Thursday, November 22, 2007

**Babysteps and My First Magazine Appearance!**

Starting this week, I started a running program as advised by my physical therapist who has been advising me on my hip injury. My first week of workouts - 20 minutes of brisk walking, every other day. Obviously, this indicates how much I have been rushing to get the ball rolling in triaining whenever i felt that i have made an advancement in hip or shoulder injury recovery - for example, running 3 miles straight up whenever i felt *better*.

I did my 20 minute walk yesterday, and shockingly my right hip and back did feel extremely tight. I did my stretch exercises this morning, followed by 50 minutes of easy spinning on the bike, wrapping up with some stretching and, the key to all muscle recovery, icing. Wow, thank God for icing. I have truly learned the benefits of icing after a long hard workout. If anybody saw me wrapped in ice all around my hip and back and shoulders...and thank God that anybody is nobody but me. :)

I am really looking forward to this running program, because I believe it will surely build me up gradually and effectively, hopefully preventing me from further injuries! I declare 2008 as a injury-free year!

Another good news - East West magazine, an Asian-American targeted lifestyle and fashion magazine, featured a story on Fibromyalgia and yours truly. :) Yes, who would have thought - I'm featured in a magazine!!! The link to the article is http://www.eastwestmagazine.com/content/view/249/40/. The content of the article was very informative about Fibromyalgia itself and my story was interwoven nicely almost as a case study. The writer, Jennifer Kim, really did an amazing job and I commend her ability to build a cohesive and interesting story out of interviews from doctors, references and worst of all, my long interview of many many words. Thank you Jennifer!

Anyway, I am hoping and praying dearly that my current 20 minutes of walking will soon develop into the ability to run miles and miles....and 13 miles to be exact by February. I really want to do the half marathon race in February! I will have Fibromyalgia awareness phrases on my race singlet this time. I can't wait.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

**Bringing Healthy Back (well, sort of!)**

It has been a while since my last update. First of all, I want to share with you that after a tumultuous summer (health-wise), I am finally getting back to my base-level health. I stopped all the traveling and took advantage of the down time at work to focus on getting better over the past month.

Hip Injury – Back again, or time to get rid of it for good?
Starting mid-October, I realized that my hip injury has not completely healed, causing tightness and pain on my right hip every time I went biking or running. I was excited for a while to be able to run more than 3 miles – but a couple of weeks later the pain worsened. I went to a free lecture series at a personal training facility called Phase IV. The lecture was about achieving efficient and effective training for cyclists (it was amazing). The place also offered free injury evaluation at their physical therapy location, so I signed up for it. They quickly called me to follow up to set up an appointment, which was quite impressive. The evaluation indicated that my right hip was rotated (which I think is from my sitting position in front my desk at work) and muscles around them were weak due to prolonged tightness. The rotation caused a slight misalignment of one of my backbones, which have been causing the irritation in my back.

So – I’ve been back on physical therapy for about 3 weeks now, and I have been doing my assigned stretching and exercises every day, followed by 15 minutes of icing as if it were my religious ritual. I’ve been limited to 30-45 minutes of cycling until further instruction. Definitely no running. Ouch. But I have been diligent with it and I have been observing my therapist’s instructions (ie, my subjective opinions and feelings have been out of the question – but I did trip again, coming up in the later part of this entry).

I signed up to do a half marathon in February (
www.runsurfcity.com). Perhaps that is the primary reason why I can be patient and do whatever my physical therapist is telling me to do J. I am praying that by December I will be able to start running. I am right now just doing my minimum biking and building my base (about 125 heart beats per minute), just thinking about being injury free.

My shoulder/neck injuries are getting much better, though. I went to a swimming clinic about two weeks ago, which helped me greatly with fixing my stroke and therefore relieving too much stress on my right shoulder. The problem I have been having was that I have been crossing over my arms instead of keeping my arms aligned with my shoulders – fixing that position changed everything!

