Surf City Half Marathon is Tomorrow

I'm waiting to get my oil change and starting to gather my thoughts together to prepare for tomorrow's half marathon. The day before a race is always nerve-wracking, and what I think and how I spend my day determines how I am going to do tomorrow.

I am pretty concerned about my left glute and hip flexor, as they have been feeling very weak these past couple of weeks. I don't think this was one of my best-prepared races, and I missed one crucial week of training (when I was supposed to be at my last peak period), so needless to say I have no idea how I'm going to feel past mile 6. Or maybe 8.

I'm done with the worrying, so let's talk strategy now. I know my hips and glutes are going to take some time get some good blood flowing, so for the first 3-4 miles I'm going to just focus on doing 10 min Run/2 min walk intervals. When I feel more ready, I will try to alternate between 12:00min/mile and 13:00min/mile pace for the next 4 miles. Then for the rest hopefully I will be able to maintain a 13 min/mile pace to finish. Aggressive, but I will start there and see what my body can handle.

The key is to start slow and steady and not rush. It is my race, and I will not keep comparing myself with someone else. I'm slow, and with my inherent structural disadvantage (narrow hip socket, nearing displasia) I'm exposed to more pain. Well, I know that already and I want to overcome my weaknesses and do what I can. I will be proud of myself no matter what, and I will think of those who cannot run even if they want to. I will remember the encouragements from all different places and use them as my mental fuel source. I will not let fear limit me. I will only do my best.

I pray to God to keep me focused on the right things. I pray that I will be grateful no matter what. Besides, great Mexican food waiting for me at Las Barcas after the finish! And I will feel great, yet again after a grueling yet fun race!

Please keep me in your prayers...it is not in my hands to complete this race. I know it is all a blessing.

Go me, and go those with chornic pain - this race is for all of us.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

I am Ashamed of my Laziness! Getting back to Blog Posting...

Life has been crazy, but i have NO EXCUSE for not having written anything in almost 3 months! doh! Well, in truth i have been writing a lot of things, but i haven't been posting them...because i felt like so much of it was me whining about my frequent pain and small injuries throughout the course of my half marathon training. I'm sure we are all over that stuff, myself included!

I am writing this to confess something.

Years of triathlon training and racing has made me greedy, and I have mentioned this before. I know that it is in my competitive nature to want to do better every year, and that is probably a good thing, but the bad thing is that I do believe that it has been keeping me from remembering why i really do the things I do.

I have been a bit, actually QUITE a bit stressed out lately about my upcoming Surf City Half Marathon (2/7, Super Bowl Sunday). My goal, when I signed up late last year, was to set a personal record time, as I vowed to heal my injuries and commit to a consistent conditioning and strengthening regimen. I was focused, I trained, I worked on my hip problems, lost some weight, etc... I was doing pretty well. Along the way, as things always do, life got busy and I wasn't able to maintain the training regimen I initially planned on. I also ended up traveling a bit more than i thought and missed out some crucial training weekends, including my last 10 mile training run 3 weeks before race day.

Today, I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes and stressed out about the fact that the easy 30 minute run was NOT too easy for me. I was thinking of not doing the race to save myself from the embrassment of not reaching my goals. I was thinking of still doing the race, but maybe not finishing it and use the race as one of the training runs for my next half marathon in March. i was thinking about a lot of stuff, obviously, but none of them was about actually committing to the race no matter what, and telling myself to just do it.

I came back from the run, and as I was having lunch, my other (probably the better) persona came out of nowhere and punched me in the head - this is not about me, it's about those who can't race! I'm running for those who can't run, i'm going to be in pain, ready or not, for those who are in far worse pain on a daily basis! My head dropped (but i didn't drop my sandwich), and I finally told myself, dang, I just have to do this. I have to finish the 13.1 miles, even it means i have to walk the last 3 miles, or limp the last 2 miles, or whatever. I am going to cross that finish line so that I can cross the finish line for many... Why do i keep forgetting this? I need to write something like this and stick it on my fridge so that I will be reminded every single day - "It's not about me, it's about those that suffer in pain even when they are not running."

Please keep me in your prayers! I will come back with finish line stories!

I have a few more updates and epiphanies - shall be updating about those pretty soon!

God bless you all - and thank you for your inspiration, all of you out there that somehow find my blog and reading about my humble existence! Your encouragement means so much to me!

Am I Ashamed of my Fibromyalgia Symptoms?

