Wednesday, March 3, 2010
THANK YOU
Keep Trying, keep trying....and wake up one day BETTER!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Finally getting back on the Bike
Saturday, February 13, 2010
We get what we give away - Smile at all times!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Surf City Half Marathon is Tomorrow
I am pretty concerned about my left glute and hip flexor, as they have been feeling very weak these past couple of weeks. I don't think this was one of my best-prepared races, and I missed one crucial week of training (when I was supposed to be at my last peak period), so needless to say I have no idea how I'm going to feel past mile 6. Or maybe 8.
I'm done with the worrying, so let's talk strategy now. I know my hips and glutes are going to take some time get some good blood flowing, so for the first 3-4 miles I'm going to just focus on doing 10 min Run/2 min walk intervals. When I feel more ready, I will try to alternate between 12:00min/mile and 13:00min/mile pace for the next 4 miles. Then for the rest hopefully I will be able to maintain a 13 min/mile pace to finish. Aggressive, but I will start there and see what my body can handle.
The key is to start slow and steady and not rush. It is my race, and I will not keep comparing myself with someone else. I'm slow, and with my inherent structural disadvantage (narrow hip socket, nearing displasia) I'm exposed to more pain. Well, I know that already and I want to overcome my weaknesses and do what I can. I will be proud of myself no matter what, and I will think of those who cannot run even if they want to. I will remember the encouragements from all different places and use them as my mental fuel source. I will not let fear limit me. I will only do my best.
I pray to God to keep me focused on the right things. I pray that I will be grateful no matter what. Besides, great Mexican food waiting for me at Las Barcas after the finish! And I will feel great, yet again after a grueling yet fun race!
Please keep me in your prayers...it is not in my hands to complete this race. I know it is all a blessing.
Go me, and go those with chornic pain - this race is for all of us.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
Monday, February 1, 2010
I am Ashamed of my Laziness! Getting back to Blog Posting...
I am writing this to confess something.
Years of triathlon training and racing has made me greedy, and I have mentioned this before. I know that it is in my competitive nature to want to do better every year, and that is probably a good thing, but the bad thing is that I do believe that it has been keeping me from remembering why i really do the things I do.
I have been a bit, actually QUITE a bit stressed out lately about my upcoming Surf City Half Marathon (2/7, Super Bowl Sunday). My goal, when I signed up late last year, was to set a personal record time, as I vowed to heal my injuries and commit to a consistent conditioning and strengthening regimen. I was focused, I trained, I worked on my hip problems, lost some weight, etc... I was doing pretty well. Along the way, as things always do, life got busy and I wasn't able to maintain the training regimen I initially planned on. I also ended up traveling a bit more than i thought and missed out some crucial training weekends, including my last 10 mile training run 3 weeks before race day.
Today, I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes and stressed out about the fact that the easy 30 minute run was NOT too easy for me. I was thinking of not doing the race to save myself from the embrassment of not reaching my goals. I was thinking of still doing the race, but maybe not finishing it and use the race as one of the training runs for my next half marathon in March. i was thinking about a lot of stuff, obviously, but none of them was about actually committing to the race no matter what, and telling myself to just do it.
I came back from the run, and as I was having lunch, my other (probably the better) persona came out of nowhere and punched me in the head - this is not about me, it's about those who can't race! I'm running for those who can't run, i'm going to be in pain, ready or not, for those who are in far worse pain on a daily basis! My head dropped (but i didn't drop my sandwich), and I finally told myself, dang, I just have to do this. I have to finish the 13.1 miles, even it means i have to walk the last 3 miles, or limp the last 2 miles, or whatever. I am going to cross that finish line so that I can cross the finish line for many... Why do i keep forgetting this? I need to write something like this and stick it on my fridge so that I will be reminded every single day - "It's not about me, it's about those that suffer in pain even when they are not running."
Please keep me in your prayers! I will come back with finish line stories!
I have a few more updates and epiphanies - shall be updating about those pretty soon!
God bless you all - and thank you for your inspiration, all of you out there that somehow find my blog and reading about my humble existence! Your encouragement means so much to me!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Am I Ashamed of my Fibromyalgia Symptoms?
This morning, I woke up with sharp pains in my lower back and glutes, and heavy feelings all around my body, especially my legs. I pushed myself to get up and moved around a bit, but it was impossible to loosen up my muscles. I went for a walk hoping to walk the tightness off, but instead I felt fatigued, which shortly after I fell hard into my bed and didn’t get up for the next five hours.
I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary this weekend when it comes to training. I ran 4 miles on Saturday followed by conditioning work, then on Sunday I was on the bike trainer for an hour at moderate intensity. I did yoga afterwards. I did have a few weeks of long work hours leading up to it, perhaps sitting for long hours for weeks did it for me at the end…but regardless of what the real reason was, I was frustrated.
I have been in a new relationship this past couple of months. I have to say, having fibromyalgia and managing a relationship is tougher than I thought. I have laid out my condition from the get go and I know he knows that I have it, but I know for sure he doesn’t have a clear idea as to what is entailed in it. I am so outgoing and energetic and active normally it is difficult for anyone to imagine me completely helpless in bed, completely shut down from my world. But that is the world that I have to face, and unfortunately the person in my life has to face it too...eventually. Now that, people, I have been having a really tough time with. I never want to expose myself to my significant other when I am weak, I only feel comfortable with my strong side. It is a silly kind of pride, I know. But to be blunt I have no idea how to deal with this kind of situation without making either myself or the other person potentially really uncomfortable.
So today, over the phone, I had to totally muster up all my energy to sound chirpy despite the pain and discomfort, as I was too worried about how he would feel about me being completely helpless and useless all day. He asked me if I needed anything – I said no, it’s just my every day thing, I’m used to it, bla bla bla… I could not get myself to say, yes, it would help me greatly if you could come by and help me have some water and eat some food, cuz I’ve been just starving all day long. But no, I had to sound in control and the last thing I wanted was for him to think that my condition could turn me into a weak person. Not that I think he would think that way, but it is my stupid ego to always wear the image of a strong person – because I am! Vulnerability is not my element…which ends up hurting me at the end.
But then I thought – why am I so cryptic and silent about the fact that I still have fibromyalgia symptoms, especially when I’m actually having them – am I ashamed? I am certainly proud of my accomplishments within the confines of my conditions – in fact I am grateful for being able to do more than I or anybody else had told me I could do. But what about my weaker side, am I proud of it? Perhaps I have been constantly touting my strong side and what I’ve accomplished, but been hiding my weak side, because, I was shameful of it? I am shameful of the weakness in me, when it was this very weakness that made me strong?
I know there is a balance in this life that I have to find – while pursuing my health by doing the things I do, I need to accept myself as someone that can be very weak and need others’ help from time to time. I only recently opened up to my closest friends to help me when I’m vulnerable, so I know it is going to take me some serious amount of time to let anyone new in my life to understand me and let that person see my vulnerable side. It is harder than I imagined. I really care about this person, so while I want to make sure I don’t overwhelm him with what I have, I would also be fooling him if I only showed my strong, energetic and strong side. But for now, I will admit I do still feel comfortable with my strong side…for now. In the mean time, I have to learn how to be vulnerable without feeling like I have to hide under my bed.
I shouldn’t have to feel shameful for my symptoms. It’s something I need to embrace, not merely cover up with my training and racing. I am not in denial of the fact that I have fibromyalgia, perhaps I never wanted it to rule my life anymore, but I do need to accept it a little more and embrace the fact that I have my condition…but be more proud of the fact that I’m working hard to overcome it.