Sunday, March 25, 2012

An Uninspiring Update

Interesting.  A few days ago, an old friend reminded me that I should update my blog.  I replied to his suggestion by saying "when I start training again."

Today it hit me - ok, what a lame answer.  

Training or not, I'm still living with fibro and living darn well.  The problem is, that my ankle has still been in severe pain. 

The update since my last entry in November is that...basically, as I increased my minutes running, after 14 minutes run/1-2 walk intervals, my ankles started burning up again.  I could not sleep all night at times.  I thought my ankles caught on fire.  I massaged them, did strengthening workouts as prescribed, I rested them, I did gradual exercise buildup, I did and tried everything... but I was in such excruciating pain that I couldn't stay lying down or sitting for more than 20 minutes' time.  So it was concluded that it can't be just some exercise-related injury.  Something else is going on.  

So I haven't ran since...early January.  I went on the eliptical.  That has been ok.  Still some pain, but a lot less - and I have prescription strength ibuprofen for my bad days.  

The lack of training and the absence of any future racing plans made me feel like I shouldn't exist as the writer of this blog.  I stopped writing.  I felt rather ashamed.  

But as the owner of this blog, I realized today that I had to continue writing.  And today, I am writing about not having been able to train and therefore not even daring to be able to plan on a race.  However, I do not feel so ashamed - anymore.  I feel rather at peace, because I am starting to think that this is part of the process.  Ups and downs, good days and bad days - a season to race, a season to rest.  I titled this as Uninspiring, but I was being sarcastic - I hope that my lack of inspiration is somewhat inspiring - because I have accepted my present reality of just...waiting for the tides to come back.  Every day, I am just thankful that it hurts less than before.  I get on the eliptical and hit the hill profile for 30 minutes.  I do some strengthening exercises and walk to and from work.  I do what I can.  I hope and pray that I can race one day.  I still dream, but I'm praying harder.  I do what I can.  

What I am most thankful about this process is that through my pain and limitations I am learning about some of you that are not able to be as active as you'd like right now, and how you might be feeling.  I can understand the frustration a little better, and I can empathize when you feel like giving up, because it's just been so darn long.  But please, let's not give up.  We do what we can now, and I know that soon we will be ready to move again when our hearts are really ready in the midst of peace, with more gratitude, more excitement and yet with more humility.  

This ankle issue started February of last year - this kind of strong, persistent pain is a first in my life. But i know for some of you, this kind of debilitating and persistent pain is what you're familiar with.  I was starting to get really tired of it.  I was starting to just get cranky about it - then finally today, I was able to think about those I couldn't understand before because I had never experienced it.  Now I do.  And that makes me grateful, because I only pray that I can start writing on behalf of those who are still struggling to overcome the pain.  So I plan on overcoming the pain together, with you.  I have a higher focus.  And I am grateful for it.

14 comments:

Graceful Lady said...

Great to have you back in the blogosphere. I know one of my greatest challenges came when I made the choice to stop running or rather my body told me that was the smart choice to make. Yoga has transformed my life in so many ways Minnie. I feel so much better now that I no longer struggle in my body. And how I loved the running community and went through a grieving process but found as you know one door closes and a window opens wide. There are some awesome yoga studios in San Fran. Ping me at maryamcmanus@gmail.com and I'll send you info if you are interested. Perhaps we'll roll out our mats together when we come out to San Fran. ps my husband is nursing an injury right now so his starting status is questionable but we are hoping for the best. You are the embodiment of love, light, strength and courage. xoxo

Tricie said...

You have prescription meds, so you've seen a doctor about your ankle? Do they have nothing to offer other than, "well, you have fibromyalgia...." It's been a year for crying out loud! One spot and a year.

madmomfour said...

I am also trainging for my 1st sprint triathlon and I do have occasional flare-ups. I've found that following a yeast-free diet has helped me substantially over the years when exercising. I follow Dr. Semon's Yeast Free diet (book is at Amazon)and it's helped immensely - Good luck!

Orin said...

That is amazing that you have fibromyalgia and you can still be a triathlete! I guess, you are right, if you can do it, other people can too.

Here's a link to some info on fibromyalgia and sleep --

http://www.latexmattress.org/latex-and-medical-conditions/fibromyalgia.php

Tiffany said...

I have been following your blog since you started, and when you were able to run and train, I wasn't. So I lived vicariously through you, and at times, was angry because you made it seem so much easier than what I was struggling with. But I know that we each have our own demons to deal with, and now I'm sad that you are going through this ankle problem. I too have not been running much since January, in all honesty, probably since October! Life, fibro and RA have gotten in my way, but the one thing I realized as I went for a run yesterday was how much I truly missed it! The freedom, the smells, the sights, the just being one with your body, no matter how hard the fight is...and it's hard. I say that because this morning nothing in my body works right :( Damn run, damn down hills! But I was so thankful to be able to go yesterday....I hope that you can get out again soon, I hope that the meds help, and that you have great support around you! You inspire so many people with your blog, dont stop just because you think you arent' trainging anymore, and shouldn't write. We all support each other in different ways, if you need to lean on those that follow you online, I'm sure we'd all love to be the shoulders for you for once :)

Tiffany said...

I meant what I said Minnie, if you want to lean on me, I know what you are going thru, how hard it is to train with this damn disease, and how hard it is to give up, or take a break, or fight with the pain, sometimes you just need a break, a good break, and someone to boost you up, someone you know who understands. I've been there, worked thru it, and now am going thru it again :( But, I am NOT giving up, I'm too damn stubborn, I hate to lose :) So I'm trying to push thru the pain, the tiredness, the lack of V02, that's just from lack of exercise. Some things I can fix, some things just are....so I guess what I'm trying to say is, you're not alone, I always felt like I was alone, and it's hard... to be an athlete, to fight the normal demons, plus our own special ones...you're not alone Minnie, you have me :)
Tiffany
you can email me
porsche_grl_99@hotmail.com

Dar said...