This morning, I woke up with sharp pains in my lower back and glutes, and heavy feelings all around my body, especially my legs. I pushed myself to get up and moved around a bit, but it was impossible to loosen up my muscles. I went for a walk hoping to walk the tightness off, but instead I felt fatigued, which shortly after I fell hard into my bed and didn’t get up for the next five hours.

I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary this weekend when it comes to training. I ran 4 miles on Saturday followed by conditioning work, then on Sunday I was on the bike trainer for an hour at moderate intensity. I did yoga afterwards. I did have a few weeks of long work hours leading up to it, perhaps sitting for long hours for weeks did it for me at the end…but regardless of what the real reason was, I was frustrated.

I have been in a new relationship this past couple of months. I have to say, having fibromyalgia and managing a relationship is tougher than I thought. I have laid out my condition from the get go and I know he knows that I have it, but I know for sure he doesn’t have a clear idea as to what is entailed in it. I am so outgoing and energetic and active normally it is difficult for anyone to imagine me completely helpless in bed, completely shut down from my world. But that is the world that I have to face, and unfortunately the person in my life has to face it too...eventually. Now that, people, I have been having a really tough time with. I never want to expose myself to my significant other when I am weak, I only feel comfortable with my strong side. It is a silly kind of pride, I know. But to be blunt I have no idea how to deal with this kind of situation without making either myself or the other person potentially really uncomfortable.

So today, over the phone, I had to totally muster up all my energy to sound chirpy despite the pain and discomfort, as I was too worried about how he would feel about me being completely helpless and useless all day. He asked me if I needed anything – I said no, it’s just my every day thing, I’m used to it, bla bla bla… I could not get myself to say, yes, it would help me greatly if you could come by and help me have some water and eat some food, cuz I’ve been just starving all day long. But no, I had to sound in control and the last thing I wanted was for him to think that my condition could turn me into a weak person. Not that I think he would think that way, but it is my stupid ego to always wear the image of a strong person – because I am! Vulnerability is not my element…which ends up hurting me at the end.

But then I thought – why am I so cryptic and silent about the fact that I still have fibromyalgia symptoms, especially when I’m actually having them – am I ashamed? I am certainly proud of my accomplishments within the confines of my conditions – in fact I am grateful for being able to do more than I or anybody else had told me I could do. But what about my weaker side, am I proud of it? Perhaps I have been constantly touting my strong side and what I’ve accomplished, but been hiding my weak side, because, I was shameful of it? I am shameful of the weakness in me, when it was this very weakness that made me strong?

I know there is a balance in this life that I have to find – while pursuing my health by doing the things I do, I need to accept myself as someone that can be very weak and need others’ help from time to time. I only recently opened up to my closest friends to help me when I’m vulnerable, so I know it is going to take me some serious amount of time to let anyone new in my life to understand me and let that person see my vulnerable side. It is harder than I imagined. I really care about this person, so while I want to make sure I don’t overwhelm him with what I have, I would also be fooling him if I only showed my strong, energetic and strong side. But for now, I will admit I do still feel comfortable with my strong side…for now. In the mean time, I have to learn how to be vulnerable without feeling like I have to hide under my bed.

I shouldn’t have to feel shameful for my symptoms. It’s something I need to embrace, not merely cover up with my training and racing. I am not in denial of the fact that I have fibromyalgia, perhaps I never wanted it to rule my life anymore, but I do need to accept it a little more and embrace the fact that I have my condition…but be more proud of the fact that I’m working hard to overcome it.

Half Marathon Training begins TODAY

Signed up for another half marathon in February. The Surf City Half Marathon on Super Bowl Sunday. This year's goal is to really finish it without any stopping or walking. Run the entire race, injury-free. THAT IS MY GOAL.

First day of training today - easy 30 minutes run. Warmed up for a good 10 minutes leading up to it. Kept it at 12 min/mile pace, slowing down a little towards the end at some inclines. It was pretty tiring!

Today, right hip flexor is struggling, so is my lower back. One of those days. but I still ran. Feels worse when i'm sitting. Once again, WE ARE NOT MADE TO BE SITTING ALL DAY IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER. We are supposed to be moving.

More specific training plans to come. I have some serious conditioning regimes to follow in addition to the running plans. This I know will keep me from being injured again and again and again...

Also contemplating on a Full Aquabike race in July 2010, basically it's a full Ironman triathlon race without the full Marathon - 2.4 mile swim and 112 mile bike. It should be a great prelude to a full ironman the following year. I know it's weird, but this stuff excites me, I have something to look forward to and work hard for!!!

