no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. it all adds up to something big in the future...

Hip flexor /adductor injury

2009-04-11T19:10:00.000-07:00

It looks like i'm paying for my indiscretion - last Saturday i biked 30 miles on my road bike. The next day instead of my usual swim or yoga I got on my mountain bike and rode about 20 miles along the beach, with a pretty poor setup (i knew the bike wasn't fitting right but i kept going because i didn't have the tools to fix it). Then the following day I went for a short hike. It was short, but i think it was more than my body wanted to handle. My left hip flexor and adductor were so tight that i couldn't walk without limping. I went to get it massaged, then I went to my surgeon to get it checked. My hip flexors weakened over time and it couldn't handle the load, causing all the other muscles to work harder to do all the riding and running i've been doing. The doctor was actually saying that I should be grateful for not having torn a muscle. What a relief!

I couldn't bike today with my group, but I went swimming instead. i have to say, just simple kicking never felt so bad...my hip flexors were definitely hurting. So i minimized the kicking and focused on pulling harder with my arm, and i ended up doing 2500 meters. i was so happy. the weight training, i have to say, has given me a lot of strength to enable me to do long distance swimming. My goal is to eventually be able to swim 2 miles (about 3300 meters). Exciting.

Injuries definitely suck. On top of that, I had a 24 hour flu/cold but i have to say, all my colds or flu symptoms have been limited to one day - that's it. i have to credit my regular vitamin intake and healthy eating for giving me the ability to kick the virus fast. My recovery has been really fast, i'm so grateful.

I think i'm way behind the running in my training schedule, Bike is almost there with less speed but more distance, and swimming i'm right where i should be. once the injury heals, I will do some more running and try to get some hills on the bike. Until then, Im going to have to focus on swim but also make sure my old shoulder injury doesn't act up (what is a girl to do????)... just need to be careful. also i need to do a lot of strengthening and conditioning exercises for my hip/adductor areas. It will only equip me to become a better athlete.

i'm grateful for this time of recovery and learning.

happy Easter everyone - be blessed on the day of Christ's resurrection!

Trial and Errors...what's working, what isn't

2009-04-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

Nothing major to update, but just wanted to say that i've been trying different patterns of training (e.g. 2x a day, 3 days straight with break, 2 days straight with break, alternate days, etc.) and I came to one important conclusion - be flexible and listen to my body. In a perfect situation I'd be working out twice a day (morning and after work in the evening) for 6 days of the the week and then have a rest day on Monday. It turns out in reality, that such a plan is a pipe dream. Or is that one word.

Usually, days after a swim training or bike training session I can still muster another training session the very next day. However, after a run training session, my body needs a full day of recovery. Running hits hard on my joints, my back and hip issues of course and just adds to the overall fatigue. Of course after a long day of riding either yoga or a full rest is quite necessary, although for some reason I've managed to either do weights or swim the day after.

Last weekend I caught the 24-hour flu, got struck hard on a Saturday morning (missed my first group ride, wah!), but woke up Sunday feeling just fine.

This coming week is the last week of the base building phase. I'm becoming more and more flexible with my training plans based on my condition - but trying to keep the swim/bike/run order. Keeping a separate training log as well recording accruate mileage and time.

I'm feeling ok, with occasional pain in the mid-calf areas, ankles, right shoulder (past injury), left and right hip (usually alternating) and my right SI joint on my lower back. Amazing how they overlap with tender points. But in general I am feeling more stable when it comes to energy levels on a daily basis. I was quite foggy for a while, that seems to have subsided lately.

Nothing is perfect and my training schedule has been far less than that. But i'm doing the best I can. I am grateful and ecstatic for those days that I can train, and I am still grateful in those days that i cant, in anticipation for the days I will be able to again.

I feel truly blessed. And even in the days that I don't feel it, I know that i am. That helps me just - suck it up.

First group ride of the season tomorrow!

2009-03-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

Last night's swim plans got scrapped because I committed to go on my first group ride of the season this Saturday morning (tomorrow!). Instead I went home and spun on the trainer for about an hour. It was hard but I had some easy spins intermittenly so that I wouldn't suffer today. Legs were nicely sore this morning. Thank God - no uncomfortable, burning pain. Left hip flexor is still pretty tight but I'm loosening it up frequently.

I'm a bit nervous about my group ride tomorrow - i know i'm going to be slow but I managed to find some self-proclaimed slow people in the group. I know i have to start braving these rides and keep doing them so that I can get better. Last year i had very few group rides, but thanks to my friend Susan she always managed to find the time to ride with me so I wouldn't be completely alone on the road. This year, I want to expand my eeeeasy rider's group! I know there are so many people out there who get intimidated by big group rides with super fast cyclists. :)

It's Friday - time to get home and relax, physically and mentally prepare for the ride tomorrow. It should be fun more than anything. If i think too much i'm going to end up totally bailing at the last minute. then I'd feel so bad about myself for days being such a copout.

have a great weekend everyone!