Sleeping Better!!!
One of my (and most of FM patients’) biggest and perhaps most detrimental symptoms is poor-quality sleep, or what’s called sleep apnea. Basically, getting our REM sleep (deep sleep where growth hormones are developed and our muscles recover) is like getting a guy to ask for directions – or whatever that basically means “impossible.” Realizing that getting good quality sleep is probably one of the most important things I need for daily recovery from training, I asked my physician about ways to get better sleep. I have tried many herbal sleep enhancement supplements, and they seemed to help me for only the first 2 weeks, and then become practically useless.

My doctor recommended I try Amitriptyline. Having been off any kind of prescription medication for a while now, I was a bit hesitant when he mentioned it. I asked him exactly what the medication did, and he kindly explained to me that it was proven to help people with FM get REM sleep and enhance serotonin levels in the brain – perfect. Isn’t that we fibromyalgia patients lack the most anyway? It was a 10 mg pill, but the doctor advised that I start with half or a third of a pill first for two weeks, then increase the dose to 1 pill, before bed time. I figured I’d try anyway since I can immediately stop taking it if I didn’t like it while recognizing my craving for some solid, good RECOVERING sleep.

The first day, I couldn’t really notice the difference but the stiffness in the morning was less. After 3 days or so, I really started feeling so much well rested after a long-night of sleep! I was feeling fantastic. I was exercising regularly (every other day), feeling recovered every day. I was keeping up with my work schedule and the grueling 4 sessions of physical therapy (2 for my shoulders, 2 for my hip) every week and I was quite amazed by the way I can feel on a daily basis.

BUT once again, my biggest weakness reared its ugly head – and I abused my health and I had a pretty bad fall this Thursday and Friday. I worked long hours and cut down on my sleep to accommodate training while trying to make all my appointments before and after work – and finally my body gave in. WHY WHY WHY do I get so excited every time I am feeling better? I need to learn how to be moderate. I keep learning the hard way, over and over…ok people, I promise I will do everything in moderation. I will save my energy when I can, and the only time I will exert everything and beyond what I have will be on…race days only! It is Saturday afternoon right now and I only did my exercises and stretches I learned from physical therapy – that was still 30 minutes worth of work. I am so itching to get on the bike right now, but it is my first day in recovery after my two days of flareup so I KNOWWWW that I just have to build up slowly. Tomorrow I will go swimming focusing on my stroke. And that is all I am going to do. oh, and my physical therapy exercise assignments. :) BUT THAT’s IT!

Friday, October 5, 2007

Whoa, I'm featured on the National Fibromyalgia Association Website!

Thanks to the wonderful people at the NFA, I've been featured on the Member Spotlight section of their website. http://www.fmaware.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=6225

I did a short interview with the organization's communications director - I was quite nervous and in hindsight there are things I should have or could have said better. However, I do hope that it reaches those people who need a bit of hope and encouragement.

I'm desperately yet cautiously searching for a race event before the end of the year. My physical therapist thinks that I can start being active again, based on my progress with my neck and shoulder problems. I have been running every other day or every two days (or is that three?), and i have been feeling pretty good. I ran more than 3 miles two weeks ago, which was the first in MONTHS. Definitely my hips have gotten stronger, and the recent physical therapy which focused on my posture and core strength, has made things even better. I feel my body moving more efficiently, and I feel stronger.

Also, although I am a huge Nike fan, and this is nothing against my favorite sports brand in the world - I'm one of those people who got sucked into buying the ipod nano with the Nike+ (plus) speedometer/receiver gadget. I ran on Nike running shoes for a while so that i could use the apparatus. However, i hate to say this, but for the safety and well-being of all runners out there, Nike running shoes are not the best ones for your comfort and support. If you are an advent runner, this is probably old news. so for the new runners out there - I switched to the new Asics running shoes (http://www.asicsamerica.com/products/category.aspx?PARENT_CATEGORY_ID=250001538#a250001544) and I noticed a huge difference in my running. I'm not in as much pain as i used to be! I believe i bought the Gel-Kayano product, with something called an "i.g.s." technology. Whatever it is, it is awesome and it has worked well for me. I highly recommend the product and therefore highly encourage you to go check it out in your neighborhood athletic store!