God bless*

Bike Accident, and Malibu Triathlon – my attitude killed my joy, and I paid for it!

I haven’t written in a while – not only have I been busy with work since the end of my first half ironman, but a lot has happened and I have been trying to make sense out of it. I think I can finally look back and make sense out of all that has been happening as I organize my head.
First, shortly after the exhilarating high of the half ironman race, I started feeling a little down and got extremely bored of the day to day life – it was as if I didn’t know what to do with myself now that everything I’ve worked for all year was over and done with. Still, I wanted to maintain my fitness level by continuing to do weekend rides and ocean swims, etc… then about month ago something happened that shattered what was left of my desire to keep up with my training.

I was riding north going to meet my friend on the Pacific Coast Highway, near Zuma beach. This was mid August. There was construction in that area, which I was not aware of – neither were there any signs up saying there was a re-pavement construction going on….all of a sudden I find myself riding on a seriously ripped up bike lane – bumps and cracks everywhere, and I can feel the bumps and gyration in my arms…there were several more people on the road, and especially this one woman ahead of me, maneuvered pretty well through the bumps that I just kept focusing on following the path she went on to avoid falling into the cracks. I was getting pretty scared and tired of all the shaking, and the moment I let go of my alert and wanted to just stop, that is when my wheel got caught between the cracks and then…from what I can remember, I felt myself float into the air, rotating, along with the bike (my feet attached to the clips, so my bike and I were one, good or bad), then falling straight on to the ground, with a big thump on my head. The minute I fell, I looked around to see where I was – I fell into the middle of the road (survival alert!). I looked around to see if there was a car coming my way, and yes, there was..(note, PCH speed limit: 50, which means people go at least 55 mph)…a big black Mercedes…I started dragging myself (still attached to the bike) back on the bike lane…on my butt (bike still attached to my feet), I almost remember literally bouncing off my butt into the bike lane…how did I do that? Anyway, I was watching that big black Mercedes slow down right in front of me as I was doing all this…thank God, really, the driver was able to slow down. He pulled over and came out of his car to check if I was ok. I thanked him profusely for being able to slow down. What you will read will surprise you – he said that he was able to stop only because he was already slowing down to watch another person fall on the other side of the road! There were at least 4 accidents that day that I witnessed, and there were about 20 in total as reported. Fortunately my friend found me and he drove me to the ER and I got a CT scan on my head and xray on my right shoulder – everything was fine. I was so thankful for being alive and not having any serious damage.

On the other hand, my emotional side was not doing so well. For weeks I couldn’t get rid of the visual of the black car coming towards me that could have killed me. I avoided getting on the bike for weeks, and my desire to train and continue on with my efforts pretty much went to zero, from what was already at low levels. My right shoulder was tight and my right hip was definitely not doing very well. Head and neck pain came and went for weeks. All these things gave me great excuses to build on my already withering eagerness and passion for the one thing that has been keeping me alive – my training.

It was the end of August soon and then came the first week of September, and I had the Malibu Sprint Triathlon just around the corner on 9/13. I’d maybe gone on two ocean swims and done a few short runs. Maybe I got on the bike trainer once. But most of the days I was either nursing my tight injured areas or just doing pilates or yoga to loosen up my joints. I didn’t want to train, and I definitely did not want to do this upcoming Sprint race. I just didn’t want to do it. But I also knew deep inside that I had to do it, especially because it was a fundraiser for the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles.

Race day morming comes around, I'm still bitter that I had to get up at 430am for a short race. I mean, I was setting myself up for a bad race. If it hadn't been for Detra who carpooled with me and my other friends that met me there, there was NO WAY i would have even gotten up on time. It didn't help that when we got there there was already massive traffic and it was nearly impossible to park to get to the transition site on time to set up for the race. We parked alongside the road and just biked to the race site.

Long story short, I had one of the most unhappy races in the 5 years of my triathlon experience. I was sluggish from beginning to end, and I really did not feel much joy except for when I got out of the ocean. I had all the reasons to be proud of the fact that I survived the swim in Zuma beach, since I had been putting off doing the Malibu Triathlon all these years for the exact reason that I was too scared to face the unpredictable waves there. I killed it and I did well! But no, i didn't even think about it, all i thought about was that I wasn't up for doing this race.

With that attitude, even recovery was bad. I was sore all over for days, after a sprint! I recovered nicely after a half ironman not too long ago, granted I was very well trained that time, but still I do think my whole bitter attitude delayed my recovery.

What have i become? I started wondering why I was not feeling the usual joy - I understand, the accident shook me up a little and I was coming down from an immense high of completing a half ironman, but mang, I was just the biggest sour patch!

