Saturday, July 9, 2011

I'm Not Like Them...and That is the Point

No wonder my heart has been so burdened.  No wonder I've been fatigued, dreaded and heavy in my spirit.  I wasn't being myself, but I have been relentlessly trying to be like others.


Around me, there are some seriously strong riders.  They can do super hilly and long distance rides whenever they decide to, and even do so two days in a row, and suffer no consequences other than the expected soreness.  I, know from experience, that I have to go by the gradual progression of adding mileage and hills in order to get to a certain point.  If not, the consequences would be (and have been) dire.  


When I was training for the Gran Fondo LA (6/26), I had that sudden right foot injury after my first 65 mile/hilly ride.  Since then my foot (actually both feet at this point) have never been the same.  Some of my friends were able to go on another long and even hillier ride the next day.  And they boasted that the post-ride soreness was actually minimal.  Wow - envy.  


Last weekend while I was still trying to ramp back up from the injury, another friend of mine did 80 miles and thought even that wasn't enough for the Vineman Aquabike race (Swim 2.4 miles, Bike 112 miles) coming up, so wanted to 90 miles this morning.  I couldn't even do 40 miles last week because of my foot.  I knew I had no choice and I was ok with it, until I compared myself to my friends.  Discouragement.  Feeling kinda like a loser.


So, with my ego bruised, I told my friend that I'd do the 90 mile ride with her, as a pathetic attempt to redeem myself.  And the ride is today.  I have been up since 445am, getting geared up and ready.  It's 607am right now.  What am I doing writing this?


I crumbled.  I had to admit, after all the pondering, wondering and getting frustrated - that my heart is not in the right place.  That is the reason for all the internal fighting.  Usually, rides like this excite me, and I'm all pumped up for it.  Today, my heart is just NOT in it - not because I don't like riding anymore, not because I want to quit, but because for a while now I have been driven by my ego and envy, but not my heart.  Where is my hope?  Why am I doing this?  Didn't I say I'd do 90 miles because I wanted to feel better about myself?  Because I wanted to feel less like a loser compared to my friends who have been ramping up faster than I have?  


Comparing myself to others... is a dangerous motivator.  In fact, it is not a motivator - it is a source of discouragement and self degradation, ending up in both mental and physical fatigue.  I'm not rationally thinking about my physical status and what I can do given the reality, which actually results in going beyond my perceived limits.  Instead, I'm looking at others, wanting to be like others, then discovering how I am NOT like others, then just shutting myself away from achieving any untapped potential whatsoever - because then I am no longer driven by my heart, but my ego.  Such a tremendous attempt at one's best can never come from ego or envy.  It really is the heart that comes from the bigger purpose of the action itself, which, to me, is to share with YOU that we can do things, and that we are not victims.  I didn't think of YOU, but I thought of ME, comparing myself with people who are not me, and definitely not like you and me.  


As a result, I have fallen victim to my own ego that just kept feeling bad for not being like others.  Is there a worse kind of failure than this?


Such is the fight against our pain.  This fight, has to be a positive, heart-driven fight.  In every step we make, we must rather feel the JOY of improvement and excitement for new experiences, not the feeling of not being good enough because some are doing better than others.  I hope that I did not discourage some of you via my recent efforts.  I only say this because I have been so focusing on my achievements, not the process.  So if you're walking around the block and you read about me bragging about my 65 miles ride without the context behind it, then how would that make you feel?  I apologize for that!


It's 630am.  I am going to go on my own ride, at the pace I want and to the length of time I feel comfortable with.  Then maybe I will go for a run - at my pace, up to my desired distance.  And be grateful for what I can do, and who I am.  By comparing myself to others over the past couple of months, I have rejected myself.  No wonder I wasn't enjoying this process - I wasn't even enjoying my own body!  


Let's just accept myself, and remember that only I can be me, and that I am unique, and I have everything I need to be who I am...and just keep improving from where I am.   That is gratitude, and when you are at peace with that, God pours us with more blessings to our open and available hearts going forward.  



30 comments:

Mary McManus said...

Oh Minnie - what a beautiful post and speaks to why your symptoms have probably worsened recently because you were having this internal battle which was draining your life's energy force. You are a m a z i n g and not because of what you do but because of who you are and how you are living life despite of or more to the point because of the hand life has dealt you. I love you so much and am so grateful for how well you articulated the journey in this blog post. Can't wait to read about the ride and the run. You are awesome and I am so blessed that LUNA reunited us. xoxo Mary

LaVonne said...