Anyway - hope some of you enjoy my first public online appearance on the NFA website!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Interesting Times – facing Reality yet imagining a better Reality in the Future.


Ok, long story short, let me go over some of my recent activities and that would make everything self explanatory.

8/19 – 8/23: Myopain Conference and Leaders Against Pain leadership training, Washington DC
8/23 – 8/26: New York trip (train ride from DC, back to LA on the 26th)
8/27 : back to work
8/31 – 9/3: Germany trip
9/4 : back to work, running errands to prep for the move explained below
9/7 – 9/8: Helped a friend move things out of storage and move stuff (like, big and heavy stuff) in 95 degree weather
9/10: Parents fly in from Korea to stay for 21 days.

I understand that I can’t even whine or ask for sympathy here. I’ve done all this voluntarily and I really thought that if I managed myself right, I’d be fine. I could be such an unrealistic optimist sometimes! Ha ha. This is what happened the following:

9/4 – 9/13: Feeling fatigued, barely surviving at work. Not able to train/work out. But keeping a good attitude and pretending to be “fine.” (I think I was trying to practice positive thinking, which ended up being more of a denial)
9/13: I couldn’t move my neck. The stiffness was unprecedented, and I was in pain. When I got home, I was in tears because I couldn’t believe how much my neck and shoulders were hurting. That combined with a really bad headache, upset stomach and chest pains, it was an all-in attack of my fibromyalgia symptoms. Bring it on.
9/14: I start religiously drinking Greenergy, dropped all other supplements. I don’t know exactly why I did that but I just wanted to have one thing working for me and see if Greenergy really helped, out of all my supplements. I was feeling better. Had heating pad on my neck all day long. Was able to turn my head half way on each side by the end of the day.
9/15 – 9/16: Trip to San Diego with my parents. It was still a stretch, but I had to do it. but we all went to bed really early, moving with my schedule. Thanks to their cooperation, I wasn’t feeling too fatigued. However, overall stiffness was prevalent and it felt like a piece of plank wood. I was stretching and doing yoga moves that would get me lubed up in my joints. Wow. Painful.

My body was screaming at me to stop. The level of pain this time was far worse than it has ever been in the past 2-3 years! Dang, I really was full of myself during the month of August – early September. I really thought I could do it all somehow. Lesson learned: NO, I CAN’T DO IT ALL IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.

So now…I can’t swim because I can’t really move my neck without screaming. My mind is constantly battling – would running help me or harm me right now? right now I’m thinking that it would knock me down again. However, not exercising might prolong my fatigue/pain. Don’t think stretching and Yoga are enough…or maybe it is. I’m just too used to going out there and doing more active things.

Back in June, I signed up for an Olympic-distance triathlon on 9/30. Doing that race seems unrealistic at this point. It’s discouraging and disappointing, but when I look back on the things I’ve done over the past month, there is not a single thing I regret. The fact that I was able to travel and help a friend really makes me happy – and if I had to, I’d do it again (it’s one of those things that I had to do because I really care about this person). My body could have easily broken down then – but it didn’t! This past week or two have been extremely tough and challenging. I don’t like feeling like I can’t even go for a walk outside. I don’t like feeling worn out like this again. BUT I know this is temporary. I know that in a couple of weeks, with good rest and nutrition and slowly easing myself back into exercising, I will get me back on the training routine again. How do I know? Because I know I HAVE TO get back on track. And I know I can.

We all have setbacks. I think our strength is proven by our ability to deal with setbacks, not when things are all good and easy. There are many more races before the end of this season – and I might end up having to resort to doing a half marathon (not that that’s easy) or a half-century ride towards the end of this year or early next year. My neck/shoulder problems might keep me from swimming for the rest of the season. I don’t know yet. I have to talk to my physical therapist.