One day at a Time...

2009-03-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I did my first swim workout. I was really concerned about my ability to do it all, but since I was meeting with a swimming partner I had to push myself to show up and do the workouts. 2,000 meters done, thanks to my friend's encouragement! I was pretty sore the day after, but I stretched a lot and drank my FRS to get some energy.

I managed through the day on Wednesday, not feeling so sure about doing another workout after work - when I got home at a decent hour (around 7p) I felt the urge to get on the bike trainer and do a 40-50 minute spin. I observed my posture carefully, making sure I was using my core to keep my back protected, didn't go too hard for too long not to overwork my hips. I kept my cadence around 70-80 rpm, depending on the resistance levels. Overall, I got a refreshing workout in and got my heart rate going.

I don't think I have been eating enough carbohydrates since the training started so I've changed my protein/carbs/fat intake from 40%/30%/30% to around 30-35%/35-40%/30%. not having enough carbs while doing all these cardiovascular exercises, I realized, puts me in a moody place. Not fun. While I've increased some of my calorie intake, I haven't changed it drastically. My goal is still to lose some weight - which has been going nicely by the way.

Tonight i'm meeting with my swim partner again to do another workout. Having a workout buddy REALLY helps, especially when I'm tempted to just not do it. and it makes me push myself harder during the workouts.

Tomorrow I will most likely have a rest day, looking ahead of the weekend training. I am still being cautious, don't want to ramp up too much.

I am realizing more and more that I would have to have two rest days during the week instead of the usual one that every training program recommends. One on Monday, the other on Friday. I think that works for me.

Left hip a little tight today since the bike yesterday, but foam rolling last night after the spin really helped a lot with my calves and upper quads.

Training Week 1 - a bit of a detour...

2009-03-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

My aggressive weight training over the past couple of weeks caught up on me and I was helplessly in pain and foggy Friday - Sunday. That put a damper on my half ironman training schedule, but I suppose that's just part of the entire training experience...

Friday morning, I upped my weights and lowered reps per workout schedule. It was tough but I managed to get through it. However, the rest of the day at work I was foggy as heck. I asked weight training friends who don't have FM and they said they would feel out of it after a heavy session as well, so I was somewhat relieved.

Saturday morning I got up with a lot of pain. Sore, yes, pain, double yes. I took it easy that morning and ran some errands to get my body moving. Afternoon yoga - even that was a painful session and I barely finished a short 45 minute routine. I was planning on going hiking afterwards but I just didn't have the strength to do more.

Sunday morning I forced myself to do a 40 minute run before going to church. Basically, I came home feeling like I got hit by a car instead of my usual exhiliarating *i'm glad i went running * feeling. I didn't make it to church, I passed out for a couple of hours after a tough shower. Taking a shower never felt so painful! So ironic!

So the rest of Sunday was just a tough fight to stay awake and moving even in the smallest scale. That fog since Friday stayed on strong, and man, I had zero energy, no matter what I took (vitamin Bs, Flexessentials, Vitamin Cs, you name it). Frustrating as heck, but there was nothing I could do but wait. I spent some time adjusting my training schedule, moving things around, etc... thinking about how realistically can i complete all the items that were currently in my training schedule. But I also knew that in a couple of days I am going to feel ok and would be able to do a couple of great training sessions and feel like a champion again. I mean, I am a veteran at this point when it comes to training, then hurting, then training again. I shouldn't even be surprised, but I have to say going through it sucks every time and it doesn't get any easier.

Alright people, the fog has cleared a bit now and I'm feeling slightly better. I'm going to take it easy today and see what I can do tomorrow when I wake up. I can't plan anything right now, and sometimes you gotta let opportunities present themselves before you. I'm not going to freak out right now!

God bless,

Another great article regarding weight loss

2009-03-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.burnthefat.com/BIG_FAT_LIES_7_the_genetics_lie.html

To my parents who've told me growing up that I have the "Lee family's thick legs" to make me accept the way I look while feeding me fast food, donuts and fried vegetables (what was the point of that?), ummm... thank you for all the comfort (yet lifelong psychological baggage)...

Changes come from us, and it is our own responsibility to make that change. And there is no easy way.

God bless you all and may he give us the strength to keep going (assuming that we are all doing our part to get decent rest, I don't want to sound like a total type-A slave-driver)!

Dieting - I mean, EATING

2009-03-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

Here's an excerpt from www.holisticonline.com regarding diet suggestions for people with Fibromyalgia. When I say diet, I mean just plain eating - not the typical low-calorie diet used as an extreme weightloss method, which is not recommended. This is how we need to eat EVERY DAY without depriving ourselves of food and essential nutrients.