You should keep writing. This is the life we lead. Our bodies seem not our own. Sometimes you can do great things and then...
Like two weeks ago, I tripped broke a finger...and everything got so much more difficult. I don't need some to be a shinning example...I just need to know I am not alone.

Dar said...

You should keep writing. This is the life we lead. Our bodies seem not our own. Sometimes you can do great things and then...
Like two weeks ago, I tripped broke a finger...and everything got so much more difficult. I don't need some to be a shinning example...I just need to know I am not alone.

David Haas said...

Hello,
I have a question about your blog, do you think you could email me?
David

Unknown said...

To All Who Suffer:
I was diagnosed with Fibro last year after being bedridden for a month and suffering from excruciating pain which was unrelieved by any meds. I'm in my 30's a mother, a teacher, a wife. Things got so bad I had to quit my job. I had pain everywhere. Couldn't drive, couldn't watch TV, couldn't even read...sometimes even talking was painful.

The meds and the diagnosis made me horribly depressed. You all know this feeling.

I'm here to tell you there is a way out. I haven't felt ANY pain for over one month...the longest, by far, I have ever gone without a flare-up or just normal day-to-day pains. My life, my brain, and my energy are back and I had it bad.

My brother-in-law gave me a book, The Divided Mind by Dr. John Sarno ( see Amazon) it has saved me. Chapter four has his protocol for healing these types of disorders ( pain with no organic reason for being). YOU CAN HEAL YOURSELF!!!! No, I'm not on crack. I had every test, seen way too many docotors only to be told this is it and this is my life...good luck. I'm not a quitter. I think most of us with Fibro. are type A people...don't give up on yourself or on the idea of being free.

I have told everyone I've met with this diagnose to read this book. Fibro. is on the first page. It will AMAZE you!!! (No, I don't get anything from the author.) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read it!!!

I'm actually tearing up right now because of how much it has changed my life. It is possible. You can be free. DO NOT ACCEPT what rheumatologists tell you. They claim they are experts in this disorder but they literally know nothing about it: no causes, and honestly, no treatments... just trial and error. I don't know about you, but that isn't good enough for me.

It is your body, your future, your choice. READ IT!!!!!!!!!

Your mind is a powerful thing...use it and take back control.

Jessical Alba said...

ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DONE FOR MY DAUGHTER?
My daughter suffered from fibromyalgia for more than 12 years which we started experiencing in her when she turned 8 year and 5 months we all thought it will end but got even worse as days went by. We tried all several treatments and therapy prescribed by various doctors we met but to no avail, she always complain of joint stiffness, and have difficulty falling asleep. She usually tells me she feeling tired. This were steady disorder that disrupted her entire life, even at night she slept less because of this.It was during a casual conversation with a friend that i learned about Dr Williams herbal medicine I was able to contact him on his email address. and give him all the necessary information that he needed,few day later he sent me the herbal portion and his medicine was able to restore her back to normal and she is very okay now without any side effects whatsoever. If you have fibromyalgia, do not hesitate to contact him on drwilliams098765@gmail.com for advice and for his product. I hope this also helps someone out there

karen dish said...

WOW ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS I HAVE NEVER BELIEVE IN HERBAL REMEDIES.
my son have been a patient of fibromyalgia . I had tried a lot of anti viral med prescribed to me by doctors over how many years now but I could not see any improvements in my son symptoms. One day while going through the internet , i got to know about this great Herbal Dr who uses his herbal remedies in curing people from fibromyalgia ,quickly i contacted him and he prepared a herbal medication for my son which i received and he used it as instructed by dr williams. After few weeks the improvement were very visible. the chronic muscle pain and the tightness of the joint stopped, I would really recommend this to all my friends,families,around the globe suffering from fibromyalgia.you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com.for advice and for his product ,his a good man and am very happy to give this testimony.

Jessical Alba said...

ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DONE FOR MY DAUGHTER?
My daughter suffered from fibromyalgia for more than 12 years which we started experiencing in her when she turned 8 year and 5 months we all thought it will end but got even worse as days went by. We tried all several treatments and therapy prescribed by various doctors we met but to no avail, she always complain of joint stiffness, and have difficulty falling asleep. She usually tells me she feeling tired. This were steady disorder that disrupted her entire life, even at night she slept less because of this.It was during a casual conversation with a friend that i learned about Dr Williams herbal medicine I was able to contact him on his email address. and give him all the necessary information that he needed,few day later he sent me the herbal portion and his medicine was able to restore her back to normal and she is very okay now without any side effects whatsoever. If you have fibromyalgia, do not hesitate to contact him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product. I hope this also helps someone out there

NITA said...

Dear FRIENDS,
now i have a beautiful smiling face and so are which you all, after reading my testimony. My name is Nita, I am 31 years old,
And live with my boyfriend in Belgium, but I am UK. I have been diagnosed with Fibromalgia since 2012, which the Doctors told me this condition was forever. I know how you feel and what you are going through, I don't have a baby though. I just want to tell you that I am cured now,with the help of doctor Williams herbal medication, the last time I can remember having Fibromalgia was October this year. It was a long and difficult process but I am so thankful to dr williams I don't have it anymore. Please know you can be cured too. Accept what happened and is happening to you, forgive, let the past go, love yourself and others unconditionally and be thankful. Everything happens for a reason. If you want to be in contact with dr williams and share your own testimony and thoughts feel free to e-mail him on; drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product.