Today, however, I have to say my neck and shoulders are really feeling it (cycling can really stiffen the neck and shoulder area, as you can imagine), and the intensity of the workouts had me a bit knocked down today. it is bit frustrating, but i don't feel as bad for some reason. I do have a feeling that I will be able to get up early tomorrow for a 4-mile run and then 5 trips up the Santa Monica stairs (great glute and cardiovascular workout!). Let's just hope I can do it!
Just had a healthy pasta and salad dinner - with chicken, artichokes, olives, avocados, zucchini, fresh basil and baby spinach. It was delicious!
I'm struggling with trying to figure out why i'm having rather frequent flare-ups lately, but i also know that this happens in cycles...when i am having irregular sleep, get frequently stressed out and also after a prolonged period of intense workouts. So i have all the reasons to be feeling fatigued, but at the same time I know i have to do a better job sleeping more regularly. I kinda broke my steady cycle. I need to be more disciplined.
Today is one of those days I had to just accept that sometimes I have to just rest and do nothing no matter how frustrating it is, while still dreaming about training again very soon. There are so many things I want to do (and I NEED to do) in my mind, and i'm so eager...so when I'm physically limited to do them, I tend to get very angry and down on myself. I mean...why should i let it get to me, i have to react less strongly to my unfavorable symptoms, so that i can get out of it faster. This week was tough, after last weekend's strong flareups, because I really let myself fall into the trap of feeling awful for my condition. Sometimes I feel so small and useless, in the face of all the responsibilities I have and the duties I must complete every day. I feel the world closing in on me, and I want to shut down from everything and everyone....I become a totally different person. And i hate it. It takes a couple of days to snap out of that emotional trap, but I really need to work on not letting myself fall so hard like that to begin with! What an emotional turmoil, which totally is unimaginable when I'm not feeling that way! Fibromyalgia is so complex in that sense - there is the physical side, and then there is the mental and emotional side that can really overwhelm us and in effect worsen the pain we're feeling.
I know I am a healthy, happy and loving person. I also need to believe better that I am a good person, I work hard and that I deserve to be loved - healthy and weak. My self-imposed pressure to be perfect...can be my worst enemy. Accept myself. Accept EVERYTHING about myself...that might just be the most important thing for me to do in order to be strong against Fibromyalgia.
Life goes on, I have another half marathon 3/27, then have Escape to Alcatraz Triathlon on 5/2. I have to start swimming again soon! Lots to do, Lots to brave... please wish me luck! I need to stay focused and determined to keep training no matter what happens.