My diet plan has been simple - eat at the right times, eat regularly without huge calorie swings between days and be consistent with protein consumption (do you see that my diet plan doesn't ever say "don't" eat?). I'm not eating much less - i'm actually eating probably just as much, but more protein and healthy fat - if I were eating, for example, about 60% carbs/20% protein/20% fat in the past, i'm now eating 40% protein/30% carbs/30% fat. There are some other little things that help, but i will save those for later, once I get all the new info i've been absorbing over the past several weeks. There is just so much in my head right now.

Anyway - here's the excerpt. You will see that this is nothing different from the usual guidelines used for a general healthy lifestyle/diet method.
--
The daily diet should include milled flax seed, 3 or more tbsp., or cold-pressed, unrefined flax seed oil. Flax seed and its oil contain the essential fatty acid omega-3 alpha-linolenic acid, which the body converts into hormone-like substances called prostaglandins. Prostaglandins help relieve the inflammation of fibromyalgia. The oils of fatty fish such as trout, cod, halibut, mackerel and salmon also contain omega-3 fatty acids and therefore work as anti-inflammatory agents.

Alfalfa can be used for pain control. It contains saponins, sterols, flavonoids, coumarins, alkaloids, vitamins, amino acids, minerals and trace elements.

Eat a high-fiber diet that includes plentiful servings of raw and steamed vegetables. Maximize your intake of greens.

Include ample servings of clean, lean protein, such as that found in fish, poultry, and fresh raw nuts and seeds in your diet.

Eat four to five small meals daily rather than three larger ones. This will ensure that you have a steady supply of nutrients available for proper muscle function.

Avoid processed foods and foods that are high in saturated or hydrogenated fats, such as dairy products, meat, and margarine. Saturated fats interfere with circulation, increasing inflammation and pain.

Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and sugar. These substances enhance fatigue, increase muscle pain, and can interfere with normal sleep patterns.

Drink eight glasses of pure water daily. Fresh juices and herbal teas are also good choices. A plentiful intake of liquids is important for flushing out toxins.

Investigate the possibility that food allergies and/ or sensitivities may be contributing to the problem.

--
I've been hearing a lot of people with fibromyalgia saying that they have a weakness for sweets and wine and this and that and i'm gaining weight because I haven't been able to exercise because of fibro, etc etc etc... trust me I have weaknesses too and at times I do indulge myself in some dark chocolate and ice cream and I choose not to do anything active all day long (believe it or not). But if we keep complaining about the same thing for the same reasons - doesn't that tell us maybe we should change our behaviors? There is a plethora of information out there about eating right, the right foods that work for certain conditions, etc... let's educate ourselves and be better.

So...what's next?

2009-02-13T11:48:00.000-08:00

I bit my tongue and registered for my first half ironman. Barb's Race, in Sonoma, CA on 8/1/09. I did promise myself last year that if I finish the long course triathlon without much pain I will do the half! so I had to keep my promise.

Official 20-week training program starts on March 19th.

Until then, I'm focusing on strength training for my legs and hips (until next week), doing long but low-impact aerobic workouts (elliptical, bike, swim) to build a base (starting the week after), or continue to build a base from all the running I did all winter.

Also, I've embarked on a weight-loss plan to lose 15 pounds in the next 2-3 months. I need to shed the weight I didn't lose from the run (i definitely ate a lot more than i was burning). I need to shed the weight to save my hip and also make it easier for me to climb those hills on the bike.

I'm enjoying sleeping a lot and not having to wake up as early. I'm going to enjoy that for a month. My body deserves a bit of a break.

I'll probably squeeze in a couple of sprint and/or olympic tri races in May and June. Or maybe just one. Haven't decided.

I was going over my training schedule last night and this morning. Interesting (i.e., daunting).

Half Marathon Video on PatientsLikeMe

2009-02-06T10:31:00.001-08:00

http://tinyurl.com/bfoouc

Enjoy!

Race Report.

2009-02-02T12:04:00.000-08:00

2009 Surf City Half Marathon
2/1/09 Huntington Beach, CA

Pre-Race Stuff
230am, Saturday night: I woke up with a sharp pain in my right butt cheek (piriformis). It wasn’t tightness, it was a sudden, sharp pain, the same kind of pain I had when I was running the half marathon 2 years ago. Frustrated and scared somewhat, I pretty much stayed up all night massaging and stretching. I kinda snickered to myself thinking, "of course what's a race for me without some drama behind it." There's always something.

415am. Time to get out of bed. Shower, stretch, breakfast and coffee. Took inventory of everything I needed (sunscreen, visors, sunglasses, energy gels, race belt/bib, timing chip, ibuprofen). Kept testing my right hip. OUCHHHHHHH, dang it!