On the bright side - Being the absurdly optimistic person that I am, I am even thinking, this is probably the worst that can happen before I start training for my half-ironman next year! Ha ha. And that would make my story even more meaningful – overcoming a tough setback before training for a completing a half-Ironman! Yes, a bit dramatic, but I will imagine the best. That is what is going to keep me going. It’s so easy to just get discouraged and hate myself for bringing myself to this. However, whatever – it’s a done deal, I had fun while doing all the things I’ve done, learned great things and I just have to rest for now! Who knows, maybe I’ll do the sprint distance on 9/30 instead! J oh well. I’m going to pray about it and think hard about my next steps. For now, I just have to keep up the effort to get my energy level back and move forward.

Next, I will finally get around talking about the amazing experience I had in DC during the Myopain Conference and the Leaders Against Pain leadership training program. I will also share a lot of the useful medical info I’ve acquired from attending the conferences. It’s great to have medical explanations to why I do what I do to battle Fibromyalgia.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Thoughts as I am Forced to Take a Break...

8/4/07 UPDATE
It’s been a challenging past couple of weeks. My body was increasingly getting tired, I haven’t been sleeping well, and I have been achy a lot more frequently. That in and of itself has been tiring me out! Ugh. I know I have been pushing myself, and I still plan on doing so – but this weekend, I decided to take a break. I’m still in pain from my hip injury and even my back is tight. I felt burnt out. So before I get completely turned off by the grueling training routine, I decided to just take a break. Just rest, recover and re-gather and center my thoughts. For the past couple of weeks it has mostly been just fighting the pain and the fear that comes with it – I’ve been stressed about not sleeping well and just trying to survive the day without much sleep. It’s almost as if I’ve stopped enjoying what I was doing this for – I just got wrapped up in training and managing the pain. Perhaps it’s time to take a step back, stay positive and feel well rested – so that I can keep going. This in and of itself is an endurance race – I need to pace myself.

It’s amazing how it’s so easy to forget to remember what it’s like to have setbacks. 2-3 years ago, I had set backs almost every other week. I used to have more bad days than good days. Now, here I am getting all discouraged and upset and frustrated because I’m having some setbacks after having like 3-4 great MONTHS. I know I don’t have to feel this bad about myself. I know that my desire to be healthier and stronger is great – and I have been striving for it for a while, but at the end…it’s all about living WITH FMS, right? I still have it, it’s not going anywhere, heck, I should be happy right now. Well, I am happy. I’m just tired – and that shouldn’t mean that I should be all upset and down in the doldrums. Does FMS have anything to do with moodiness? I wonder. Well, that’s probably just me – the last thing I want to do is to add “moodiness” to the list of symptoms of FMS. That wouldn’t be right.

Well, hopefully I should be able to post something positive next time…and I know I will. I will recover and I will do better. I always have. Hang in there everyone!

Friday, July 27, 2007

Working with the National Fibromyalgia Association!!!

Recently, I had the honor of meeting with the people at the National Fibromyalgia Association (http://www.fmaware.org/). Have you heard of them? I found them on the website out of total chance, and that's when everything started to unfold.

I plan on working with the organization in every way possible - not only with regards to my racing efforts to raise Fibromyalgia awareness, but to reach out to those who would like to talk about their experiences with this illness. We shared a lot of visions and ideas going forward - and i cannot wait to work on each and every one of them with this great institution.

They have been kind enough to invite me to a global-level media and advocacy training conference in Washington, DC this August, to which I gladly agreed to attend. I will learn how to speak with the media about Fibromyalgia intellectually and correctly (all the fun medical terms, etc.), and learn how to deal with the media in general. I think it would be a great learning experience for me. I didn't expect this level of support and enthusiasm from them - I am so excited about the future!

There is a lot of useful information about FMS on http://www.fmaware.org/. I recommend that you read through it...if you are a patient or a family member, or a friend of someone with FMS, it's almost essential that you read it....they are still building out some sections but this site is set out to be the most comprehensive information and community source. This organization is constantly growing and they have a lot of amazing plans in the future to raise FMS awareness and give patients and their families education and hope. I am just honored to be a part of this.

