I think I've let myself get lost a little bit. Maybe I got tired of all the discipline, the planning, the training, being strong, being diligent and working hard. I thought if i took a step back from all of this I would feel better. The work load didn't change. In fact, things got worse. Sleeping in most of the days and on the weekends instead of doing my training didn't make me better. Irregular exercise, irregular sleep patterns, work stress and personal pressure to be everything for everybody all made me very...mixed up.
Well, i'm here to say that those mixed up days are over. I'm back and i'm ready for the next step up.
First of all, I would like to thank many of you who have sent me encouraging messages about my blog - although i have been silent for a while you have continued to find me, which motivated me even more to return to where i belong. I realized I am happiest when i'm working hard towards a goal, a big goal i am scared of going for! On that note, I've signed up for my first full marathon ever - the LA Marathon. That will take place in March 2011. I believe it will be my first event into my path to completing a full ironman. It is what i'm meant to do.
I had a pretty nasty flu this past week. I kept questioning why i have been feeling so unlike myself for the past 6-8 months. All the answers came down to what i mentioned before - i realized that i'm best when i'm doing what i was doing up to about 6-8 months ago - training as diligently as i used to!!!
I have a lot to work on - as strong and determined as I seem to be on this blog, i have weaknesses that make me stumble, doubt and hide. I even at times doubt who I am and what I'm worth, and i have realized just now that all of those things are a thing of the past, or I should make sure they become things of the past. Only then will I be able to achieve the great desires of my heart in the future.
Whatever we have inside that is holding us back - we all have those - they deserve to be let go. Some of the past hurts we hold on to probably have contributed partially to the condition we live with. Some were out of our control when they happened. But what we decide to hold on to and let go of - aren't those in our control now? YES. Therefore I'm challenging myself and all of you who are reading this to let go of the things that have hurt us. It will not only make us better emotionally or mentally, but it will make us better physically, even if it is by a margin.
Here's to a new day. here's to stepping up. God has opened yet another opportunity for us to grow and prosper.