523am. Friends (my racing buddies Shirley and Lilian!!!) and I are in the car, ready to go.

I was feeling pretty nervous about the race on the way, only because my right hip was just not feeling great at all. What a way to start the day with the exact pain that reminds me of the failure 2 years ago. Thanks to my wonderful friends and their supportive company I was able to distract myself a little.

603 - 700am: Parking disaster. Brave Shirley decides to just drive up a curb and park there next to the other mischiefs. "They can't possibly tow everyone here" we comfort ourselves. Ok, time to get out of the car!

715am. Meet up with David from patientslikeme.com, introduce my friends and converse, laugh and mentally prepare ourselves as we stretch. I check in the clothes and stuff I wouldn't need during the race, and we’re ready to go. Took photos with our awesome patientslikeme tshirts and visors on, they were kind enough to sponsor us! Just a side note - Shirley and Lilian look like twins.

745am. Line up at starting line. It’s more like a starting area, with thousands and thousands of people. Butterflies start moving around in my stomach. Stretching and warming up. I stand in the back, the 2 hr and 40 min + wave.

802am. My wave starts – my friends Shirley and Lilian depart ahead of me as they are way faster than I am. we say bye and with warm hugs and good luck wishes, we go our separate ways. I see David taping us, I wave at the camera and start my run, and my timer.

The Race
Up to Mile 4, I’m feeling good, going at my slower/warmup pace, and ready to kick it up a notch. My right hip was a bit uncomfortable, but the discomfort was manageable.

Mile 5 – 7: Right hip definitely starting to hurt badly, especially after the incline. Every mile, I stretched on the side of the street. I was just happy that the stretching helped at least temporarily to continue my run. Took my first gel pack at mile 5. Maintaining pace of around 11.5/12 minute mile, I was still very comfortable in it.

Mile 7 – 9: I see Shirley and Lilian on the other side of the road (probably 2-3 miles ahead of me), we run towards each other screaming with open arms. Seeing them made me so happy and energized. They looked great and they were kicking butt! I pop two out of the three ibuprofen pills I brought with me. Took my second and last gel pack at mile 9. Right hip seriously hurting, limping and walking and stretching more frequently. Fighting bad, negative thoughts. Almost punched the other Minnie in my head that was tempting me to quit.

Mile 10-12: When I saw the Mile 10 sign, I was elated, people were clapping and screaming, and I was thinking in my head to pretend that I just started warming up for a 3 mile run. A tough imagination to keep, but helped nonetheless. I struggled to find the right leg alignment and cadence that minimized my pain. At some point, I was running at a quicker pace (90 steps/min) with much smaller steps. I made sure my upper body was almost upright, not hunching or swinging my arms sideways. I stopped looking for the next mileage sign, I stopped looking at the time. I was just looking slightly ahead of me, just focusing on my foot strokes. I felt less pain that way, and I needed to focus on keeping that posture until I reached the finish line. One misalignment, and I felt the pain come on to me like a flying knife hitting the bulls-eye. At that point, I’m chanting the Daily Prayer, singing random songs that I don’t even know the lyrics to, thinking about what slogans to use for my future races, etc…whatever I can to get me through this agonizing, what seems to be the longest 3 miles. At this point, my pace was over 13 minute/mile, including walking and stretching time and all that jazz. That’s probably why I stopped looking at the time.

Mile 12. YES! I wanted to go hug the Mile 12 sign. No more stopping to stretch, no more walking, just keep pushing, I was telling myself. I looked at the time – I could come in at 2:45 I thought. I just kept pushing. I’m hoping to see the finish sign. Not just yet, which made this last mile look so much longer than ever.

Mile 13. As I finally see the Finish sign before me with 0.1 mile to go, I am stoked, I am actually sprinting with pain written all over my face. I catch a glimpse of David, Shirley and Lilian waving at me and cheering me towards the finish line – which gave me another burst of energy to just really go for it. I dashed towards the finish line, I was so happy and relieved that when I saw the final time-chip check point for the finish, I leaped over it with full force. I was ecstatic, tears coming down my eyes out of joy and pain and relief and frustration all at the same time. I saw my friends, Dave was filming me asking me how I felt – “I feel great!” I said. Pointing at my race shirt that had the patientslikeme logo in front, I said “patients like me can run 13.1 miles.” Yes, I did it. I actually ran (ok, mostly ran) a half marathon. I didn’t break 2:45 as I hoped to, but I made it in at 2:53, I believe. My first half took me more than 4 hours to finish because I had to walk most of the way back! Shirley and Lilian came to hug me and congratulate me, while I congratulated them as well for finishing in great time (2:12!). They were kind enough to pack up a recovery food bag for me while waiting – I love these girls! I felt so happy and well taken care of by my friends. I was so grateful for my friends for being there with me. This race was especially meaningful for me because David’s company was sponsoring us and he got to see me in action, and I could help him out too (hopefully) in return. I cannot wait to see the video. I cannot wait for others to see it and hopefully feel hopeful and encouraged about the future.