Very timely post for me. Thank you for putting into words what I am struggling with.

Tricie said...

You make me think of the potential benefit of a chronic pain fitness group of some sort. Major problem for you is that "we" would probably be so far behind where you are that it might work against your training. A general problem might be how little some people with fibro, etc. are able to do with their pain levels. Ummm. Something to consider.

Minnie S. Lee said...

Tricie -
I would LOVE to form a group for people with fibromyalgia to exercise together. Actually that is my goal in the next 6 months. For me, working out with people is not about getting MY training in, it's about sharing my experiences and help them in any way i can. And for people to get together and be encouraged to exercise...and share our pain and joy and everything else. Definitely something that is in the works Tricie! Thank you!

salsabike said...

Beautifully said.

salsabike said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tracy said...

I stumbled upon your post on the perfect day. I have been struggling with keeping up all summer and only getting down on myself. Thank you so much for your eloquently worded realization that the only person I need to worry about is myself.
Thank you thank you.

Tricie said...

Minnie- I'm working on a collage of inspiration for my wall and want the marathon picture of you for it. Will you e-mail me a copy? I'll be quite appreciative if you do. Thanks.

Kit Kat said...

I feel what you write.

Imperfectly Creative said...

I compare myself to who I used to be, the me I had worked so hard to become and then knowing that it is me who took it all away drives me nuts. I have to learn to do what I used to do in much smaller amounts and be happy with that because it is better than doing nothing. I know this and yet I don't. Maybe today I will dance.

Pam said...

Fantastic post. We don't even realize sometimes when we set the bar for ourselves based on those around us. I KNOW this is a big struggle for me...it's a big waste of time. The good news is that I've gone from the couch to occasional exercise (jogging/biking). You are a unique, meaningful voice, please write when you can!

Minnie S. Lee said...

Yikes Tricie -
I just saw your request about a photo...so belatedly. So sorry about missing this and not getting back to you! I moved to a new city, started a new job, etc etc...totally got swept away from keeping up with the comments. I do love your collage idea..i'm sure it came out beautifully.

Tricie said...

It did. I used the mini picture of you on your profile :D. Thanks for following up. I hope that things are going well with your changes.

Fibromyalgia Guide said...

It is really hard to compare yourself to other people other than you have a condition that they do not have, everyone is still unique. So, just do anything in your capacity and be happy of what you have.

Fibromyalgia Guide said...

It is really hard to compare yourself to other people other than you have a condition that they do not have, everyone is still unique. So, just do anything in your capacity and be happy of what you have.

kaney said...

Fibromyalgia is a common type of chronic neurological disorder that primarily generates recidivating muscular and joint pain. Apart from pain, most people affected by fibromyalgia also experience a pronounced, generalized state of fatigue. In the incipient stages of the disorder, the muscular pain and fatigue generally occur in the upper parts of the body (neck, cervical region, upper back and shoulders), later spreading into other body regions (mid-back, arms, spine, lower back and thighs).

ostaderm v

JESSICA said...

ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DONE FOR MY DAUGHTER?
My daughter suffered from fibromyalgia for more than 12 years which we started experiencing in her when she turned 8 year and 5 months we all thought it will end but got even worse as days went by. We tried all several treatments and therapy prescribed by various doctors we met but to no avail, she always complain of joint stiffness, and have difficulty falling asleep. She usually tells me she feeling tired. This were steady disorder that disrupted her entire life, even at night she slept less because of this.It was during a casual conversation with a friend that i learned about Dr Williams herbal medicine I was able to contact him on his email address. and give him all the necessary information that he needed,few day later he sent me the herbal portion and his medicine was able to restore her back to normal and she is very okay now without any side effects whatsoever. If you have fibromyalgia, do not hesitate to contact him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product. I hope this also helps someone out there

NITA said...

