Life has been crazy, but i have NO EXCUSE for not having written anything in almost 3 months! doh! Well, in truth i have been writing a lot of things, but i haven't been posting them...because i felt like so much of it was me whining about my frequent pain and small injuries throughout the course of my half marathon training. I'm sure we are all over that stuff, myself included!
I am writing this to confess something.
Years of triathlon training and racing has made me greedy, and I have mentioned this before. I know that it is in my competitive nature to want to do better every year, and that is probably a good thing, but the bad thing is that I do believe that it has been keeping me from remembering why i really do the things I do.
I have been a bit, actually QUITE a bit stressed out lately about my upcoming Surf City Half Marathon (2/7, Super Bowl Sunday). My goal, when I signed up late last year, was to set a personal record time, as I vowed to heal my injuries and commit to a consistent conditioning and strengthening regimen. I was focused, I trained, I worked on my hip problems, lost some weight, etc... I was doing pretty well. Along the way, as things always do, life got busy and I wasn't able to maintain the training regimen I initially planned on. I also ended up traveling a bit more than i thought and missed out some crucial training weekends, including my last 10 mile training run 3 weeks before race day.
Today, I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes and stressed out about the fact that the easy 30 minute run was NOT too easy for me. I was thinking of not doing the race to save myself from the embrassment of not reaching my goals. I was thinking of still doing the race, but maybe not finishing it and use the race as one of the training runs for my next half marathon in March. i was thinking about a lot of stuff, obviously, but none of them was about actually committing to the race no matter what, and telling myself to just do it.
I came back from the run, and as I was having lunch, my other (probably the better) persona came out of nowhere and punched me in the head - this is not about me, it's about those who can't race! I'm running for those who can't run, i'm going to be in pain, ready or not, for those who are in far worse pain on a daily basis! My head dropped (but i didn't drop my sandwich), and I finally told myself, dang, I just have to do this. I have to finish the 13.1 miles, even it means i have to walk the last 3 miles, or limp the last 2 miles, or whatever. I am going to cross that finish line so that I can cross the finish line for many... Why do i keep forgetting this? I need to write something like this and stick it on my fridge so that I will be reminded every single day - "It's not about me, it's about those that suffer in pain even when they are not running."
Please keep me in your prayers! I will come back with finish line stories!
I have a few more updates and epiphanies - shall be updating about those pretty soon!
God bless you all - and thank you for your inspiration, all of you out there that somehow find my blog and reading about my humble existence! Your encouragement means so much to me!