Post-race stuff: simple – stretching, eating, icing and resting. And feeling proud for giving fibromyalgia yet another kick in the butt.

The Countdown

2009-01-26T18:20:00.000-08:00

1/26/09 D-6
Went for a quick 30 minute run. Ok, somebody explain this to me. How come, just yesterday I couldn't even land on my left foot because of my hip pain, yet this morning, I was running just fine with some tightness towards the end of the run? How can things change just overnight? I mean, thank God it did, but I'm a little confused. Granted, I spent most my afternoon yesterday on the foam roller and using *The Stick* to rub down my hips and legs, but what a drastic change (i'm not complaining, i'm not complaining)!!!

Pain was pretty severe in the morning in the office, but now it's manageable. I'm still trying to figure out why i've been in so much pain lately.

1/28/09 D-4
Had a great stretching session on Power Plate this morning. My body so needed that relief - my hips feel a lot looser. I'm going again to meet with my trainer Friday, to do a final fluff-up-those-muscles session.

Pain has subsided greatly. I have been taking heavy loads of vitamin B complex pills, which seem to be helping me with the energy levels. Been sleeping like a rock (thanks to Total Sleep).

My mind is now psyched about the race. Still nervous, but more excited, not as terrified as I was this past week.

1/29/09 D-3
Moderate pace run for 30 minutes. Did some final speed work at the end (30 seconds at incresing speed to maximum, 1 minute cool down, repeat 4 times), stretched and that was it. During the run, the right foot and inner-knee area (kinda the lower end of the adductors) were hurting, tried fixing my landing, but hey that's just going to have to fix itself magically on race day at this point. Post-run, left hip is back to normal (i think), right hip is a bit tight while sitting. Really looking forward to my Power Plate session tomorrow.

3 Days! Really??

Mental Prepping.

2009-01-25T14:28:00.000-08:00

My half marathon race is exactly a week away, on the morning of Super Bowl Sunday.

I tried running 5 miles this morning. Very unfortunately, my left hip was tight and I was in too much pain. Argh. I have no idea what happened here, because it has always been my right that have caused me problems, although I did have a couple of days of left-hip weakness. Perhaps I was focusing too much on my right and my left has been the compensator. I don't know. I tried pushing through but my left hip only felt worse - so I had to just bite my tongue, swallow my ego and walk back home. Discouraging.

I have been home, reading positive messages from my favorite books, meditating/praying (i consider them the same thing), and visualizing in my head how i will finish the race next week. What I need to do is focus on loosening up my tight muscles and getting my mind together to prep for the race. I figured, even if I ran today it wasn't going to contribute to making me any faster or stronger, especially at this point of the game. I've done my work, and I have a week to keep my heartrate going via short 30-40 min runs, to tighten some loose ends and just focus on the positive.

It has been an exhausting week from 12-14 hour work days, all week long. I was exhausted on Saturday, and I'm feeling a bit better. I need to store up my energy, be smart and be prepared. Ok, at this point I sound like a broken record.

I am pretty nervous about this race. I am excited to be out there with my friends and doing my first half marathon in 2 years since the hip injury. If I can maintain a slow start for the first 30 minutes, manage the pain (i.e. take advil around mile 6) and just keep myself distracted from the pressure, I will be ok.

Pray for me people, I know that I have never finished any of my races on my own might. I promise to remember that this race is not for myself, but for all those who suffer too much from the pain and cannot freely move as much as they would like to. I definitely know what that feels like - and I look forward to crossing that finish line and giving this pain a goooood kick in the butt!

10 miles. Somehow I made it.

2009-01-18T16:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I got up feeling so much weight on my shoulders. 10 miles of running was in order on my training schedule. Oh darn. I knew that my entire morning had to be spent on warming up my body, in whatever form.

All morning, I ran errands, cleaned the house and ran around to get my body loosened up while mentally preparing myself. I was scared to death, to be quite honest. I was dreading it and was thinking about any other ways I could get the same training effect without having to run it. The more I thought about it, there was no way around it.

Around 115pm, my running began. I warmed up as usual, for 15 minutes, alternating runs and walks. After the first 15 minutes, I kept running very easy, very VERY easy. I kept thinking about the miles I had to run and where I was every 5 minutes, and then realized I was driving myself insane by doing so, when I had so many miles to go. I just stopped thinking and started day dreaming about random things, visualizing the race and pretending that i was at mile 12 (10 times), and I was carefully observing my body, how my hips were feeling, my legs were feeling, etc... checking my form, etc... whatever I could do to distract myself from the long distance.