Dear FRIENDS,
now i have a beautiful smiling face and so are which you all, after reading my testimony. My name is Nita, I am 31 years old,
And live with my boyfriend in Belgium, but I am UK. I have been diagnosed with Fibromalgia since 2012, which the Doctors told me this condition was forever. I know how you feel and what you are going through, I don't have a baby though. I just want to tell you that I am cured now,with the help of doctor Williams herbal medication, the last time I can remember having Fibromalgia was October this year. It was a long and difficult process but I am so thankful to dr williams I don't have it anymore. Please know you can be cured too. Accept what happened and is happening to you, forgive, let the past go, love yourself and others unconditionally and be thankful. Everything happens for a reason. If you want to be in contact with dr williams and share your own testimony and thoughts feel free to e-mail him on; drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product.

Unknown said...

CURE TO FIBROMYALGIA WITHOUT ANY SIDE EFFECT: My husband was diagnosed with fibromyalgia . My husbad fibromyalgia was something i don't understand he cry so bad that he was usually in bed for about 8 hours and soreness killers (even prescription strength) don't stop the weakness of the joint, even if he take triple the dosage. my husband symptoms was really so terrible,that we have to make hospital our home, and all the doctors would do is monitor it, prescribe him countless of control pills and pain medication with no positive result. until recently I contacted a Doctor who put an end to this problem. If you are having same problem with fibromyalgia contact Dr. William for advice and possible solution without any side effect (drwilliams098675@gmail.com

Unknown said...

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to Dr Williams for everything he have done in my life. I have been in tears for so many years now, having found that my husband is suffering from fibromyalgia, lesion after some years of being under extreme stress., . I spent 24 hours freaking out and finally calmed down after reading some testimony on here about Dr Williams herbal medicine to fibromyalgia . The moment came and I mumbled out to my husband about Dr Williams product (with a few tears) and he was AMAZE – . He was just worried about his health, been free from this disorder, that was how will order for Dr Williams product on line , after my husband finish taking Dr Williams medicine for just within a period of one month. Will went to the doc together who confirmed that he was fibromyalgia free.
Thank you again for being upfront, truthful and taking this pain away from my family for more information about his product you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com i hope you can also help other terrified people in a similar situation.

karen said...

WOW ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS I HAVE NEVER BELIEVE IN HERBAL REMEDIES.
my son have been a patient of fibromyalgia . I had tried a lot of anti viral med prescribed to me by doctors over how many years now but I could not see any improvements in my son symptoms. One day while going through the internet , i got to know about this great Herbal Dr who uses his herbal remedies in curing people from fibromyalgia ,quickly i contacted him and he prepared a herbal medication for my son which i received and he used it as instructed by Dr Williams. After few weeks the improvement were very visible. the chronic muscle pain and the tightness of the joint stopped, I would really recommend this to all my friends,families,around the globe suffering from fibromyalgia. you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com.for advice and for his product ,his a good man and am very happy to give this testimony

kate said...

As a sign of gratitude for how my son was saved from fibromyalgia , i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
My son suffered fibromyalgia in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, he always complain of joint stiffness, and he always have difficulty falling asleep . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to fibromyalgia . I never imagined fibromyalgia has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my son will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my son used it and in one months time he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. fibromyalgia has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my story

Shelley Michele said...

Dr Williams,his medicine was extremely helpful to my daughter. I have had a daughter with fibromyalgia for 21 years now , and my doctor have prescribe me with different kinds of western drugs without no improvement in my daughter symptoms . I am so glad I have found Dr Williams medicine (as I was surfing the net for a solution and saw a recommendation for it on a women's health forum early this year). I have felt so empowered by the knowledge you have given me and I quickly self diagnosed the individual cause of my daughter fibromyalgia and armed with his clear instructions, I was finally able to beat this monster, in less than 4 weeks of using dr Williams medication on my daughter. she went for a checkup and it was clear that my daughter fibromyalgia were gone,you can also email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help.

kate said...

As a sign of gratitude for how my son was saved from fibromyalgia , i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
My son suffered fibromyalgia in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, he always complain of joint stiffness, and he always have difficulty falling asleep . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to fibromyalgia . I never imagined fibromyalgia has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my son will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my son used it and in one months time he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. fibromyalgia has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my story

PAUL said...

