Thoughts as I am Forced to Take a Break...

8/4/07 UPDATE
It’s been a challenging past couple of weeks. My body was increasingly getting tired, I haven’t been sleeping well, and I have been achy a lot more frequently. That in and of itself has been tiring me out! Ugh. I know I have been pushing myself, and I still plan on doing so – but this weekend, I decided to take a break. I’m still in pain from my hip injury and even my back is tight. I felt burnt out. So before I get completely turned off by the grueling training routine, I decided to just take a break. Just rest, recover and re-gather and center my thoughts. For the past couple of weeks it has mostly been just fighting the pain and the fear that comes with it – I’ve been stressed about not sleeping well and just trying to survive the day without much sleep. It’s almost as if I’ve stopped enjoying what I was doing this for – I just got wrapped up in training and managing the pain. Perhaps it’s time to take a step back, stay positive and feel well rested – so that I can keep going. This in and of itself is an endurance race – I need to pace myself.

It’s amazing how it’s so easy to forget to remember what it’s like to have setbacks. 2-3 years ago, I had set backs almost every other week. I used to have more bad days than good days. Now, here I am getting all discouraged and upset and frustrated because I’m having some setbacks after having like 3-4 great MONTHS. I know I don’t have to feel this bad about myself. I know that my desire to be healthier and stronger is great – and I have been striving for it for a while, but at the end…it’s all about living WITH FMS, right? I still have it, it’s not going anywhere, heck, I should be happy right now. Well, I am happy. I’m just tired – and that shouldn’t mean that I should be all upset and down in the doldrums. Does FMS have anything to do with moodiness? I wonder. Well, that’s probably just me – the last thing I want to do is to add “moodiness” to the list of symptoms of FMS. That wouldn’t be right.

Well, hopefully I should be able to post something positive next time…and I know I will. I will recover and I will do better. I always have. Hang in there everyone!