The first 4.5 miles were run on a rather boring course going east from where I live, away from the ocean. Then when I finished that course I moved on west to get on the beach to finish up the rest of my training. Sorry to those who live out in the east, but it was annoyingly hot at 80 degrees, I was burning up. Thankfully there was some breeze here and there that helped me cool off. I had a bottle of water with Cytomax mix and a bag of energy gels to sustain myself through the ordeal.

The first 5 miles or so, I was ok. I was feeling pretty good, my hips were holding up, I wasn't feeling too much pain. Around mile 6, pain in the hips started kicking in, around mile 8, I was groaning with pain but my lungs were working like magic and I wasn't out of breath at all. The last two miles were all a blur, going back and forth between focusing on my posture (what posture?) and almost crying from the hip pain. DAMN that hurt. I have to say, about the last 0.5 mile up on the hill back to my house, I just had to walk it, and every time i had to stop at a light or something before crossing the streets, I was in even more pain. Note to self: on race day, take advil around mile 5.

When I got home, I was beat, my calves were numb yet burning all at the same time, ankles were screaming, my hips were just hating my guts, and I had salt all over my face. I re-hydrated myself with water and stretched myself silly (calves, glutes, hip flexors, lower back, hamstrings, quads, IT band, piriformis... just google stretches for runners in these areas, you will find a ton of resources online!) and then iced my hips and upper quads (my usual problem areas) for about 15 minutes each.

Had some post-training food (carbs:protein 4:1 ratio), rested while catching up on some 24 (this season is like no other), felt like a human being again and then jumped into a hot shower while massaging my right piriformis (right butt cheek) muscle, which tightened up quite nicely (i'm being sarcastic). After the shower, I crashed for about 40 minutes and took a nice and relaxing nap. Kinda awake, but still a nap.

I went to a very fun dinner with a dear friend, ate like there was no tomorrow. It was good to have a nice fun relaxing time with a friend and laugh the day off instead of just staying in and going to bed with pain. I still had pain, but I was able to forget it a little bit. And moving around actually helped.

Today, I feel ok - definitely tired, tight around the hips, calves were completely stiff this morning but loosened up easily after a stretch (amazing!), upper shoulders are actually pretty tight from the run too. But I feel energized and relieved for the race, which is coming up in 2 weeks.

Tomorrow I will go for a fast walk/light jog for about 40 minutes to shake off the lactic acid build on my muscles.

I feel blessed. I mean, I'm tired and tight and in pain and all that fun stuff, but still I feel so blessed that I could run the 10 miles I was sooooooo dreading to do. If you think about it too much, the thought itself could just exhaust you. The best way to do it is to prepare yourself for whatever you need to do, and then without much thought, just open the door and get the heck out of the house and get moving.

Some Facts FYI.

2009-01-15T09:03:00.000-08:00

I have been getting some questions about my training methods, philosophy, running speed, etc... Please allow me to list several not so exciting facts about my lack-of-athleticism:

1. My running speed is anywhere from 9 - 13 minute per mile. On average I hang out around 11/12, while I mix in some 9/10 minute milers periodically for about a minute or two. When I mix in walks when I'm injured, forget it, i don't even look at my timing. I really don't care.

2. I stretch for at least 10 mintues before AND after a run, or any kind of exercise. Even if means I have to cut out actual training time. I'd rather be safe than injured.

3. I warm up at least 10 mintues before i start running, that is AFTER i stretch. So in order for me to do a 30 minute quick run, I still need to time at least and hour and 15 minutes (10/15 min stretch + 10/15 minute warm up + 30 minute run + 5 minute cool down + 10 minute stretch).

4. I get up at 5am - 6am every morning. almost every. In peak training season (summer), 430am sometimes. Yes, I'm a freak.

5. I don't run with big groups, because I'm way too slower than everybody else. It only frustrates me and discourages me to run with people that have no idea what my body requires, and I am not going to overdo it to keep up with them and pay huge later. I bike with a small group that is still faster than I am but not too much faster. I acknowledge and accept my realities and train within those boundaries, with the hope that I could catch up with others in the near future.

6. I don't mind training alone. Without music. There is a lot to focus on (technique, posture, things to do, people to call, day dreaming, etc.) to keep me going. However, bike rides are an exception, I do need a riding buddy. It's safer and more fun. Oh yeah, and ocean swims too. Please do not ever go out ocean swimming alone.

7. I'm slow, I get passed all time. It's ok. I can still finish a race, while 80% of the population is still sleeping or just getting up.

8. I take pride in my training and races. No matter how small or slow i may seem to others. However, I do have massive respect for those who are naturally athletic and doing something with it.

9. I do my homework - I read about pre and post training nutrition, I learn about the science behind fibromyalgia, I read articles about athletes and what they do to stay fit and focused, etc...