DR WILLIAMS HERBAL CURE TO FIBROMYALGIA.
I was always praying to have a testimony when ever i saw people sharing their own testimonies which really took me years but today i am the happiest man on earth.My wife suffered fibromyalgia for 5 years, after taken different kind of western medication without been cured.All these years my wife was like a death person but today she is been cured.and you do not know how i feel having my wife back to normal because it was not really easy for me .I took time to search the internet which i found a lot of people thanking Dr. williams concerning the same problem and i discussed it with my wife and she agreed for us to give a try, so we order his product which my wife took for 28 days and she is very much okay now.I will advise you to stop wasting time on all these western medicine because they only work for some times and the problem bounce back again.Contact Dr.at drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product and be the next to give your testimony.

Sophie Lewis said...

I am Sophie from Canada, I once suffered from a terrible and Chronic fibromhyalgia,since i was bone , the doctor told me there was no permanent cure i was given medications to slow down its progress, i constantly felt my health was deteriorating as i constantly had Pain all over my body,this ailment was really terrible especially when am going out with my friends, i have this constant disorder for about 31 years, this was really a terrible ailment ,on thin one day that i was going through the internet,and i came across a post of Mrs jessica on how her daughter was been cured from fibromhyalgia through the help of Dr Williams herbal product, I contacted this herbal doctor via his email and explain everything to him and make purchase of his product,few days later he sent me the herbal medicine through courier service, when i received the herbal medicine, i used it for 1 months and two weeks as prescribed by dr williams and i was totally cured within those week of usage,on thin now i have not experience any sign or characteristics again . for more information you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help

Shelley Michele said...

Dr Williams,his medicine was extremely helpful to my daughter. I have had a daughter with fibromyalgia for 21 years now , and my doctor have prescribe me with different kinds of western drugs without no improvement in my daughter symptoms . I am so glad I have found Dr Williams medicine (as I was surfing the net for a solution and saw a recommendation for it on a women's health forum early this year). I have felt so empowered by the knowledge you have given me and I quickly self diagnosed the individual cause of my daughter fibromyalgia and armed with his clear instructions, I was finally able to beat this monster, in less than 4 weeks of using dr Williams medication on my daughter. she went for a checkup and it was clear that my daughter fibromyalgia were gone,you can also email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help.

Leonardo DiCaprio said...

I recently have some difficult conversations and I did what a lot of people do when they want to know how to do something. I googled it. I came across Dr Williams herbal medicine on blog-site so many people thanking him about his good work. I also have fibromyalgia. I wasn’t running all over God’s creation with every man I could find but here I am. I have felt bad about myself for so many years now because of my fibromyalgia status. I obviously still have some self-accepting to do but I want to thank Dr Williams for everything he have done for my family ,after taking Dr Williams medicine i was completely free from fibromyalgia within one month of usage, I think what you are doing is so admirable. you have helped me a lot! I want to definitely reach out to you and thank you for your amazing work. You are a good person, and an extremely talented man. You have helped millions with your herbs, and have really inspired me,and i pray you still continue doing the good work.you can also email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help

JESSICA said...

ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DONE FOR MY DAUGHTER?
My daughter suffered from fibromyalgia for more than 12 years which we started experiencing in her when she turned 8 year and 5 months we all thought it will end but got even worse as days went by. We tried all several treatments and therapy prescribed by various doctors we met but to no avail, she always complain of joint stiffness, and have difficulty falling asleep. She usually tells me she feeling tired. This were steady disorder that disrupted her entire life, even at night she slept less because of this.It was during a casual conversation with a friend that i learned about Dr Williams herbal medicine I was able to contact him on his email address. and give him all the necessary information that he needed,few day later he sent me the herbal portion and his medicine was able to restore her back to normal and she is very okay now without any side effects whatsoever. If you have fibromyalgia, do not hesitate to contact him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product. I hope this also helps someone out there.

PAUL said...

DR WILLIAMS HERBAL CURE TO FIBROMYALGIA.
I was always praying to have a testimony when ever i saw people sharing their own testimonies which really took me years but today i am the happiest man on earth.My wife suffered fibromyalgia for 5 years, after taken different kind of western medication without been cured.All these years my wife was like a death person but today she is been cured.and you do not know how i feel having my wife back to normal because it was not really easy for me .I took time to search the internet which i found a lot of people thanking Dr. williams concerning the same problem and i discussed it with my wife and she agreed for us to give a try, so we order his product which my wife took for 28 days and she is very much okay now.I will advise you to stop wasting time on all these western medicine because they only work for some times and the problem bounce back again.Contact Dr.at drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product and be the next to give your testimony.