Now as I look back, I am realizing that I got spoiled. I lost my gratitude. I forgot WHY I was racing. I forgot that even two years ago I was not able to race without training diligently for it no matter how short of a race it was - now i'm at a fitness level where I can still race (albeit poorly) without much training and recover decently without severe consequences. I have dozens of reasons to be grateful for and continue to race with a smile no matter what! I became arrogant and foolish, and I apologize to those who cannot race because of the pain, that i have momentarily forgotten you. I let this whole half ironman experience and the accident get to my head.

I vow never to have such a sour attitude when it comes to training and racing! I mean, I love this stuff!!!!!

I definitely learned my lesson. In triathlons and in life, we walk into situations where we just don't feel like doing things, no matter how important they are to us. We can easily find excuses that back up our negative feelings about them too. So we allow ourselves to forget what got us there, what made us who we are, and most importantly where we are going. I almost let myself let go of everything i've worked for just because I got into a bad accident. I took my time getting over it, and gave myself every excuse in the book to delay a rebound. Eventually I even didn't want to do the race that brought me the joy and recovery of my health for the past 5 years. Once we lose our gratitude, excitement and the vision to go forward, we lose sight of the big picture and then..we get lost. Being positive is most of the time a choice we have to make and renew every day. It just doesn't come naturally all the time. However, it is that positive attitude and fortitute to move forward is what drives us to be better, live better and laugh a little more, so we have to choose to be positive and happy. Happiness is a choice.

Let's keep our joy alive by renewing our positive attitude every day.

Recovering, Resting...and Working

Not much to report since the race... I've recovered fairly well, actually let me not be ungrateful here, I've recovered miraculously well, been doing yoga, pilates, some mountain bike rides, some walks here and there, some ocean swims...and as it is the busy season at work, been working like crazy. The long hours of working have been bit of a burden on me, as sitting still for prolonged hours are stiffening up my hips beyond what my pain levels can tolerate. But work is work and I have to manage.

Seriously, on the recovery part...except for the day after the race, overall fatigue level was minimal. It was a shocking experience but of course an AWESOME feeling - hip pain was bearable the day or two after the race, but it actually got pretty bad for several days after that. I have no idea why that is, but I supposed it's a part of delayed muscle fatigue after an event like that. Just managed with a lot of self-massaging and conditioning exercises.

Here's what i think helped me recover pretty well after the race:
1. Nutrition/fueling DURING the race - my fueling during the race was like clock work, every hour for clif bars, trail mix bars, clif bloks, gels, etc..., and I drank Perpetuum as my drink supplement (Hammer Nutrition makes these - basically a meal supplement energy drink mix...amazing stuff). All this not only helped me get thru the race but I am sure it contributed a lot to faster muscle recovery

2. Recoverite right after the race - i packed double servings of Recoverite (also from Hammer, no i'm not sponsored by them) to drink after the race. I found this extremely effective over Endurox or Accelerate and other recovery drinks out there. Trust me, i've tried pretty much everything. It has Glutamine in it, which speeds up muscle recovery.

3. Eating a lot of protein and fats after the race. Protein for muscle recovery, and fats (good fats, like almonds, avocado, etc) for minimizing inflammation. And they also taste great after a race (well, anything does).

4. Icing/ cold water and hot tub: i went back and forth between the pool and the hot tub at the hotel when i got back from the race site. Reduce inflammation (cold) and increase blood flow (hot). I also iced my hips in the middle of the night (cuz it was hurting, but i didn't ignore it!)

5. Next day - continue to eat lean protein, fats and a good portion of carbohydrates. drink a ton of water to flush out the toxins.

6. Keep moving - while no specific exercise is necessary, i made sure i wasn't sitting or lying still - i kept moving around, walking, etc to keep my muscles moving. You can't stay still and stiffen up your muscles all of a sudden after an intense race like that, it would be too sudden of a halt for your muscles!

7. Enjoy the victory! Smile, be happy, really revisit the race and the amazing experience and live off that high! Share your story with others and multiply the joy!

after two weeks of mellowing out on the training, I think i'm sort of back to wanting to train again...nothing intense, just for a sprint race coming up in 3 weeks in Malibu. It's for a great cause, raising money for the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles.

Time to go back to work! Lots to do....

Photos from Half Ironman

Pre-race events photos:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=132060&id=678347111&l=cd27050a07

Race Day photos:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=132592&id=678347111&l=75b0eed7a7

Enjoy!