10. I listen to my body. If it doesn't want to do something, I modify my plan and do something else, or not do it at all.

11. Most importantly: I don't rush. I keep trying to find the right solution. All I have learned so far is through trial and error. I think in months and years, not in days or weeks. This is a life-long endeavor.

Have a wonderful day.

A good morning.

2009-01-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

I ran for an hour this morning. I ran.

OK, let's start from the beginning. I got up, TIRED as heck, got dressed and went downstairs to warm up a little. I warmed up by blasting music and dancing around the living room (hey, why not have fun?). Then I moved on to stretching. I got warm enough to want to get out of the house at 545am, still dark and a bit chilly (not as cold as it has been in the East, but hey, everything is relative).

I started jogging very easy, for 5 minutes - then I walked to stretch out my hips more for the next 5 mintues, and stretched my quads twice along the way, and then to wrap up my extended warm up, I jogged again for another 5 minutes.

I focused on my warm up this morning because of the fact that I hadn't really *ran* in 3 days or so, and I wanted to make sure that I could maximize my running while I was in fact running.

The warm up paid off. I was running smoothly 10-15 minutes into my main run, and towards the end of the 4th mile (i think) I didn't feel like stopping - I could go on for another 3-4 miles (what a relief, i have a half marathon in 3 weeks!). I was able to change my speed more swiftly too, which felt great. We all know there are days we can't tell if we're going faster or slower or what.

Some people can just start running. I can't. I could, but I wouldn't last long. I have to take the time to warm up properly. I have to take the time to get my body to be ready to run. Yes, I would like to be like those some people that can just get up and get running. But I am not. Big deal. Take some extra time and make sure YOUR run is right for YOU. It's YOUR run, it's MY run, not somebody else's.

Anyway, I cooled down for 5 minutes after 4.5 miles, and then stretched and got myself on the foam roller after the run. It felt good. What a good run this morning. What a relief that is, too.

Tomorrow I will attempt to do a shorter run but faster. Friday, strength training and recovery. Saturday (or Sunday), a big 10 miler.

Have a nice day.

Easing In

2009-01-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

I had about 9 hours of solid sleep. I woke up with lingering pain in my shoulders and tired legs. I knew I had to get up and get moving. I stretched and started walking outside. After about 8 minutes of walking, I started running really easy, I felt some discomfort in my hips and left quads, but I figured that's natural for someone who hasn't ran in over a week.

I warmed up for about 15 minutes with a light run. Then, I just kept doing run/walk intervals of 4 mins/1.5 mins for about 2 miles. The discomfort did subside over time, but I have to admit not to a point I'd liked it to be. But I felt comforted by the relief, no matter how small it was. I knew that there was no way I could run over 5 miles without feeling pain later, so I slowed down on the way back and walked fast to stretch my hips and monitor my pain. My mind was still running wild, one minute positive and another minute negative and gloomy. I was worrying about my ability to do a half marathon in 3 weeks. I was feeling antisocial and worrying about a dinner commitment i made for tonight. I was at times telling myself I will have a great day. I was at times telling myself my life was over - my head was very very unstable! These mind tricks could fool us to making us believing that we are worthless and our lives are pathetic. But I know even this mind battle is part of the process. Whenever my mind plays tricks on me, I have to focus on the positive. I know those negative thoughts are not real, and they are driven by lower serotonin levels, especially on high-pain days. When my body is about to feel better, my mind struggles even more before it gets back to its positive state...brain chemistry runs the gamut.

I'm going in to the office today for about 5 hours to get a lot of work done, which stresses me out, but I will just push through and get it done.

Tomorrow I will attempt to get up early and do a real run, since I managed to warm up today from a week long streak of pain and fatigue.

I can turn this around. Even when I think i can't, I know i just have to.

Pain.

2009-01-10T20:59:00.000-08:00

Today was one of the toughest days i have had in a long time.

The pain through my shoulder blades are so severe that I cannot even turn my head, and the pain keeps me completely helpless. I've tried many times throughout the day to push through it and be active, but i couldn't. The thing that kills me that it probably is just tight, but I'm feeling it so much more because of fibromyalgia. I've been tired and overworked, and even over-active. This pain is what gets us down not just physically but also mentally. I am in a dark place.

i pray that tomorrow i will be better. i pray that i will get through this. i pray that i will not feel like i'm all alone on this earth. i pray that tomorrow I will get up and get moving. i pray that tomorrow i will have better news to share.

Surf City Half Marathon, 2/1/09. I will still make it there.

I'll be ok. God bless you all.

There are bad days, but there are also Good Days!