I will keep you posted on all of this as we go forward....

Saturday, July 21, 2007

A Rather Strong Flare-Up...

Last Saturday (7/14), i did a 36 mile bike ride. I was quite busy running around all weekend afterwards. The following week, work was pretty intense and stressful until Wednesday. I was quite sore and my hips were pretty hurting from the bike ride so I didn't work out at all until Wednesday (swim, 1,100 meters). Thursday night when i got home from work, i started feeling quite tired. I lost my appetite and my head was just all clogged up. It was rather odd - because until Wednesday i was feeling fine.

Perhaps it was the fact that all the stressful events at work calmed down for the time being and all the pent up tension was being released. Perhaps also was the fact that i have been dealing with some of personal annoyances (people-related) that just got me irritated and stressed out. Perhaps all the long rides have been catching up on me. I have no idea what the real reason is. But then again, for us Fibro patients, we never know what the real reasons are for anything.

I passed out that night pretty early, slept more than 8 hours, only to wake up in the morning (after waking like 4 times during the night) with a pretty strong sensation of shoulder/neck tightness and pain. Now, I haven't had Fibro flareups like this in a WHILE. I'm talking almost a year. It scared the living daylights out of me because my immediate mental response was "my training season is over." Well, i caught myself in my own negative thoughts and shook my head. I was trying to get up, but also realizing that my ankles were achy, and felt hot - not literally hot, but it felt like they were burning. That was another sensation i haven't felt in a while to that degree. It was frustrating.

I had an acupuncture appointment later that morning, fortunately. So instead of going to work first i waited for some of the symptoms to dissipate until i had to leave for my appointment. It wasn't easy. During this time, my mind kept going in and out of negativity and the worst scenarios - my biggest concern was, of course, "did i do myself harm by training? Should i stop?" But it was too early to tell. i could still have the same flare ups without the workouts - and i used to! So I didn't believe in my thoughts - and just got up, dragged myself into the shower (usually helps with pain) and started getting ready for my appointment.

The rest of the day was rough. rough, rough rough. I did have an important meeting that afternoon at work so i had to show up - Acupuncture helped my pain, but i was still feeling so worn out.

I sat in front of my computer, and when i was not working, I was just going through my thoughts and checking out my mind - what have i been thinking lately? Am i being positive? Am i tired (mentally)? What is going on that's causing me the stress, if not the physical stress?

Most of the time, this kind of mental inventory check i find extremely helpful. I was kinda sorta meditating to take any discouraging, annoying or negative thoughts out of my head - no matter what they were or how justified i thought they were. I really believe that 70% or so of my flareups come from my mind - something in my mind triggers the pain switches. I needed to flat out the ripples in my mind...take it easy at work, be happy, be positive, don't stress and just get work done... i kept telling myself.

Towards the end of the day, i was better. I still had to rest the rest of the evening, but I was far better than i was in the morning. Improvement was all i was hoping for.

This morning (Saturday) - i had to forego my long bike ride and went swimming instead. 1,400 meters. slow and steady, over about 46 minutes, including some substantial rests between laps. I was not about pushing myself today. I felt good in the water, and i was happy that i wasn't feeling that head-blurriness i was feeling last week.

Right now I'm just relaxing after cleaning up the house, running some errands and talking to some people. I am happy that i'm back on track, about 90%. Ankles are still a bit achy, but i am just massaging them now. I'm taking my Greenergy, Overdrive tablets and a new herbal powder that my acupuncturist gave me for Fibro. Tomorrow is a long day, hosting a friend's baby shower, so I have to save some energy for myself. It is rather funny that i have to save energy for running errands, but during tough times energy management is everything. This is all a part of living well, despite my limits.

I will not let this incident get to me. I'm going to keep fighting with my mind. I'm going to keep experimenting, I'm going to be smart about this.

Hopefully in two weeks I will find out more about how my training is making me feel. I am sure it will be for the better, overall.