2008-12-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

I ran easy for 40 minutes today. I felt pretty good, although left hip was hurting more than the right hip (usually it's the right one that bothers me), and left ankle was showing some sharp pains occasionally. I stretched after the run just to make sure i was addressing those pain issues. I was suprised at how i didn't get exhausted by the 20th minute, because i remembered the struggle i experienced last week.

This past Saturday I ran/walked 5 miles, more like 6 including warm up and cool down, and perhaps that helped me build better endurance although I was stuggling after mile 3 with both hips and calves screaming for rest. I was very exhausted and fatigued at mile 3.5 or so, was regretting not bringing Cytomax with me (just brought plain water), but I powered through and had a long cool down, just to make the mileage. I wasn't as sore the next day, in fact i ended up standing around for 6 hours volunteering at a half-marathon event, but it was good to be out there and get some positive energy from so many runners. On Monday, however, I couldn't dare to run like I was supposed to because that was when the soreness kicked in. I took the day off and I ran today instead (so i'm skipping one bike session this week), and i think the rest yesterday helped.

I gotta look into the left hip pain and make sure that is figured out before I go out and run again. Nothing some foam rolling and icing can't fix, I hope.

Training plan for this week:
Tues: Run Easy 40 mins (not including warm up for 10 minutes and cool down for 5, for all workouts)
Wed: Power Plate / Strength training
Thurs: Run Moderate (a little faster/harder than today) 30 mins with drills afterwards
Fri: Bike Moderate 40 mins on trainer
Sat: Run/Walk 7 miles, Conversational pace (I think it's 7, but it might be 6)
Sun: Rest (will probably do pilates, core exercises, etc)

Living *WELL* with Fibromyalgia

Let's look at some Data

Lots have Happened over the past 4 months!

I'm Not Like Them...and That is the Point

Definitely Not the Ideal...but Doing What I Can

Unexpected!

Quick Nutrition Stuff during Training Ramp-up Periods

Team Luna Chix has Graciously Offered me a Guest Blogging Opportunity...

Raining Hard

Lake Tahoe America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride - 72 miles tomorrow

**Catching up**

**A Renewed Heart and Mind – With a Little Help from My Friends**

Taking control of my time

Minimizing the Conflicts in My Life Minimizes My Pain

Bad Sleep Night

Eat Your Colors!

Cheering on the LA Marathoners...

When one dream dies, Dream your next Dream

My first 16 Mile Run - I Surprised Myself!

16 miles Tomorrow....my longest run EVER

12 miles done!

We are what we See, We are what we Think

Facing the Past and Forgiving it. For Good.

Five Simple Principles I Live By

Anyone Hit a Wall after a good First Week? I Did!

11/14 Big Sur Half Marathon - Failure is a Platform for Future Success

Before I head out for a Run...

Half Marathon Training - So Far, So Good!

Getting back in Gear

Changing things up - Let's keep it Interesting!

What's Stress Got to Do With It?

Escape from Alcatraz Race Report - The Training part

Escape from Alcatraz Race Report

Like I Said....

Training progress

THANK YOU

Keep Trying, keep trying....and wake up one day BETTER!

Finally getting back on the Bike

We get what we give away - Smile at all times!

Surf City Half Marathon is Tomorrow

I am Ashamed of my Laziness! Getting back to Blog Posting...

Am I Ashamed of my Fibromyalgia Symptoms?

Half Marathon Training begins TODAY

Bike Accident, and Malibu Triathlon – my attitude killed my joy, and I paid for it!

Recovering, Resting...and Working

Photos from Half Ironman

I am officially a Half-Ironman finisher

Pre-race Prep

All the hard work is done, Race Day is 5 days away

Strawberry Fields Sprint Triathlon and the Ride back from Oxnard...on bike

Up at 415am

Ocean Swimming Tips - things to remember when you're about to freak out

Triathlon is a Team Sport!

Details of the Encinal Canyon Climb

Milestones

As I prepare my body and my mind for tomorrow...

Another decent week of training

After a long brick session...

Thoughts on death of Michael Jackson

so, was just thinking - if you want to stage a comeback, or just improve your life for that matter, don't wait too long. just start now...u never know what's going to happen tomorrow

Patience is required!

I got Greedy

Helplessness

Staying Strong is easier said than done..

Ups and Downs, and the joy of recovery week

Race simulation (well, sort of)

Yet another newly approved drug.

a few kinks, prevent further injury by stretching and strengthening

I think I can run again

Need to start Running again...

Thank you Thank you Thankyou

44 miles on the bike!

An interesting discovery about Pain and Starchy Carbs

30 mile bike ride - success!

Want a little inspiration? I got some!

Hip Flexor injury continues

Sunday Summary

Hip flexor /adductor injury

Trial and Errors...what's working, what isn't

First group ride of the season tomorrow!

Living WELL with Fibromyalgia

Catching up

A Renewed Heart and Mind – With a Little Help from My Friends